Partner with head in sand....what do I do?

pinkshoes

Maybe the mistake was with the house - I had a large sum of money given to me by family which I used as the deposit. This created an instant inequality and we did discuss if we should be better off buying something that was meant we were completely equal (ie not using any deposit)

Siblings bicker and make sure things are split equally, couples share things. His attitude towards this whole thing is worrying, and could easily cause a relationship break down. I'd make sure you have a legal contract for the debt you've already taken on of his, just incase he leaves and you end up stuck with it! (sorry, i know that sounds horrible, but there are tell tale signs and you have to be prepared).

I just think your OH has a very immature attitude towards the financial side of your relationship, and treats you more like a mother than a partner!! If you had a baby and had to give up work for a while, then I'm sure he wouldn't mind supporting you, so it has to work both ways too i.e.sometimes you pay for stuff, sometimes he pays for stuff.

RadoJo

I am in a similar situation with my partner in as much as I do all the organising and paperwork and he is hopelessly disorganised! Whenever something comes along that I consider his responsibility I give him an opportunity to sort it out himself. If that doesn't happen I write a list of the courses of action available to him, what would be involved, and how far I am prepared to go towards helping him. That way, the task at hand doesn't seem so daunting - he can see how to help himself - but I make it clear from the start that I am only prepared to do so much.

This is how I compromise between leaving it to him and not getting the house reposessed! I don't want him to avoid an issue because it seems to big to handle, but I don't want him to assume I will do it all for him, and this way I provide him with the information required without spoonfeeding him too much, and he knows that I can help to an extent, but only once he has taken the first step himself!

Errata

Ever heard of these - "Why does this person hate me so much, I never did them any favours!" and "If you keep on doing what you did, you'll keep on getting what you got".

If he's resentful because you put in more that he did, he has no right to be and should be damned grateful.

Are you enabling him to stay in debt and becoming part of the problem, not the solution? This is a trap that many partners etc of people with drink and drug problems fall into, thinking they're helping when in fact they're just helping the person to continue doing what they're doing.

littletinybill

Thanks everyone, :A think I will take the majority advice for the time being until he is willing to be entirely truthful with me I am hanging on to my own (very limited!) cash and see what he does next......I expect I shall be posting again but hopefully with more postive news.

misgrace

I think you have been 'A Star' and a massive support for him and he should be thanking his lucky stars he has got you at his side.
I would hesitate to offer any more finacial support until he starts standing on his feet.

I really hope things work out for you both.