Need to sort my life out

bounce08

I really don't know how to sort my life out. I don't know who to turn to and feel stupid going to a GP as they have people with real issues to see.

- I have no friends. I moved to London for my job a few years ago which is mainly working by myself.

- I live 200 miles from families who I am not very close to

- I hate my job I have no motivation I book leave just so I don't have to face it

- I have over 30k unsecured debt and a mortgage in severe negative equity. I cannot commit psycholigically to paying a DMP I've tried this for years and I can't. I am not eligible for BR and an IVA is too long. I stay awake at night.

- I can't stop gambling and drinking secretly without work knowing

- I live in a rubbish room in a terrible area I hate it.

Nothing is good. I just want to start again but this isn't a computer game.

joedenise

Please go and see your GP - you sound severely depressed and the GP can help.

worriedwilf

Hi

Well done for posting. I definitely think that you need to see your GP. I have suffered depression and a lot of what you have said reminds me of what I went through. Please book an appt asap.

As for the money - Can you go and sit down with citizens advice bureau and discuss your options. Martin Lewis always says that he has never seen a debt problem that isn't solvable and I personally keep this in mind when I am stressing about my own finance.

I really think that your health and happiness need to take priority though as the rest will fall into place.

Justicia

joedenise wrote: »

Please go and see your GP - you sound severely depressed and the GP can help.

^^ This.

If it's of any potential help, take a print-out of your OP with you as a starting point for your GP to discuss.

Upsidedown_Bear

Can I suggest you have a read of this?

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide

ETA
OP - there is some very good help and advice on your previous thread. Can I suggest you have a re-read?
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4520189

Ilona

OP you posted about your gambling addiction in March, you also said you had been diagnosed with depression. As Upsidedown Bear suggests, go back to that previous thread and read the good advice you were given.
Ilona

Verbatim

ex and would be ex-gamblers support thread
Try posting on here too.

Good luck

stevemLS

How did you manage to get a mortgage with such a poor credit record? I thought you lived in cheap accommodation that came with the job?

I echo what others said on the earlier thread, I don't think you are ready to change.

Virtually any addiction turns the addict into a liar - not a judgment, just a fact.

I truly wish you well, I know what it feels like, not with gambling but addiction is addiction. Until you get honest, though, no-one can help you.

From what you've said about the job, I am guessing police. May be wrong - but if bankruptcy will cause you to lose your job, it is likely CCJs will as well. Your not sticking to your DMP places you at risk of one or the other.

Good luck.

bounce08

I have posted a few threads before yes and did listen to some of the advice regarding seeking help for gambling.

I went to the first meeting local to me. I had a bit of advice there, but nothing I havent heard before which doesnt really change anything. It's obviously a longer term thing. I havent been back since as my work's shift pattern isnt consistant so I cant stick to dates. It was a gamblers anonymous meeting, I didnt like it as it has religious undertones and the "12 steps" incorporated mentions of God and spiritual beliefs which left a bad taste in my mouth.

I dont want work to know. I started being honest with them a few months ago but found I was put at a disadvantage in several ways due to being considered "unstable" (their words), so I lied and said I was fine and put a brave face on things.

I put on a face at work - No one at work would think I had anything wrong, I laugh and joke there, probably the complete opposite to how I feel at home!

steveMLS - I had a mortgage when my credit was okay, 9 years ago. Its a long story.

.....................................

This week has been the worst. I gambled all of my money for food away. I sold my last "asset" I have in my room which was a Laptop and gambled that money too. I then borrowed money from a relative (a fair bit) making excuses and now thats gone. Its weird how much you depend on a computer when its gone.

I have lots of shame, I would never fully admit my problems to my family so woudnt borrow anymore money as they would catch on. Family have been under a lot of pressure, my dad suffered from paranoid schizophrenia for a long time so my mum is under an insane amount of pressure with that so they last thing I would ever do is lumber even more on my family with this.

I have no money left, literally and payday is a couple of weeks away. I have some porridge and a packet of rice and some tinned tuna but thats it. I spent my last £10 on alcohol!

---

I'm a very objective person. I get a lot of experience dealing with people in very dire situations with my job and I know I'm heading their way and I hate the thought of ending up homeless or even in a hostel. I get paid fairly well. Ive stopped paying my pension just to provide more money on payday.

I know I need to do something. It's monday morning now. When my GP opens I will phone them and book an appointment. I will also speak to my job's in-house counsellor.

I feel like such a fool. I know its wrong but even considered leaving my job just so I'm unemployed and eligible for bankruptcy! But I think I'd be even worse off.

I know my main issue is gambling, and the reason I gamble is my debts and the restrictions of them on my life, all the alcohol and the rest of the problems are compounded by these two issues.

Because Im quite lonely and isolated and work A LOT (sometimes 70+ hours a week) at unsocial hours, my life is literally work/sleep/work. The time off I do have is literally spent lying in bed on my laptop, gambling and drinking, I dont have a tv. I now dont have a laptop (I am typing this using my phone). I dont know anyone. I dont have money to do anything and I have no interest in what I can do for free.

Its funny, Ive read that gamblers thread above and a lot of people say things like "im stopping to save my family" or "i need to save my marriage", "my other half supports me, looks after my cash" - I dont have any of that, there is no urgency.

So now I've got 3 days off, literally staring at a ceiling! I'll see my GP asap but its a busy practice and they'll probably offer me something in a weeks time or something unless its a medical emergency which its not.

Any way I can see a GP today considering Im not in an urgent medical situation?

Dimey

Crikey - you've chosen to make every bad move you could possibly find. I think you do have an urgent need to seek medical help.

You should tell your GP about your Father's medical history and tell him what you've become through gambling. Ask to be referred to a re-habilitation clinic. Tell him how depressed you are - everything you've told us.

Read this: -
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/addiction/Pages/gamblingaddiction.aspx

Please do pay back the money you borrowed from your relative, from your next pay packet. You don't want to alienate family on top of all this.

Stop spending actual money on the gambling. If you must - just continue making the bets etc against yourself in a book and track how you do but don't put money down. Well you haven't got any now so make this the start.

You can subsist on Porridge, beans, sausages, spinach, bananas and apples for 2 weeks till your next pay. Look on site for old fashioned cheap meals.

If you really don't have a penny, you'll have to go to the many charitable soup kitchens & food banks in London. The Salvation Army will point you in the right direction.

http://www.salvationarmy.org.uk/uki/Food-Poverty

You are throwing your youth away if you continue so please go to the GP urgently.

Novacanada

boucne08 you should definitely hit the counsellors and talk to them about how to turn your life around.

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

You need to do some things you find difficult - you need to join a club of some kind. preferably a club with young people, and a club that gets you outside a lit (orienteering, mountaineering).

Physical exercise, and some awkward social experiences wil help you back on the path toward happiness. Endorphin (what you release when exercising) addictions and social clubs help me whenever I move city. And I highly recommend them!

Anyway, hope you manage to reign in your 70+ hours to something healthier, and that you manage to stop spending your money (i.e. your freedom) on things you don't necessarily need.

Hope this helps. Nova