Long Rant! Children and Lollypops...

bestpud

changkra wrote: »

As well as that no one knows whether she has had some kind of scare with her children in the past or a family over a child she knows, which would of course make her extremely protective of her little people. Give it time, she may start to become more sociable and friendly as she settles in and gets to know people better, but don't beat yourself up over this .

That was my thought to. I have over reacted in situations like this but it stems from my past - it may well be the same for her. Some incidents can have long-lasting impacts on the way we are with people, particularly where our children are concerned.

I wouldn't have put them in the bin and shouted in front of my children though, it as to be said, but I would want to check it out further. We all deal with things differently though, and she is obviously someone who likes to shout!

Don't worry about it - you've done nothing wrong. As already said, mention it to her in passing and I'm sure you'll find she was unsure what the situation was and over reacted.

Hth

Bestpud

savagevixen

Gosh what a nightmare! To be honest I would get really upset if ANYONE gave any of my 5 lollipops. I hate them, and see them as toothrotters, they are also dangerous.
I am not having a go, my children do have sweets from time to time, but never lollipops. We are all different and everyone is happy with different things. I have always felt like this and it was recently compounded when a five-year old in the village had the sweet part fall of and become lodged in her throat, she was rushed to the DR.s and it was ok. So, although I would never scream at someone, I might say something, and would most certainly not allow the children to eat them.
She is clearly a stress head and probably isn't very happy and over-reacts about a lot of things.
I am also sorry to add that I grew up on a farm and animals lived outside. I was always wary of dogs, and was biten by a neighbours at about age 9. I dislike dogs intensely. I also think they are not very clean and their poo is dangerous to children. When caught unawares, particularly by kids, they sometimes nip or bite. My mum has 2 and I am always very cautious with young children.
So perhaps she's just like me on a really really bad day.
I really and not trying to be annoying and disagreeing, but I truly feel very strongly about these 2 topics, and just wished to illustrate a different side. She may well be a right snappy old cow, who is just picking a fight. I have no idea!

nearlyamum

Thanks for your replies. Its great to have so many views with not being a Mum myself (yet!) so I can now see the other side to the story (as there are always two sides!).

I’m feeling a lot better about it all now and even though I have still not seen the Mum, she has since sent the children out in the garden while I have been there. I did feel uncomfortable at first (waiting for the screaming out the window!) but it never came. However, I was surprised that the children still speak to me as though nothing has happened. I assumed they would also have been told not to speak to ‘strangers’ but maybe as I am not a ‘stranger’ she has had another talk to them. I just reply but in all honesty feel slightly awkward now.

I will speak to the Mum at some point but for now am happy to put this episode behind me, keep the (sugar-free) lollys exclusively for my nieces, nephews and friends children and from now on treat my neighbours as just that, neighbours.

Elle00

Could I just add something?

The lollipop issue aside, which others have commented on, could I ask you to please consider whether or not you feel the screaming and swearing going on is really a bit excessive? Because whilst all Mums lose their tempers from time to time, if you think the woman's behaviour is excessive and might constitute abuse of some description it would be a good idea to at least make an anonymous phone call to Social Services. Maybe the woman just needs a reminder that it's not appropriate to scream and swear at young children and that there are better ways of disciplining young children.

Like I said, we all get stressed and lose our tempers from time to time but what kind of life is it to be yelled and screamed at constantly? I was miserable growing up like that and what none of the neighbours realised was that along with the screaming, swearing and put-downs also came shoves, slaps and kicks

bestpud

I must admit I thought of the original child when the shouting and screaming was mentioned. If that didn't happen before, it must be very hard to have a new 'mum' move in and start that sort of behaviour!!! And also getting uptight about things the dad has always been happy about must be confusing to say the least.

As for her daughter, she is probably used to it, but that doesn't make it any better!

It seems worse to me now that you've said the children are acting as though nothing has happened. I always think it's sad when children become 'immune' to such actions and it says a lot about the way they ae being brought up.

Contacting social services so soon after the blow up may make things difficult though! Maybe keeping an eye/ear on the situation would be advisable before you take any action? It's a difficult one though because children have a right to be protected....

Good luck with your pregnancy and I hope things settle down soon, for you and your neighbours

Bestpud

savagevixen

Not wishing to aound even more annoying, but actually the sugafree lollipops, to me are as bad if not worse. Without sugar/glucose etc they are sweetened artificially, with chemicals. Chemicals like Aspartame and saccharin. These are all chemicals I do not like to put into children (or adult), sugar-free and low-cal very often justa are packed with evil chemicals. If the children have to have something then I prefer real sugar, or chocolate, there are also really good fruity bars available from Health Food Shops. My kids love them, although the 8 year old does not think they are sweets any more!!!
On the subject of shouting, don't be to quick to judge, she could be a lovely mum, just stretched and shouty. Sometimes I am loud, but when five kids are arguing and shouting you have to be to get heard!!! But I don't beat my kids!!! My friends OH swears all the time, the kids don't and he's a fab father. Everyone is different!
(And think of The Osbournes!!!Although I don't know anyone quite like that!)

Broken_hearted

I buy cheap ice lollies to give the kids when they are out playing. I wouldn't let one persons ignorance get to you.

Elle00

savagevixen wrote: »

On the subject of shouting, don't be to quick to judge, she could be a lovely mum, just stretched and shouty. Sometimes I am loud, but when five kids are arguing and shouting you have to be to get heard!!! But I don't beat my kids!!! My friends OH swears all the time, the kids don't and he's a fab father. Everyone is different!
(And think of The Osbournes!!!Although I don't know anyone quite like that!)

Well it's not our place to judge, it's Social Services. So I asked the OP to consider if she feels the swearing and shouting at these young children is excessive because of the poor picture she's painted of this Mother and if so alert Social Services so they can judge the situation on a professional basis. Nobody is saying that everyone who shouts at their kids beats them but unfortunately it does often happen when a parent has a quick temper they cannot control - which shouting and swearing at young children is a sign of. Note that I am referring to the original post rather than just the fact she yelled at them to get in when she saw them patting the dog.

savagevixen

Elle83 wrote: »

Well it's not our place to judge, it's Social Services. So I asked the OP to consider if she feels the swearing and shouting at these young children is excessive because of the poor picture she's painted of this Mother and if so alert Social Services so they can judge the situation on a professional basis. Nobody is saying that everyone who shouts at their kids beats them but unfortunately it does often happen when a parent has a quick temper they cannot control - which shouting and swearing at young children is a sign of. Note that I am referring to the original post rather than just the fact she yelled at them to get in when she saw them patting the dog.

I wasn't disagreeing with you. But I am saddened that this society has come to this. An immediate suggestion of calling Social Services, I find it terrifying. The OP posted about lollipops and we have people suggesting Social Services! I am not saying your wrong, but goodness I am glad your not my neighbour.
You essentially are asking her to judge whether or not she thinks it is bad enough to call social services, I agree with the sentiment of keeping an eye on the situation, but possibly, unnecessarily causing SS involved is not to be taken lightly. I haven't read anything that indicates a level of abuse that needs reporting, even in the original post.
I have had enough people making horrendous judgements about my son who has Asperger's and somebody sticking their nose in would have been terrible.

savagevixen

Broken_hearted wrote: »

I buy cheap ice lollies to give the kids when they are out playing. I wouldn't let one persons ignorance get to you.

Always an exception for ice lollies-I love them!:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: