Moving mistake

the_pink_panther_2

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I would stay with taking advice from your solicitor.

As you are married, he will have a beneficial interest in the properties. He is also contributing. With his work travel costs ontop, it seems reasonable.

I would NOT be gifting money and all of that jazz WITHOUT legal advice. You could be seen by a court to be disposing of marital assets and they'll come down on you like a tonne of bricks.

If he knows you've got it. Do not be trying to make yourself worthless without proper legal advice. As you won't come off well.

I know that is not what you wanted to hear, as your solicitor has already told you. So you're hoping for advice here to make you feel better. I wouldn't follow any of it. DO NOT start disposing of ready cash. As when it comes to the financial settlement it will not work in your favour if it looks like you're hiding cash with your parents.

Totally agree, do get specialist advice regarding this idea. I don't have legal knowledge, but was suggesting what could be worth looking into further. What Tinkerbell suggests make sense so may well not be good idea after all...

busiscoming2

Another one here who agrees with Tinkerbell.

I have no legal knowledge but isn't he entitled to half of everything?

FatVonD

I think you need to take legal advice. Everybody on here always says that whatever you own becomes marital assets but, when I divorced, my ex didn't want anything anyway but my solicitor (who happened to be my next door neighbour, how lucky is that??!) said that, as I owned it before I met him and he'd contributed nothing he wouldn't have had a leg to stand on so all is not lost.

What would worry me is that you have TWO houses. If you move back to the other could he say he wants the one you're currently living in?

It would take a lot of thinking about how to do it but if I was doing any gifting I'd be trying to think of a way of gifting the other house to your daughter but with the right for you to live there until your death.

Oh_dear_13

FatVonD wrote: »

I think you need to take legal advice. Everybody on here always says that whatever you own becomes marital assets but, when I divorced, my ex didn't want anything anyway but my solicitor (who happened to be my next door neighbour, how lucky is that??!) said that, as I owned it before I met him and he'd contributed nothing he wouldn't have had a leg to stand on so all is not lost.
.

I was married before and he walked away and didn't want anything either.

Also, the bit about the 2 houses I think is ok, from what the solicitor told me it's the matrimonial home that counts - this one is worth less than the other thankfully.

I'd also heard about putting all of my property in trust for my children (other one is older and doesn't life with me) but there's some section which is basically a 3 year rule so anything like that within 3 years of divorce can be held as invalid unfortunately.

Oh_dear_13

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

I know that is not what you wanted to hear, as your solicitor has already told you. So you're hoping for advice here to make you feel better. I wouldn't follow any of it. DO NOT start disposing of ready cash. As when it comes to the financial settlement it will not work in your favour if it looks like you're hiding cash with your parents.

Tinkerbell this is EXACTLY what I need to hear thank you for your honesty and frankness (not sure if that's the right word but I hope you know what I mean!).

He's still here but I'm not trusting him with any of my emotions and, one more outburst of any kind and he's out.

Thanks to you all for your support and advice, I'll keep you updated but please post any further suggestions if you have any.

Oh_dear_13

bagpussbear wrote: »

OP are you sure your hubby will definitely leave you if you make the decision to sell and move? I just wonder if you say I AM moving back to the other house (rather than having a discussion about whether to) what he would actually do?

He has said that he's not going back to the other place and that it would be over for us as he'd only be doing it for me - it works both ways though - if I stay here it would be for him and thats not fair either so it's a stalemate really - I'm just waiting a few more months then I'll go (because of DD education).

swampduck

Why not use this as a chance to have 'time out'? Move out and into the other house and let him know that it is 'you time' and you need to think about where your relationship with him is going.
You are not taking a leap into the dark - more like treading very carefully (to avoid making a mistake) - I realise that you have consulted a solicitor and have looked into the pros and cons regarding assets etc but sometimes you need space and time to deal with things without leaping from one thing to another. Let him live in 'his' house (and pay the bills!) while you do the same in 'yours'.
IMO (and that is all it is my opinion) it feels as though you are in diificulties already and he is kind of forcing the issue by saying if you do move out that's the end of relationship anyway and he is laying the guilt/blame at your door if you do it instead of admitting that some of the blame/issues are his to deal with.



Swampy

Oh_dear_13

swampduck wrote: »

Why not use this as a chance to have 'time out'? Move out and into the other house and let him know that it is 'you time' and you need to think about where your relationship with him is going.
You are not taking a leap into the dark - more like treading very carefully (to avoid making a mistake) - I realise that you have consulted a solicitor and have looked into the pros and cons regarding assets etc but sometimes you need space and time to deal with things without leaping from one thing to another. Let him live in 'his' house (and pay the bills!) while you do the same in 'yours'.
IMO (and that is all it is my opinion) it feels as though you are in diificulties already and he is kind of forcing the issue by saying if you do move out that's the end of relationship anyway and he is laying the guilt/blame at your door if you do it instead of admitting that some of the blame/issues are his to deal with.



Swampy

Unfortunately the other house is rented out at the moment (until next May) and I need DD to spend her last year of school in new area (I moved her part way through first of 2 years so don't want to move her back as it will really mess things up for her and she's been through enough.

I've suggested we have a time of separation so I can get my head around what I want to do but his response is that if he moves out then it's divorce.....

Pee

The OP has been to a Solicitor who has said that he would get a good settlement. The starting point is 50% each of the assets owned by either party to the marriage.

Now is not the time to mention that getting married is a very important financial decision.

One the one hand there are suggestions of abuse but on the other there seems to be an indication that you don't know what you want, whether to stay with him or not.

I would say that if you can't decide it might be wise to give him the benefit of the doubt and see how things pan out. If he is making more of an effort, then maybe you will be happy?

Is travelling to work from the other property an option for him?

If you decide that losing him and one of the houses seems like a fair deal, then you know what you want. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it.

Scorpio33

Firstly you need to seperate two issues: your relationship being one, and where you live being the other.

Lets just assume your relationship is perfect at the moment, and the issue is then where you live. In this instance, you need to both sit down an logically think about the pros & cons of either location for both of you as a couple. Clearly there will be some compromise from one or both of you with either location, but you would need to decide what would work the best (neither will be perfect) for both of you as a couple, not just one of you. For example, your DD may be better off in the other place, which is just one of the many factors to consider. Work is another, as is location of friends. Then you can also think about an alternative; a third, mutually agreed location and again weigh up the pros and cons of each.

Putting the issue of location to one side, the fact is that your relationship has a lot of issues that both you and him need to be honest about. Lets assume moving is not an option at the moment - could you really see you both being happy forever the way things are? I would say clearly not, as I doubt a good relationship is worth sacrificing over where the home is. There are a lot of issues in this relationship that need to be bought out into the open and resolved. If you or he don't think they can be resolved and can see no way back, then think about divorce - but this would not be due to either of you wanting or not wanting to move, it would be over how the relationship is.


Just seems to me that the moving home is being used as an excuse to end a bad relationship instead of being honest about the real issue.