Removal of parental rights ?

meritaten

I am not sure hun - you live in Scotland and your law can be very different to English and Welsh law.
I would seek advice from your equivalent of a family law solicitor. even one consultation should be enough to find out if you have a good chance of removing parental responsibility - or just ignoring him and carry on life as normal.

HappyBanana

CH27 wrote: »

Why tempt problems?

He's out of your lives & you're both safe. If you go down legal routes or CSA you risk stirring a hornet's nest.

Wow CH27 this is also a very big fear of mine. Its a toss up between go for his PR as he doesn't deserve them or stay clear and hope things never stir up. I guess i makes me angry that he does NOTHING for her and has the exact same rights as I do

Hes such a leech of a human being and I worry if he swoops in years down the line he will be able to manipulate her and have a negative impact on her life

jacques_chirac

HappyBanana wrote: »

I feel thats a unfair comment he does not want to be involved if he did where has he been ? Not to mention the fact he is not a good role model due to the drinking, taking illegal drugs, being arrested for possession of a weapon amongst other exploits

It is not unfair - your actions are based on what you want. He is not a bad role model if he is not around, unless he does something to negatively affect the child now his past behaviours are irrelevant.

I can understand that you are hurt by his previous actions, but he may change, and he may be able to build a positive relationship with his daughter in the future.

HappyBanana

clearingout wrote: »

As the father in this case is absent anyway, it seems pretty pointless attempting to remove PR. Far better to ask the courts to intervene should the father reappear and want contact - his prolonged absence and lack of relationship with the child would ensure that the courts order a relationship is built up slowly over time. Slowly enough to bore the father whose motives were to upset the mother rather than reconnect with his child.

This is a very good point technically him having PR does not have any impact on my life or the life on my child (due to him being no where to be seen). I guess doing nothing and letting the years tick by to the point that if he does make an appearance I then have more proof of how absent he has been.

clearingout

HappyBanana wrote: »

I feel thats a unfair comment he does not want to be involved if he did where has he been ? Not to mention the fact he is not a good role model due to the drinking, taking illegal drugs, being arrested for possession of a weapon amongst other exploits

Unfortunately the system is such that he can make a choice to bow out of his child's life. To be fair, you could do the same and hand her over to the care system. Plenty of people drink too much and many more do drugs but still function perfectly well in society, getting themselves and their children to school on time with their homework done wearing clean, ironed clothes with food in their bellies. Plenty of us are poor role models in one way or another (or several ways) but that doesn't make us bad enough to have our children removed from us. We do the best we can. Should he wish to be part of his child's life, the court system will put him through the mill to get regular, unsupervised contact. I would put it to the back of your mind until that day arrives - if it ever arrives. You have no way of knowing so enjoy your little one whilst she's small and be the best mum you can be.

CH27

HappyBanana wrote: »

Wow CH27 this is also a very big fear of mine. Its a toss up between go for his PR as he doesn't deserve them or stay clear and hope things never stir up. I guess i makes me angry that he does NOTHING for her and has the exact same rights as I do

Hes such a leech of a human being and I worry if he swoops in years down the line he will be able to manipulate her and have a negative impact on her life

Set aside a pot of money so if he does show his ugly face in the future you can get good legal advice & deal with him then.

HappyBanana

jacques_chirac wrote: »

I can understand that you are hurt by his previous actions, but he may change, and he may be able to build a positive relationship with his daughter in the future.

So I have to hold the fort and do everything for 'our' child until he decides to be a better person. Not going to happen.

Own_My_Own

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

He's on the birth certificate (OP's original post)... he automatically gets PR

Sorry didn't know the law had changed. My 2 are a lot older, and was going by the fact their father doesn't have parental responsibility.

jacques_chirac

HappyBanana wrote: »

So I have to hold the fort and do everything for 'our' child until he decides to be a better person. Not going to happen.

Unfortunately you do not have a choice in the matter.

If/ when he decides he wants contact he will have to apply for a court order (assuming you will not agree to an informal arrangement - I'm guessing not). They are certainly not going to hand over your child, but they will only deny access if there are very strong reasons to do so.

clearingout

HappyBanana wrote: »

So I have to hold the fort and do everything for 'our' child until he decides to be a better person. Not going to happen.

I am afraid that should he wish to come back into your daughter's life at any point, it would more than likely be in her long term best interests to 'allow' it. I personally believe it's far better for a child to learn for themselves what their parent is like - if he is going to let her down, not turn up, disappear for a few years etc. then better she is aware of that and understands what he is actually like. What's the alternative? An absent father who she puts on some kind of way up high pedestal? Because should she go looking for him in 18 years time and find him clean-shaven, tidy, earning a decent wage and to all intents and purposes a 'family man', he is going to be able to use the fact that you wouldn't let him back in against you.

I think way too many mums try and protect their children from the reality of dad's poor parenting. You can soften the blow (don't tell him he's coming so she's not sitting there with her coat on looking out of the window for 4 hours before accepting he's not going to arrive, for example, but rather just leave him on the doorstep for a minute whilst you put her coat on her and wave her off with him if he does happen to turn up) but I don't think you should keep it from them altogether. Children aren't daft - mine are still very young but will sometimes say something which demonstrates such clarity of thinking about their father and what he's like that it's frightening. Not come from me - I shut up and put up and wave off and receive back without comment!