Long Rant! Children and Lollypops...

nearlyamum

My DH and I live in a rented flat in a block with 5 other neighbours. We have never had any problems in the 5 years we have been here (we were the first to move in). The guy in the flat across from us lives alone with his 7yo daughter staying alternate weekends. She is a lovely child and often comes out to the communal garden to play with our dog. I usually buy her a little gift for xmas and a small Easter egg, etc, and give her sweets on occasion after asking her Dad first. He eventually told me I don’t have to always ask him but I was to make sure she said thank you!

The flat above is occupied by a guy who has his 6yo son every weekend. He has really bad money problems is always be asking to borrow things, such as sugar, coffee, etc. As with my other neighbour’s daughter, I would often give his son treats to which his Dad was always appreciative as he said he could never afford them. I even bought his dog a chew bones on occasion!

Around 3 months ago a woman and her 7yo daughter moved in with the guy upstairs and from then on there have been all sorts of problems. I have not seen her to talk to. I only hear her screaming and swearing at her children. The neighbours directly across from him have had issues with him not taking his rubbish out on collection days and his dog urinating in the block. The guy across from me has issues with him using his washing line (yes, I know!). However, I have always been neutral and speak to all neighbours and never badmouth the other.

But, last weekend everything changed. The 7yo girl from across me was playing out with the little boy from above me and the 7yo ‘new’ girl who he has been instructed to call his ‘sister’. We had just arrived home so the dog needed to go out and all was fine until I decided to go and get a lollypop for each of the three children. BIG mistake. They all politely said thank you and I never gave it a second thought. However, the next day my neighbours who have a dispute with the guy upstairs told me that the little girl’s Mum screamed at her and the little boy for ‘taking sweets from a stranger’ and made them put the lollypops in the bin! To add to this, when I took the dog out the next day the girl’s Mum screamed for her to ‘get in now’ as soon as she said ‘Hi, can I stroke the dog’. I felt an inch tall and really quite tearful.

I can’t tell you how sick to the stomach I feel still and I can’t get it out of my mind. I know it is so petty and such a stupid thing to worry about but it is really getting me down. My DH makes light of the situation by calling it ‘Lollypop-Gate’ telling me to forget about it but I hate ill feeling and I dread taking my dog out now. I know I should not have assumed it was OK to give the girl sweets and I have learnt a big lesson but it was nothing different to what I had given the little boy on countless occasions.

I’m 7 months pregnant and could do without this. Sorry to go on, I just needed to get it off my chest and I hope it’s my hormones making me feel this way!

Thanks for reading.

arlybarly

hiya nearlyamum
hormones when pregnant makes u take things like its the end of the world, i should know. im like u with my kids friends, when they were little i was always out the front with ice lolls and stuff and i had 2 dogs that they were always fussin. i never reallyt came across other moms who were like that to me for givin sweets out, most people are alright, but the world is full of nobs that can make u feel like you are doin somthing wrong when all you are doin is being nice. my kids are older now though and all their mates descend on my house which is nice cause they feel comfortable so TAKE NO NOTICE and carry on doin what u think is best xx

RadoJo

Don't worry - I am sure this is no reflection on you at all and just her over-reaction to what could (in completely different circumstances) have been a dangerous situation. Imagine you were her - you might have jumped the gun too if you didn't realise the situation. For all you know, when the mother asked her daughter where the lollies came from she just said 'A lady gave them to us' and if she was not aware that you were a friend (or at least a known acquaintance) of the family, jumping to the most dismal conclusion is unfortunately the natural thing to do.

If it is worrying you then maybe you could go and speak to her - explain the situation and try and come to an agreement which you are both happy with. Or if you are too worked up, maybe a note under the door. I think what you have written here sums it all up in a way that she cannot fail to realise that it was no more than a misunderstanding.

And how nice of you to look out for these kids! I am sure when the mother realises that you are just being nice, she will feel differently about the situation.

Psykicpup

I agree with Radojo - ladies daughter didnt know you so couldnt explain properly. She (mum) is probably feeling a bit out of sorts -she sounds stressed from what you posted. Lets face it she's moved in to a new area with a 7yr (+ more) with a guy with money problems who isnt getting on with at least some of his neighbours!
I'd make a point of 'bumping' into her, & apologise for the lollypop incident & reassure her that you will check with her next time.:A
It may even be that her daughter is affected by sugars, causing hypo & therefore the shouting etc you have heard. Or maybe she's trying to get a better routine going & you gave them sweets just before dinner. She may even be a bit afraid of the relationship you seem to have with the bloke & his son......As for ccalling the child away when you let the dog out - maybe SHE is scared of dogs......
It would be lovely if you could strike up a friendship now before baby is born as I'm sure a mum of a 7yr old has some tips/advise/hugs that you will apprieciate in the next while!:j
Good Luck

Curious_George_2

call it a sad indication of our times if you like but my ex OH lives in a block of flats, and he has our DD to stay as often as he can...
if she told me some random woman from the flats gave her sweets i would probably chuck them out too,

its got nothing to do with how nice you are, or how good your intentions were,
we spend years teaching our children not to take sweets from strangers... and as far as the mum is concerned thats exactly what you are.

nearlyamum

Thanks all for reading and replying. I really appreciate it.

Although I have not spoken to the mum, I see my neighbour (her partner) often in the garden with his own dog and the two children. The little girl has spoken to me many times over the last few months as her 'step father' introduced me and me to her when she and her mum moved in. His own little boy knows me very well as his father has lived there just over two years. I'm neither a stranger nor a random lady to them which is why it has caused me such surprise and upset.

If the children are out on their own, she often stands at the kitchen window overlooking the garden (its at the back and confined) so she know me and all the other neighbours by sight and of course her partner could have confirmed my identity but obviously chose not to.

Anyway, I feel better for posting and for gaining other views so thanks again. And I have learned a big life lesson!

SeptemberBaby_2

What a horrible situation and all very confusing why your neighbour himself did not step in and nip it in the bud. If I was so concerned about the lolly then I would be straight down to your flat to talk but maybe he, the neighbour, has now intervened? Talk about giving your children confused messages regarding strangers - one day you are and one day you're not?!?

Don't stress any more about it and put it down to experience.

x

changkra

I really wouldn't get upset about this as its not going to do you any good really seeing as your pregnant:T . As well as that no one knows whether she has had some kind of scare with her children in the past or a family over a child she knows, which would of course make her extremely protective of her little people. Give it time, she may start to become more sociable and friendly as she settles in and gets to know people better, but don't beat yourself up over this .

spoilt_BUT_appreciate_it

When she asked her child where they got the lolly from she probably just said 'I dunno some lady'.... rather than saying the neighbour who lives over there and she got the others one aswell.

It's probably just sheer panic with all the stories you hear

spoilt_BUT_appreciate_it

I remember my sister when growing up would talk to anyone and accept goodies and dissappear into their homes for a drink or biscuit to see their puppies/kittens or frogs in the pond etc

She would then get into alot of trouble with our mum because she was told specifically not to do these type of things

No awareness of the possible danger....

It's SAD really that it's like this BUT we're just trying to protect them

spoilt_BUT_appreciate_it

changkra wrote: »

BUT don't beat yourself up over this .

I agree..., besides give it time and I'm sure they'll become more familiar with you all and they'll be just another friendly neighbour:rotfl: