Help dealing with very angry younger sibling

pigpen

If he rings the tax office they will give him his NI number over the phone.. we have had to do this with all of my older 4 who were not issued their number they are issued at birth so he does have one. The latest one is 16 at the end of this month and I've had to ring for her too.

As for his behaviour.. I'd ignore it..

The one stable carer he has had is very ill so he is obviously worried about her, frightened about being left alone, confused about his place in the world and a whole host of other emotions.. When we are scared we all hit out at those closest to us.. mainly because we are comfortable wit them and we know they will accept us back when we have calmed down.

Bennifred

Hi dizzydonkeys! I think you sound like a lovely, supportive sister - your brother is extremely lucky to have you in his corner.

I just wanted to tell you that he isn't the only nearly-18 year old to act this way. Regardless of background, many many youngsters are a mess of contradictions. Some think the world owes them a living. Some are really scared about what lies ahead of them in adulthood. Some push the people who love them away - it really is like a toddler tantrum!

The good news is that most of them come out the other side, even if it sometimes takes quite a long time. The important thing is to be steadfast during this upheaval. So respond cheerfully to any "good" overtures on his part (this does not mean giving him any money by the way - he really does need to sort the NI etc out and you giving him money will just prolong his ignoring the issue), refuse to engage when he's foul, carry on with your own life and be patient!
Try not to worry - easier said than done, I know. Sometimes only the passage of time works. Good luck!

dizzydonkeys

just a quick update to thank all those with helpful advise.
I had a chat with him a few days after this and cleared the air.
Sadly we lost Nan on Saturday so things are difficult but he knows I am there for him and we have been talking on the phone every few hours or whatever and he has been most apologetic although now is a very very frightened little boy again.
But thank you all again as without your advise I fear he may not of let me back into his life to enable me to supposrt him through this and would hate to think he would be going through this on his own.

Dunroamin

If he doesn't feel ready and able to get a job, why not suggest that he goes back into education as he's obviously left early? Your uncle would be able to claim child related benefits for him as well.

Person_one

You've all been through such a lot, my thoughts go out to you.

I would definitely try to access some bereavement counselling for your little brother, he may be more open to the idea now that this has happened and it seems more timely and less like there's something 'wrong' with him.

As well as helping him to cope through the loss of your nan, it will probably be a huge help to him in coming to terms with the other. very substantial, losses he's suffered in his short life.

Have a look here to start with, or perhaps speak to the hospital if they have a 'bereavement centre' or similar.

http://www.cruse.org.uk/bereavement-services/children