should i (ask to) go to ex mother in laws funeral

buxtonrabbitgreen

I went to my ex MIL funeral. I asked if it would be ok. All seemed happy to see me there. I was very fond of ex MIL and went to visit her occasionally up till her death. She always made me welcome with the 2 kids from my present marriage. My ex ex also came to my mums funeral. He also asked and I was pleased that he wanted to pay his respects to my mum. I think it is probably poite/wise to ask first though.

buxtonrabbitgreen

Jet wrote: »

My Mum's funeral was yesterday and my ex twice said he wanted to come, but didn't.

We have a reasonable relationship nowadays but I was disappointed that he didn't come to be honest.

I think it depends on your relationship with your ex and if she has a new partner or not.

Sorry to hear you lost your mum jet. They are irreplacable.

bloomin_freezing

if definately depends on the relationship you now have with you ex. Are you 'friends' in any way? What about the rest of the family, how do they feel about you now? If there is any upset between you then you should not go, emotions and tempers can flare at funerals unfortunately.

If feelings between you all are civil and neither friendly or unfriendly then I would go but agree with staying in the background.

I would run it past your ex first.

snowmaid

I attended my ex MIL's funeral. My ex had just remarried and she was (and still is) very insecure about me as the ex. I just faded into the background, which was made a little difficult when my ex FIL started crying when he saw me and threw his arms around me...:o in front of my ex's new wife :rolleyes: But anyway, do attend. You are only showing your respects to the deceased.

Curious_George_2

i dont think it should matter if your ex has a new partner,
you saying your goodbyes and paying your respects to someone who has passed on has nothing to do with your relationship with anyone else there,

if you think there may be a problem then as others have said maybe keep to the back and avoid the wake,
This is not aimed directly at you OP but in some cases people have to decide if your there to be seen or really there just to say goodbye to someone your going to miss,
if its the latter then standing at the back and quietly slipping out at the end wont cause any problems

spoilt_BUT_appreciate_it

alwaysonthego wrote: »

send her a card and say in it that you would like to attend because you respected her mother and if she does't ant you there, then you will understand

I agree a nice little sympathy card for your ex-partners loss (and the rest of the family) is appropriate with perhaps one or two words with how you'd like to attend if that would be ok BUT you'll understand if she'd rather you didn't

Put a stamp on the card to post it or take it round in person if you're going round there anyway for one reason or another