What is your best smart-mouthed retort?

LibbyR26

Hi, what is the best retort you have used when someone was smirking at you/looking down at you?

I passed the group of women today who were the class bullies at school. To be honest I hadn't even noticed them until I became aware of one of them rolling their eyes and smirking. Only then I looked and realised who it was. I just ignored it but would love to have had a smart-mouthed retort at the ready.

meritaten

not bullies - but I still laff to myself at this one.
guy was really coming on strong and I didn't like him one bit - so I wanted to leave - he asked if he could phone me. OK I said. 'my numbers in the phone book' - he says 'but I don't have your full name' - I reply 'oh that's in the book too'! and skedaddles outta there!

triple_choc_chip

In your scenario I think ignoring them was the best response.

My favourite line, used frequently in supermarkets as people lean across me is:

"I think 'excuse me' are the words you're searching for"

Spendless

Can't think of any from myself but one from my 10yo this week, though she hadn't realised. For the past couple of years she has been having bother with a particular group in her year that she calls 'the popular girls' and I privately think 'the witch clique' . One or two are the ringleaders whilst the rest are sheep. She's been at a sports based camp at her school with them this week whilst I've worked and one day when she collected her packed lunch from next to where they were and then a few minutes later realised she's forgotten her drink and went to get it back. This 'group' asked why she was following them, she retorted 'who'd want to follow you?' :rotfl:

She didn't realise till I explained how witty it was (IMO anyway):D

shell_girl

OP sorry it's no use to you now, but what came to me was 'Oh my goodness... you girls really haven't changed A BIT'.

It's the sort of comment you can make innocently enough, but with the right inflection would have cut them right down.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

not relevant to myself, but,,,,,

if someone comments on your weight,

'oh well, if your wife didn't keep feeding me chocolate sponge every time we have sex, I wouldn't be this size'.

Netwizard

I got bullied a lot at school. The best thing to do (no matter how hard it is at the time!) is to just ignore them.

I look back at what some of the so called "hard" lads at school have achieved since school, and suffice to say, they have done !!!!!! all with their lives. Either in prison, on tag, or on the dole.

Regardless of the crap they put me through at school, I have come out the other side, stronger and much better off than they will ever be, and this gives me more satisfaction than any smart retort that could ever be made :beer:

marisco_2

When dealing with bullies a dignified silence and rising above their pettiness, is more powerful than coming back with a smart retort. By doing this you remain the bigger person and refuse to lower yourself to their level

Katgrit

When I started my current job, which was my first in management there was a bloke in his 60s with a chip on his shoulder, who much much ruled the roost till I came along. He hid paperwork, badmouthed me, gave me wrong info to mislead me and had openly admitted he was doing everything possible to make my job difficult. I never rose to any of it, and told him I wasn't going to play his games. And when he retired, sad and lonely still with a chip on his shoulder, I wrote in big letters in his leaving card "I HOPE YOUR RETIREMENT BRINGS YOU EVERYTHING YOU DESERVE". Even the general manager laughed out loud.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I think my best was when I was sat backstage at Reading Festival once, with my chums and there was a table of journos sat behind us and one was being completely 'oh look at you with your blonde hair, lippy and glasses and you think you are so cool yada yada yada' went on for ages and I just looked over my shades like a school mistress and said to his friends 'Is he your current contraceptive?' and looked away again.

He shut up, his friends were rolling in the aisles, all the tables around were in hysterics and he shuffled off a few minutes later.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

LibbyR26 wrote: »

Hi, what is the best retort you have used when someone was smirking at you/looking down at you?

I passed the group of women today who were the class bullies at school. To be honest I hadn't even noticed them until I became aware of one of them rolling their eyes and smirking. Only then I looked and realised who it was. I just ignored it but would love to have had a smart-mouthed retort at the ready.

With this one I'd have said 'Oh it's you lot - your daughters used to bully me in school. I see where they get it from now'.