Parents: How Do You Make Working Work?

cakeforbrains

Specifically second income earners (so, usually Mums).

I have two school-aged children and one toddler. I have no access to free childcare and my husband works full-time and often is away for weeks at a time. Although I have a degree, I haven't much career history and therefore quite low potential earnings. Once you factor everything in, if I was lucky enough to get a part-time job my take-home pay would only amount to a couple of hundred pounds a month (which, luckily, my OH can earn with a bit of overtime).

Sometimes I feel stuck in this situation and wish that I could make a decent contribution to the pot.

So, what do you all do? How do you make it work?

Dunroamin

Isn't it better in so many ways for you to be the one to bring in the extra couple of hundred a month rather than your partner?

valk_scot

You are making a decent contribution to the pot, you're a full time childcarer, housekeeper and general stay at home everything else. How much is that worth in terms other than money? And if you did have a job how much extra stress would it cause for your family to earn that couple of hundred pounds? Would you in fact be any happier for it?

Every one is different though as to how they rate money v all the other criteria for home life, there's no right answer that fits all. However there's no doubt it gets easier to return to work once your youngest is in full time education so one suggestion is to spend the time before this happens in honing up your skills to make you more employable when you do return.

cakeforbrains

Dunroamin wrote: »

Isn't it better in so many ways for you to be the one to bring in the extra couple of hundred a month rather than your partner?

Well, maybe, but to earn it I'd have to go out to work probably three days per week, put my two year old into childcare, have less time to do household stuff and be with the children, and just generally be running around like a blue-bottomed fly for half the time. My husband (luckily) could earn it by working one weekend a month.

I could get an evening job, thereby negating the need for childcare potentially, but then I wouldn't know what to do when my husband works away, which is about one third of the time. I've got no family to help.

Person_one

I'm sure you make a very important contribution that isn't monetary, as valk_scot says.

However, your children won't be children forever and if your earning potential is poor now, what will it be like if you wait another 5, 10, or 15 years before going back to work?

If I were you, I'd look into updating your education and skills before your youngest starts school/nursery, so that when you're able to work a few more hours more easily, your career potential will be greater.

What's your degree/line of work?

You mention your husband working overtime, but don't underestimate the value to both him and your children and of dad being around at home as much as possible.

Dunroamin

cakeforbrains wrote: »

Well, maybe, but to earn it I'd have to go out to work probably three days per week, put my two year old into childcare, have less time to do household stuff and be with the children, and just generally be running around like a blue-bottomed fly for half the time. My husband (luckily) could earn it by working one weekend a month.

I could get an evening job, thereby negating the need for childcare potentially, but then I wouldn't know what to do when my husband works away, which is about one third of the time. I've got no family to help.

Personally, I'd think it better for your children to see less of you and more of their father, particularly as you say he already works away a lot. One weekend in four is a far larger proportion of their time with him than having you at work for three days a week.

More importantly is the effect on your future earnings (and pension), given that you already have so little work experience, if you have an even longer stretch without at least preparing for a career.

Spendless

I did a part-time evening/weekend job when we only had 1 child and husband had a job where he came in at a set time every night and didn't work away. I did this instead of returning to my day-time job after ML as my employer only employed f-time workers, the right to request flexible working didn't exist and the childcare bill was the same as my wages.

I gave the part-time job up due to ill-health in 2nd pregnancy and had a few years at home. During this time husband changed jobs and working patterns meant evening job was no longer possible.

Once eldest went to school, youngest was at toddler age and I went to college to update qualifications, we used childcare vouchers, 3+ funding and child benefit to pay for nursery costs.

I continued at college once youngest went to school, then found voluntary work for something on my cv and a recent reference followed by paid work.

I've had people say to me that so it isn't worth you working during the hols, due to price of childcare, but I take into account the weeks I pay little in childcare versus wages.

Eg for this summer hols

wk 1 - earned over £200 childcare £40 (sports camp at dd's school)
wk 2 - earned £200+ -chilcare nothing (husband off)
wk 3 - earnings around £45 childcare (a theatre summer school £100)

cakeforbrains

Person_one wrote: »

I'm sure you make a very important contribution that isn't monetary, as valk_scot says.

However, your children won't be children forever and if your earning potential is poor now, what will it be like if you wait another 5, 10, or 15 years before going back to work?

If I were you, I'd look into updating your education and skills before your youngest starts school/nursery, so that when you're able to work a few more hours more easily, your career potential will be greater.

What's your degree/line of work?

You mention your husband working overtime, but don't underestimate the value to both him and your children and of dad being around at home as much as possible.

I have a first class degree in sociology, for what that's worth! I don't really have a line of work as I've been pretty much having children for a decade (oldest is 11)... and doing the degree (graduated in 2008). I've thought about maybe doing a masters, and I have quite a lot of voluntary experience, but I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up!

Hopefully pension won't be much of an issue because my OH's is really very decent.

We're quite lucky in that, when my husband is home, he does work a 38 hour week. He's not one of these who works into the night, and he has flexitime so he's around quite a lot. He also gets six weeks holiday. The one weekend a month can be flexible too, just going into the office for a few hours.

I don't know, i was just interested in how others balance it out and what they do about childcare.

RAS

I think that once your youngest is at nursery with the free session, it will make more sense to work (just because you do not pay tax and NI whilst he will pay quite a lot) and because it gives you more of a CV. When the youngest starts school, you may be able to expand the hours?

Gillyx

Could you work evenings or weekends? That way no childcare or very little would be needed. I have been at home for 18 months now with our son, but my OH is starting a new job soon, and I am looking at going back with similar hours to try and keep childcare costs to a bare minimum.

shop-to-drop

I was in your situation and my solution was 2 nightshifts in tesco. Makes approx £600 month difference to the family maybe more with discount etc.

However as your degree is more recent that mine was it seems a shame not to build on that. How about weekend or relief work with adults with special needs or others who are living independently and need support. I looked at this at one point and got offered a job but unfortunately i couldn't manage it at the time which i'm sad about.