Getting a 3 yr old to sleep through (long sorry)

Ishtar

We're going through this with DD who's 2 and a half. She resists sleep at every opportunity, not least at bedtime.

In desparation we borrowed the 'Supernanny' book from the library - I know it's not to everyone's taste, but I've started using some of the techniques and we're slowly getting there. Might be worth seeing if you can borrow it from someone?

Are you still giving milk in the night? Might be worth stopping that if you are - perhaps leaving a cup of water beside the bed for her if she's thirsty? Again, if she's not getting any contact with you, or a nice drink of milk, then she might be less likely to come in and disturb you?

We're still struggling with our DD coming in with us at night...I'm not up for the full-blown tantrum at 2 in the morning just yet , so she is currently spending the latter part of most nights in with us...She usually lays between us and causes no problem, but some nights she moves around a lot, which isn't much fun.

As others have said, perhaps 8pm is perhaps a little late - we were letting our DD stay up until 8.15, which meant that by the time she'd finally gone to sleep, OH and I weren't getting any time together. We've brought her bedtime back to 7.15, which has helped a great deal.

Hope you manage to get things sorted soon...I'm off to start the bath/bed routine for DD!
Take care
D.

Savvy_Sue

maverickangel wrote: »

It seems pointless to me to try controlled crying if DD is just going to cry until she's sick. Apart from the stress, u obviously can't leave a child to sleep in a bed full of sick, so she still gets to see mummy, which is what she wants.

Actually, no reason why daddy couldn't calmly and without fuss change the sheets ... even if he can do no more than dump them in the bath for morning!

Again, my guru Christopher Green has some advice for the parents of deliberate vomiters (apparently sometimes a problem with children with a particular kind of special needs who just grab food from other people's plates, gorge themselves and vomit if prevented from doing so!) which is to calmly and without fuss remove the child, clean them up without comment, clean up without comment, and carry on as far as possible as if nothing has happened. Which can't be easy if a child has vomited all over the dining table (and other people's food) but apparently if you can keep the reaction to a minimum (no shouting and screaming "Eugh, Yuck!" from siblings!) then this can often be improved.

I know I'm showing my age by banging on about Toddler Taming, all this supernannying and baby whispering is a bit New Age for me! :rotfl:but Christopher Green's a very honest writer, a parent who admits his own mistakes ...

Kimitatsu

I have to agree with Sue on this one.

My DS (now 10!) was just the same and to be honest has never ever been a good sleeper, even now he finds it hard to drop off and stay asleep right through the night.

The only way I got him to sleep through in the end was to put a bed in our room (seperate bed but he could hear us breathing). He would go to bed earlier than us but if he woke in the dark he was reassured. Then I let him chose his own "big boys" bed, but it was on the understanding that it would have to be in his room (which he shared with his brother at the time) because big boys dont sleep in mummy's room.

It worked a treat, he chose a midi sleeper with a slide (for him not being close to the floor did the trick) we ordered it together and he helped me put it up. He has slept in his own room ever since! We do still occasionally get the nightmares but the relief after 4 years of broken sleep was amazing.

Its hard at first but stick with it, you all deserve some sleep.

Savvy_Sue

:rotfl: at all the compliments I'm getting - maybe I have a future career as supergran (not that I have much chance of being one IRL, you understand!)

anyway, Kimitatsu's comment about hearing the breathing gave me another thought: some children like it really quiet, others like a little bit of background. (So do some grownups, of course!) DS3 always hated going to bed on his own, and used to play up until DS2 came up (they were sharing), also DS3 liked a nightlight and DS2 got to the stage where he couldn't sleep with it on! When DS2 was a baby we were given one of those wind up musical cot toys, which played for a full 10 minutes - and that was GREAT for controlled crying! I also used to leave a detuned radio near him: he seemed to like 'white noise'. And now he sleeps with his computer on all night ...

So, consider [STRIKE]bribery[/STRIKE] incentives ...

If she doesn't yet have one, would your daughter like to go and choose a special night light? My MIL has a Winnie the Pooh one which is very stylish (!) Or somewhere we have one which projects a moving image of the night sky onto the ceiling - maybe your daughter would like to lie in bed watching this until she falls asleep. Would listening to story or nursery rhyme tapes or CDs at low volume help? Whale songs even! The point is - and again I stress that at 3 you can do some reasoning and explanation - that she stays in her bed on her own when she is first put to bed. The light and/or stories are to provide some comfort. You are never far away, but she is a big girl, and big girls go to sleep on their own.

Another thought is that if she keeps calling out to check you are there, you could just walk past her bedroom door so that she can see you, but without massive interaction. "I am here, you know I am here, now be quiet and go to sleep." For some children this works if combined with star charts. They never worked for my lot, but that's probably because I wasn't such a good mum as I appear to be ... :rotfl:

Heck, you could try standing at the door and just GLARING: sometimes my lot knew I was there and wished I wasn't! And now of course I'm just an embarrassment ...

djtonyb

Well I took the advice onboard and started on Friday evening.

We did bath and then bed. She drank her milk while I read 2 Mr Men stories and when she stared to yawn I 'needed the loo'. Hey presto off she went on her own :j

Saturday I did the same thing :T

Last night she had 1 story and was really quite awake. I went to my bedroom to 'find my watch' and she shouted 3 times where are you I told her I was looking for my watch and would be in in a minute. Hey presto off she went.

We'll continue like this for a few weeks til she's settled then we'll tackle bringing the bedtime forward. Although she never exhibits tired behaviour until nearly 8 o'clock.

Wish me luck

TheWaltons_3

Personally, I think 8pm is a late bedtime for a 3 yr old.

What time is she getting up in the morning? Is she having an afternoon nap?

You say she was diagnosed at 6mths with night Terrors... was that something they mentioned it could be?

I think you need to be strong and I wouldn't sit in the bedroom reading stories for too long. I would try the controlled crying again.

All my kids go to bed at 7pm and wake up at 7am. Admittedly my eldest, who is almost 2, occasionally wakes for a bottle.. but she just hits us with it until we get her one and then she goes back to sleep. I have never fussed them when it is bedtime - I read stories after dinner.

this situation is solveable, so don't worry. And don't feel guilty that you work full time.

eira

I totally agree with Savvy Sue. I read all the books about kids needing sleep etc-my eldest daughter never has, not since she was born. Totally affable and totally awake. Breast fed etc till she was 2 and a half. I took her to the GP asking if there was anything wrong and he just said that some kids just didn't need the sleep. So when she hit three we tried the negotiating- you are a big girl now etc. Even at that age she was a really keen 'reader' and loved books and drawing. The door was left open , light on in hall and a small light night in the room. We also had a baby monitor so that she knew we could hear her. I should add that her father -even when he was around- was no support at all in terms of child care. I have just seen her off for a working holiday in France-she is now 21. She was up cheerfully until 5.20am finishing off her university work.

Go with your instincts and the flow-take advice that makes emotional sense to you as a mother. If you follow some of the draconian-you should/the child should etc you'll worry yourself to death. Said daughter (like her sister) never crawled either or went through the routine described in the baby books. I remember worrying about that as well. And as for breastfeeding after the three month limit !

wifeforlife

djtonyb wrote: »

Well I took the advice onboard and started on Friday evening.

We did bath and then bed. She drank her milk while I read 2 Mr Men stories and when she stared to yawn I 'needed the loo'. Hey presto off she went on her own :j

Saturday I did the same thing :T

Last night she had 1 story and was really quite awake. I went to my bedroom to 'find my watch' and she shouted 3 times where are you I told her I was looking for my watch and would be in in a minute. Hey presto off she went.

We'll continue like this for a few weeks til she's settled then we'll tackle bringing the bedtime forward. Although she never exhibits tired behaviour until nearly 8 o'clock.

Wish me luck

Great news, Well done!!!!!!

See you can do it, and as you've probably noticed your not the only one, everyone of us has had the problems too. I'm delighted the weekend has went so well, hopefully the week will follow with the same great results, dont forget to be OTT about praise every morning!

Cate

djtonyb

We did it again last night :j :j and she slept through from 9pm til 7.45 am this morning.

Praise is coming thick and fast.

Thanks to all who replied and gave help :T

eira

Congratulations ! So glad it's getting better. Ifound the important division was between bedtime and going to sleep. When I was a kid I used to be put to bed, room light off (but light on in hall) and expected top go to sleep. I never did and used to be awake for hours. My favourite Christmas present was always a torch so I could read under the bed clothes. I'm still awake long after everyone else is asleep. There are big advantages to this.

Kids can learn from negotiating 'me 'time and activities that make them feel good and safe.It was books that made all the difference-- for mine it was negotiating and sticking to a bedtime so that everyone got a 'me' time/ a source of light/ and a baby monitor so that I was always 'there'.

All the best