Telling my parents about my DMP

kylie_smiley

Have decided, after talking to a very good friend who has been in my position, that I need to tell my parents. Not because they can help finically, but because I need their support, mentally. I'm scared, though, mainly about how my dad will react. I'm such a daddy's girl, and I'm worried he's going to be so, so disappointed in me. They taught me well about money, so I think they're going to be upset and disappointed that I got into this mess - I know I'm upset and disappointed with myself.

I'm going round to see mum after she finishes work this afternoon, and I'll tell her first. Then hopefully she can help me to tell dad. I don't expect them to sort it out - this is my mess, and I'm taking the first steps to deal with it - but I do think I need them to know.

Any tips/suggestions/advice?

Many thanks

John1993_2

Good luck. Just remember, this is a necessary step towards growing up, and acting as an adult ought.

One step is realising that you are responsible for your actions, which you've done, and another is beig honest with those you love about it.

I suspect that they'll understand, once they've calmed down, and it's not worth getting yourself in a state over beforehand.

Katgrit

If this was me I'd write it down and give it to her to read while we sat together with a mug of tea each. I know from experience if it's something I'm anxious about I just get too emotional, cry, miss bits out and generally there just ends up being too much gulping, tears and snot for me to be sufficiently coherant. So she can read, take it in, ask questions and you know its all there. But that's just me, you might handle it better!

kylie_smiley

Thanks, both. I don't know if I could do the writing down. I suspect what will happen is that I'll appear on the doorstep, she'll realise something isn't right, and then I'll burst into tears.

Not very grown up, really

Weird_Nev

I had a heart to heart about various things to my mum a while back. It was the closing conversation to some really, really bleak times we'd all been through and dealt with individually. My dad had become terminally ill and incapacitated, my wife had our first child, who had a birth defect requiring surgery, and then my wife became gravely ill. This obviously put me under a great deal of pressure. Mum knew of this, but I don't think she'd ever appreciated the magnitude of what we'd been through (she still doesn't, really).
I got pretty upset - just because it was an emotional outburst from me. I'd dealt with so much for so long, and talking it through with mum was too much, really.

What was my mums assumption? That I was upset because I'd got myself in terrible debt. :mad: (I hadn't - I'd been working very hard to make ends meet throughout it all. Leaving your ill wife and 3 month old child alone overnight to work extra shifts for the money is SUCH a nice feeling... not).

I'm sure, when you take the time to speak to your mum, that they will be glad that it's ONLY a bit of debt. You can get through it. It's not the end of the world by any stretch.

shinner

I told my mum on boxing day. it was a relief initially she wanted to help me out i explained my mess and need to sort it. It was just nice to know that she was there. She now helps me with odd bits of shopping and asks every now and then how it is going. She was disappointed but only that i hadn't told her sooner.
You are doing the right thing good luck.

kylie_smiley

shinner wrote: »

I told my mum on boxing day. it was a relief initially she wanted to help me out i explained my mess and need to sort it. It was just nice to know that she was there. She now helps me with odd bits of shopping and asks every now and then how it is going. She was disappointed but only that i hadn't told her sooner.
You are doing the right thing good luck.

Thank you for this also. I think I'll find it easier to say the words to mum...then it should hopefully be easier to say them again to my dad later. It's dad's reaction in most worried about, as I said. Just can't bear the thought of either of them being disappointed in me. I actually feel a bit sick at the thought of saying something to them...

tasha999

Telling my parents fell out of my hands when I stupidly told cccsva that I owed my parents £300 whilst writing a proposal for an IVA about 5 years ago. I didn't realise that they would post the whole proposal to my Mum detailing all my debt! :eek: That was a very awkward conversation!

She was fine about it after a while, although the usual "I told you Northern Rock were no good" did come up in conversations quite often.

Ilian2008

Hello. Back in 2008 when I was in a really bad state I was really worried about chatting to my parents about it. I knew my mother would worry and thought my dad would really judge me or be disappointed (which I dreaded more). I remember my dad calling me when I was waiting for a train and I had just heard that my mortgage monthly payment was increasing by £300 and I was already short every month together with increasing overdraft charges etc etc.

I blurted everything out and I half maybe expected in the back of my mind hoped he would offer to lend me some money but he told me to go home sit down and write down all my outgoings, work out what I could not do without and what I could cancel or cut down on. He told me to sell any items that I had and see if there were any ways of getting more money in. I went home, did that, sold around 700 things on ebay and did Betterware on top of my main job which really helped and I worked really hard and although not completed my debt free journey I am getting there.

I didnt realise of course as some people dont that our parents have been through it too.

Good luck

adrisco

My daughter has debt but doesn't tell me the full story. So I work myself up into a panic imagining the worst. I would rather know the truth - so will your parents, believe me! Good luck.

iris

Why do you feel the need to unburden yourself and tell your parents about your debt?

You will only upset them and make them feel that they should help you pay off your debts, even though perhaps they cannot afford to help you.