have you ever dated a friend?!

newcook

I’ve never done the whole ‘be friends then be more’ before so all this is new (and scary) territory to me!!

A couple of weeks ago I shared a kiss with my best male friend and since then I cant stop thinking about him!

We (obviously) get on great together, we have the same circle of friends, everyone thinks we would be good together and he wants us to be together but I am unsure as if we were to get together and it didn’t work then I may lose a fantastic friend. I have spoken to him about this but he says I will never lose him as a friend but I know once we cross a certain line there will be no going back to how we used to be such as talking about people we fancy, dates we have had etc.

To make it even more complicated, I used to be really good friends with his ex until she left him and moved across the country with their child.
I probably only think its complicated as I have always lived by the rule that you don’t ‘dirty’ your own doorstep by going with a friends ex or current partner.

So anyway, what I guess Im asking is have any of you got together with your friend (or your friends ex)? Did it work out?
As I said, the men I have dated before have been outside my circle of friends so all this is new and unfamiliar to me – out of my comfort zone!!!!

neverdespairgirl

Never a friend's ex, and with a previous relationship serious enouhg to involve a child, I'd be very wary.

But a friend - yes. I started seeing my closest male friend nearly 15 years ago. We now live happily as a family with our 8 year old son.

Buffy_the_Vampire_Bat

Yes, I got together with my male best friend, and in September we will have been married for 11 years It did take three attempts to make the transition from friends to more than friends - we were both afraid of losing our friendship if it didn't work out. But we realised that we were just right together and moved to the next level. One of the reasons we think our marriage works well is because we were best friends and still are.

tea_lover

I got together with the guy who'd been my best friend for 2 years. We got married a couple of years after that, and then split up 6 weeks later. We haven't spoken since, the divorce was sorted through solicitors.

faith2009uk

I got together with a close friend many years ago and although it never worked out, we are still very good friends now. There's no awkwardness, and If anything things just went back to the way they were before we got together.

PJMardy

My boyfriend and I were good mates for about a year before we got together. If anything, I think it's made it easier - we have been able to talk about anything and everything since before we got together and we trust each other completely

I guess the complication is his ex in this more than anything - is this what's worrying you most do you think? How long have you and he been friends? And were you friends with him or her first?

Lagoon

Yes. I married my best friend. We were best friends for quite a few years, and he then told me he was falling in love and wanted something more. We ended up in a relationship, and we're now married.

I was concerned about the friendship changing and it not working out, but he told me that he wouldn't have told me his feelings unless he was certain that he wanted the relationship to lead to marriage. So, by the time he told me how he felt he was already at the point of thinking about marriage!

Obviously I couldn't be happier with the decision, now.

Bazey

I've always wanted to bone most of my female friends.

Tish_P

If you can't stop thinking about him, and he's made it clear he would like to be with you, you've already crossed that line and your friendship has already changed. Go for it.

From my own experience it can work wonderfully - and when lots of mutual friends say "about time too" when they hear you've got together, that's a very good sign!

bitemebankers

newcook wrote: »

I have spoken to him about this but he says I will never lose him as a friend but I know once we cross a certain line there will be no going back to how we used to be such as talking about people we fancy, dates we have had etc.

Not sure why you're convinced about this. A couple of years ago I dated a close friend of mine, who'd been a friend for a good decade or so. We were together as a couple for about nine months and, to our mutual surprise, it didn't work out. What we have is a deep friendship, and a certain amount of physical attraction, but not that special connection that make romantic relationships really work. Anyhow, it's all water under the bridge now, and we're both in excellent relationships with other people, and we're still close friends.

The hardest part of it, actually, is managing the reaction of anyone you date afterwards. They might not be willing to accept that you've really relinquished *those* feelings for one another and may be mistrustful of your friendship going forward.

That said, some people are so paranoid that they can't accept their partner's same-sex friends at all. Needless to say, I could never date anyone with that kind of attitude in the first place. But it is something to consider.

To make it even more complicated, I used to be really good friends with his ex until she left him and moved across the country with their child.

You said it yourself: you *used* to be good friends with this woman. From what you've said, it sounds like you've long since made your mind up whose side you're on. I wouldn't worry about this aspect of it, to be honest.

neverdespairgirl

Tish_P wrote: »

From my own experience it can work wonderfully - and when lots of mutual friends say "about time too" when they hear you've got together, that's a very good sign!

In our case, our mutual friends reacted by saying, "what, only just now? WE assumed....."