Real-life MMD: Should I pay fixed contribution for teacher's gift?

oldnewhand

I am a retired teacher and loved receiving those genuine thanks but frankly found the competitive gift culture of some parents embarrassing. It was if by buying a more expensive Christmas present they were buying advantages for their child, they didnt. I must admit to thinking occasionally that if the value of the "token" gifts from parents who knew me as a teacher rather than as a person were added together I could have something quite valuable but that's not the spirit in which the gift should be given. It's not monetary value but an expression of appreciation any other gift in this situation is meaningless. I still have some of the wonderful messages I was given and have been retired nearly 5 years.
So I totally disagree with a stated donation, the figure of £25 is staggeringly huge. Although I'm sure a voucher would be very acceptable it is also very impersonal. I taught young children and they came in bursting with pride with their present, sometimes it was one of their toys they'd wrapped up for you which showed how much you meant you meant to them (hope it wasn't a toy they'd got fed up with!)

Dizbatty

I volunteer in Oxfam, and at the end of Term, especially the Summer Term, we are inundated with "Gift for Teacher" mugs, plants, pens and the like! This shows what value some teachers place on 28 mugs from Tesco they are presented with!!! As many posters write, a card or drawing is sufficient.....teachers are paid for their great work in teaching our children and parents should hold onto their cash!!!

Funky_Bold_Ribena

wildthing01 wrote: »

i'm sorry - is this real?

Course it's not real! MSE needed to get the figures up so posted a ridiculous dilemma that anyone with an iota of sense would sort in 5 seconds at home without resorting to asking strange people at the end of the internet their opinion.

Catlover65

I am an ex primary school teacher, and I would never have accepted such a system. If a parent / child chose to get me a SMALL gift at the end of the year I was touched. The best presents were cards made by the children, not expensive gifts bought by parents. (I still have a folder of them under the bed in the spare room!) The whole essence of the thank you gift is destroyed if it's not a personal choice.
When I left my last school the parents of the children in my class chose to club together to buy me a leaving gift, which was lovely. But it was their choice, not run by the school.
I agree that this policy should be challenged. Get some other parents onside - you can't be the only one who is unhappy - and write a polite but firm letter to the head teacher. I'd suggest you approach it from the point of the children - the current system robs them of the chance to make / choose a suitable gift, and teaches them a very strange message about the value and purpose of gift giving. The school might choose to ignore a financial argument, but if it's phrased in terms of children's learning they can't. Good luck!

originalkat

yz324 wrote: »

Personally, I think teachers is one of the most underpaid profession in this country. I believe (maybe incorrectly), for many people on this forum, including myself, I think 25 quid once a year is affordable since you are not paying a penny for your child' education education, but the point here is that any sort of gifts should be voluntary.

I had previously given generous personal gifts to teachers my school. (For a kid in a comprehensive, anyway), but there are teachers in my school I wouldn't give 25p to for their service.

I actually hope you go the press about this. I just think this is ridiculous.

I am gobsmacked by this, sorry I couldn't think of another word!! A request for £25 is unbelievable and no you should not pay. I appreciate it is difficult and your son might be upset but you cannot give in to this bullying. I would spend some time with your son finding a charity gift online, something for a village school perhaps as has been suggested, there should be plenty well under £25. Let him make a gift card although charities will send a message with the gift (I can think of a few messages for her).

If he is really upset, a white lie might be in order, say you asked her and she thought it was a lovely idea? No I don't usually suggest lying but you have to consider the child's feelings. I agree with all the other posts, write to the governors, taxman and make sure the local paper is aware. Hopefully that will shame the selfish madam, John Lewis indeed!!

At my grandchildren'school one of the parents organised gifts for all of the year staff this summer as the children were leaving the school. After much discussion £10 was suggested to cover all the gifts but there was no obligation if you didn't want to contribute. That was £260 between all the staff so was probably cheaper than individual cards and gifts.

Sorry to ramble on but one final point. I must take issue with the idea that education is free, what do you think you pay your taxes for? It is free at point of contact like the NHS but only because we pay vast amounts of tax. It is not a free service!!

originalkat

Just want to say something on the 'must be a private school' comments. The school I am talking about is private, however many of the parents (including my son and daughter in law) earn much less than the national average and there are lots of single parents there who like them only just manage to find the fees. That is their choice regardless of what you feel about private schools and they make a lot of sacrifices to send their children there. I know many are Martin Lewis fans and probably wouldn't be able to pay the fees without making full use of the website! Please don't assume that private school equals wealthy parents.

Heavenl1y

I'm a teacher, and I think this is appalling! At the end of the year I often get chocolates, flowers & mugs from children - but the most memorable gifts are the heartfelt thanks from parents, and the letters and cards made by the children.

I find it's always slightly awkward taking gifts from people, and the idea of taking (and asking for!!!!) gift vouchers is awful. As a parent, I'd refuse to pay - and any decent, moral teacher I know would refuse to accept!

LesD

This is a wind-up, right?

You're not trying to tell us the other 24 parents will happily cough up this amount?

JeremyCH

This is totally out of order and I bet you're not the only one thinking it.

I would suggest speaking to other parents as to their views - especially if they have more than one child there and finding out what the consensus is and then takingt the issue to the school. I, for one, certainly couldn't afford £25 each for 4 children (although they're all adults now).

I do appreciate how hard it is especially if it's making your child unhappy but this is a total rip-off by the school: whatever happened to a bunch of flowers or chocolates?

Do not pay this or make a donation that you consider reasonable say £10.

The other thing you could do is draw the school's attention to this publication which would seem to apply here especially the bit about proportionality

There is a web site you could look at which conatins useful guidace it is the Instiute for Business Ethics. As a newbie I can't post links but if you search for a document of gift hospitality it makes interesting reading

debbiesmum

It's a long time since my daughter left school, so perhaps I am out of touch - BUT I must say I'm horrified at this practice. If a parent wants to give a gift to their child's teacher - that is a private matter for them to do so. A small gift or letter of thanks was the norm in my day. My sister and I recently met an old primary school teacher and she said she still used a small glass dish which my mother had given to her at the end of one term more than 40 years ago. As my mum was widowed and there were four of us, there was no money to spare. I can't begin to think what my mother (who's now 82) would say about this post!!!!!

This is the equivalent of having a service charge imposed on you in a restaurant regardless of whether you wanted to leave a tip or not.