Hi. My name’s Pollydaydream and I’m not living in the real world!

Pollydaydream

I’ve been lurking on this board for a while now, but can’t seem to get a grip.

I’ve had a couple of things happen to me during the last 10 years and realise now that I’ve never really dealt with them emotionally. Instead I’ve resorted to drinking too much, smoking too much, and, my latest ridiculous solution to blocking out the world, internet gambling.

It’s Sunday morning, and again I’ve woken up with a stinking hangover, a mouth like the bottom of a gorilla’s cage, and the realisation that, if I carry on like this, I’m heading for full-blown bag-ladydom.

I have a lightbulb moment every morning. I know what I need to do and I’m going to do it. The trouble is, as the day goes on, the lightbulb gets dimmer and dimmer, and the panic takes over. “What the h**l was I thinking?” “How could I have been so stupid?” “How am I going to get through this month?” “I’m going to be collecting my pension before I’m out of this mess”.

In my saner (sober!) moments, I have started to sort things out (I’ve just set up a DMP with CCCS, I’ve got a new bank account, I’ve got a contract with AQA), but then the negative thoughts hit and, before I know it, I’ve smoked, drunk and gambled my rent money!

Very obviously I’ve got to stop smoking, drinking and gambling, but that’s easier said than done. I’m trying with AQA, but when I’ve been on for two hours and earned £2.50, a voice in my head says “sod this, I could win £500 in that time” (the voice saying “yes, but you could lose £500” goes strangely quiet at that point). I’m obviously doing something wrong, or maybe I’ve just killed off too many brain cells, but, if anyone has any tips on how to be better at AQA, they’d be gratefully received.

The second thing that’s happened this week that’s sent me into a tailspin is a letter from the loan company. They’ve accepted CCCS’s offer of reduced payments. I was elated when I read this, because they’re my major creditor and they’ve been ringing me at work. When I read it properly later, I see that they’ve added all the interest for the whole loan on to my account now, so my debt with them jumped from £21,000 to £39,000 in one day. Add in £20,000 or so to credit cards and overdraft, and I’m just overwhelmed by the scale of my debt.

Anyway, I’ve decided to post at last, in the hope that putting it out there in black and white will make me realise that it’s real and I’ve got to deal with it.

Sorry for the epic introduction. Just hoping you can help me at least start to get back to the real world and stay on the straight and narrow.


Polly

lynzpower

Hello polly

Great ot have you on board.

You know that drinking and gambling isnt going to help.

I suggest you seek some support for dealing with these, going it alone is just setting yourself up to fail! And if you want to gbe successful and sort this mess out every single action you make will get your either a) nearer to your goal b) further away from your goal.

Gamblock is a gambling website blocker you can install on your PC.

I would also suggest a support group to make you feel less isolated and also to support you in changing how you respond to stress and anxiety to a more positive and steady way forward.

x

Queen.Bess

Welcome Polly and good luck! You've made the first step and hopefully you will get lots of great advice from MSE!

Do what Lynz says now - don't procrastinate! Once these issues are under control you can then concentrate on getting back on track!

I wish you luck! QBx

SuSu1871

Hi Polly, and welcome

Firstly, well done for plucking up the courage to post on this forum. It's the first step, but possibly the biggest.

What you need to do is post a Statement of Affairs (SOA - see SouthernScouser's sticky at the top of the forum). When you've done this, you'll be able to see exactly how much money you have coming in/going out. If you're honest (and you really should be) you'll also see how much money you're spending on drinking, smoking and gambling. Seeing things in black and white helps to focus your mind and actions, and you'll realise how much money you could be throwing at your debts instead.

I think you should definitely lay off the gambling for now (when you're on top of things, you should look at Matched Betting - much more fun and guaranteed!)

Similar with the drinking - do you think you have a dependency, or were you just out on the pop at the weekend? If you have a dependency you can get help with AA meetings (I've been there: they're very very helpful. I haven't had a drink for 6 1/2 years now and don't miss it at all).

With the smoking... well, I'm not in a position to give advice there, I'm afraid, as I'm a smoker as well. If you really can't stop, try cutting down to roll-ups - saved me loads of money!!

Anyway, apologies for rambling, but please please please post your SOA and you'll have loads of advice before you know it. Just knowing you're not alone is a tremendous help.

Best of luck

SuSu1871

globalds

Hello Polly
You Have got a lot of work to do .
This is the first reason you get to use when you start slipping .
You literally don't have time to be drunk on the job .And you have now realised that you are gambling on every descission you take .So why pay to do something thats already a full time job .
The big one for you now is just to get through this day .It is hard work and no one here can tell you that ,even throwing everything at it ,will gaurantee success.But at least your doing what deep down you really want .That means that you have already won .
The next step after today is to try and reinforce the hopes and to do everything possible to undermine the distractions .YOU NEED HELP.from freinds ..From this site ..from anywhere ..and without a doubt you need to help yourself ...Thats is why you are being strong in the momments you feel weak ...Your doing it for your future .Then as that future starts arriving ,be it tomorrow or next year ...You start owing it to yourself to do things right ...Just think of all you've invested .
Good Luck and keep talking on the forums ...especially on the days when you don't want to...There the days you need a bit of help.

SunderlandBlackCat

Hi Polly

Some links I hope are useful for you

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk

http://www.gamblock.com/index.html

postingalwaysposting

polly, some great advice be offered all ready... well done on having the courage to post here... i agree with lyn, once you give up all the things that are causing you finacial problems (ie gambling smoking etc) then you will be just going around in circles. Yes it will be hard and a long journey for you but we are all here to support you... you can post your happy/sad momments, no one will judge... take care and carrying on posting

hypno06

Hi Polly, you have taken a big step in posting here. It is hard to face up to things but you have started to do this and you will very quickly get in control.

There are several people on here who have had debt problems increased with gambling, hunt out their threads by doing a search and have a read. it is baby steps, but you will get there.

And keep posting., when times are bleak, there is usually someone here who can offer you support, advice, and a bit of a laugh x

FrugalJo

Polly
Welcome, I rarely give advice but relate to a lot of your feelings. Particularly the light bulb dimming as the day goes on.
The gambling - please close your accounts and put the block on your.PC I am of highly addictive nature. Everything from the Sims to online Bingo. If you don't close them you know will use them, I got particularly hooked to roulette and bingo a few years ago, the deposit monster always got me, a few clicks and it's all too easy. My guess is that the drinking and smoking lulls you into a false sense of winning too..
Selling on ebay now that's highly addictive but people pay you

The smoking - come and have a read of the latest Give Up Smoking Thread

This lot will sort you out, but sounds like you made some excellent progress already.

Pollydaydream

Hi again.

Thanks to you all for welcoming me. Honestly, my hands were shaking when I hit the submit button and I was nearly too scared to come back and have a look.

I live alone (divorced, no kids). I don't drink in the week, when I'm at work, but when I'm alone at the weekend I get depressed and head for the bottle. I don't feel in control of my drinking at the moment, although I don't think it's a full blown addiction yet. I am totally addicted to smoking.

The gambling - well, I started playing bingo just for something to do and the chat rooms made me feel less lonely, I suppose. I started playing the fruit machines while I was waiting and I was losing a bit, winning a bit. At the end of last year my father was seriously ill and I responded by clicking away all of my money and all of my credit! Since then all the gambling's been a desperate attempt to win back the money. Crazy, I know. Why can't I get addicted to something cheap and healthy?

I'll have a go at a SOA and post when I'm a bit more compus mentis. I know what my bills are, but SuSu's right - I've just been blocking from my mind how much I've been spending on the other stuff. For at least the last 6 months I've just been surviving (financially and otherwise), but I've run out of things to sell and friends to borrow from now.

I have to say that something, I don't know what, made me post this message today. I feel like I've been trying to 'put things right' before anyone finds out what a mess I am, but the more I've tried the worse it's got. This is the first time I've reached out for some help, and, because of your replies, already I feel that there is some hope. So, again, thank you.

Polly

postingalwaysposting

aww hun you mention the gamiling is something to do... well close the accounts (as others have mentioned) and put a block on your pc and come and 'chat' here, you will soon be addicted... even if you just sit and read time flys :rotfl: With regards to your drinking/smoking... to me the more serious is the drinking, lone drinking is the worst imo... you need some help maybe seeing your gp? just to get it under control then you can start tackling the smoking... but please one step at a time dont rush and try and do eveything at once... you have time and i bet determination... you can do it :T... post your soa when ready, no rush... but i am sure everyone on here will find a soloution for you to become debt free