Need to sort my life out

bounce08

Dimey wrote: »

Crikey - you've chosen to make every bad move you could possibly find. I think you do have an urgent need to seek medical help.

You should tell your GP about your Father's medical history and tell him what you've become through gambling. Ask to be referred to a re-habilitation clinic. Tell him how depressed you are - everything you've told us.

Read this: -
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/addiction/Pages/gamblingaddiction.aspx

Please do pay back the money you borrowed from your relative, from your next pay packet. You don't want to alienate family on top of all this.

Stop spending actual money on the gambling. If you must - just continue making the bets etc against yourself in a book and track how you do but don't put money down. Well you haven't got any now so make this the start.

You can subsist on Porridge, beans, sausages, spinach, bananas and apples for 2 weeks till your next pay. Look on site for old fashioned cheap meals.

If you really don't have a penny, you'll have to go to the many charitable soup kitchens & food banks in London. The Salvation Army will point you in the right direction.

http://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/uki/Food-Poverty

You are throwing your youth away if you continue so please go to the GP urgently.

Thankyou for replying.

If I have ever borrowed money from a real person I have always paid them back, so that wont be a problem.

I have about £1.30 I have nothing to sell no savings no overdraft nothing. Its ironic, my profession is fairly well respected and reputable I am nothing of the sort. Ive got a packet of instant rice, about 300g of porridge, 2 pints of milk, 2 tins of tuna and some whey protein powder, half a jar of honey.

Now I have no money I dont have an urge to gamble, just to get help, but I know as soon as I get any money I will need to gamble to "improve my situation".

Just wish I had listened to my parents when I was younger, telling me not to gamble £1 on football to "save my money". £80,000 gambled later, here I am with nothing, £30k debt and a negative equity mortgage.

I am in a way looking forward to speaking to my GP. I am concerned they wont take me seriously though, that they think Im dont have a problem because I come across upbeat (due to putting a brave face on for work) and will just send me away with a leaflet. Thats my fear.

I am also concerned that work wont take it seriously, and my managers will not take it seriously.

bounce08

Thanks I have been on medication recently when I lived elsewhere. It helped for a bit but I stopped taking it due to side effects.

I will see what my GP says today and speak to my work's counsellors. I will need to improve my money situation before I engage in anything else. I need to improve my fitness (I have a slim frame but my stamina is terrible)

Novacanada

Getting all this out and in words is a really, really great start (i read a university of auckland paper the other day - they found that writing poetry actually made people's physical wounds heal faster.. so i suppose that writing on forums does EXACTLY the same for emotional pain, though poetry obviously would hypothetically be great).

But don't undervalue your ability to get results. I hear a resolve from within your text - so try to leverage that resolve while you have it.

Before you go into the GP make sure you're ready to press them for real answers. When they try to rush you off, take a stand.

Similarly if you feel that work needs to be supportive, then have a meeting and make a demand of your boss. You put in huge productive hours for them, psychological support is so cheap considering the value you give them..

So back yourself. You know what you want, so make some strategies and contingencies up so that your goals are met!

Novacanada

Good stuff. Honestly, through the problems, it seems to me like this time around you are really ready for a positive change!

It can take some people half a lifetime to sort things out - and thats fine. Just jump in the deep end and something has to happen

( my last post went up before i knew you had posted yours )

quartzy

You are crying out for help, but the best help has to come from you. You must work out a budget, and from that pay off your bills and rent each month and then buy your food for the month, do that before you look at how much wages you have in the bank. Whatever is left you can spend.

The next thing you must do is go back to gamblers anonymous there are day and night time meetings and there must be one you can go to, each person gets an advisor to talk to so you can ask them where are the meetings nearest to you. IF you do not know then phone up again.

Gambler anonymous is not religious, though for those that are they find it helps, you can seek a higher power which could simply be strength of mind, or inner serenity or whatever rocks you. Gradually you will look to this to gain some of your trust in. Gamblers anonymous has to be gone to over and over again once is not enough to get a true estimate of how it works. Just being with the same group of people will help if you let it and what else do you have? Please give it another try, you may learn something that you never knew was affecting you and get the strength to look at that.

Dimey

The GP is the first stop in the morning. Tell them it is a medical emergency. Severe depression.

When you get in to the Doctor, show him this thread. You've explained it really well. Tell him how desperate you are even though you cover it with a brave face. Explain that your gambling and alcohol addiction have cost you virtually every item you own and that you have no food for the next two weeks. Get that referral to a re-habilitation clinic.

You do know that gambling will not pay off your debts. All it will do is put you further into debt. You've proved that yourself. So there's really no point continuing that road.

I would keep the news of your fragility from your employers if you possibly can. You've obviously managed to "act" your way though work so far. Continue that way if you can because if they feel your addictions are affecting your work and you become a liability they may decide to let you go. Then where would you be.

Work with your GP for now.

After you've seen your GP, go for a walk in the park then go back to your room and tidy up. Clean the place. Wash the sheets and start to make a nice haven to come home to.

Working long hours will be good in a way until you are feeling better. It will keep your mind off the alcohol and gambling. But when you are on the mend then cut back and start to live your life without gambling & booze. Come back to ask for ideas what to do then.

You should think about telling your Mum the truth. She deserves to know how you are even if there's nothing she can do. She will still want to give you love and support to help you through. And you need a shoulder to cry on. That's what your Mum is for.

bounce08

Dimey wrote: »

The GP is the first stop in the morning. Tell them it is a medical emergency. Severe depression.

When you get in to the Doctor, show him this thread. You've explained it really well. Tell him how desperate you are even though you cover it with a brave face. Explain that your gambling and alcohol addiction have cost you virtually every item you own and that you have no food for the next two weeks. Get that referral to a re-habilitation clinic.

You do know that gambling will not pay off your debts. All it will do is put you further into debt. You've proved that yourself. So there's really no point continuing that road.

I would keep the news of your fragility from your employers if you possibly can. You've obviously managed to "act" your way though work so far. Continue that way if you can because if they feel your addictions are affecting your work and you become a liability they may decide to let you go. Then where would you be.

Work with your GP for now.

After you've seen your GP, go for a walk in the park then go back to your room and tidy up. Clean the place. Wash the sheets and start to make a nice haven to come home to.

Working long hours will be good in a way until you are feeling better. It will keep your mind off the alcohol and gambling. But when you are on the mend then cut back and start to live your life without gambling & booze. Come back to ask for ideas what to do then.

You should think about telling your Mum the truth. She deserves to know how you are even if there's nothing she can do. She will still want to give you love and support to help you through. And you need a shoulder to cry on. That's what your Mum is for.

Reading that genuinely made me feel a bit more positive about getting help. This is how isolated Ive become, the best advice Ive had is from anonymous people on an internet forum. I like the idea of showing the GP this thread I did not think of that. I like the idea of going for a walk after I'll give that a go.

Thankyou very much.

Dimey

That's good Bounce08 :-)

Don't worry about using anonymous people as a bit of a crutch for a while. You are doing the best you can under demoralising circumstances. Not everyone would think to bounce off others. The beauty of this is that we are not actually in your life so your innermost thoughts are still private. But take forum opinions carefully. Consider whether the advice is right for you or not. We don't know you well and what we say may not be right for you. Just use common sense.

Your life will turn around. It has to. But it takes baby steps and willpower. Its difficult for you right now because you are near the bottom of the hill. Over the coming months you'll start to climb and slowly fix a different problem a step at a time till you regain your zest for life and self confidence.

When you've stopped gambling and drinking you can put that money saved to regularly paying off that debt. OK over a long period of time but it just has to be done that way. Don't do anything to add to the debt as that will take you even longer to pay back.

Gradually get your work/life balance better. Lean towards more normal working hours but doing better quality work in those hours so you are still valued by the people that are paying you that essential salary. You really can't afford to lose your job. Make sure your work is not affected. That's something you've been successful at so take a pride in that accomplishment.

In your spare time, evenings and weekends start to re-build your home. Visit charity shops to replace the items you've sold. Don't be embarrassed. When I was young I had to buy everything second hand as I didn't have the money for new. I still only have a few pieces of new things. It means I'm able to have a nice home around me with no debts to mess my mind up.

When you are all clean and tidy and on the road to recovery then go join an exercise class or social club. There will be lots in London. They needn't cost a lot of money, just a few pounds for local groups of people. Not big commercial gyms. Start to build this social side of your life that has been lacking. When you make friends with a few people or one special person you'll have someone to go out with and life will be less lonely.

John1993_2

Giving medical advice to an individual is extremely irresponsible. Their GP is the right person to advise them regarding the possibilities of taking (or not taking) a specific medication.

Please, do not give advice like the above, to someone for whom appropriate medication, properly prescribed, might be a life saver.

iolanthe07

I didnt like it as it has religious undertones

Surely you can put up with a bit of religion if Gamblers Anonymous can help you turn your life around? You don't have to believe the religious bits, but gambling is the issue you have to face before anything else, and GA are the people who can help you.