Is it possible to leave a message before you die?

Miss_Bolan

Hi everyone

I have tried to google this and have found nothing but American websites and I am not sure if anyone actually knows the answer!

A tragic and untimely death at the weekend has lead me to think about death, and the finality of the whole thing.

What I want to know is, is there a secure way of leaving a final message to my friends and family now while I am alive and well? The thought of my time ending tomorrow really bothers me as I wouldn't get the chance to tell my family how I feel. I want them to know that it's ok, to get on with living. I don't have much of anything to leave anyone and I haven't made a will (I know I should really!) but I am not sure a will is the place where you leave a 'message' as such, I'm not even sure when the will gets read to everyone!

So does anyone know if this type of thing even exists? The American websites I have found bother me a bit, as who is to know if these places are reliable, or may even close down?

If anyone knows please let me know, I am not being morbid I have just become contemplative given the tragic events of the weekend.

Thanks
Gemma

Lagoon

Why not just set up a video camera, record it, make a DVD and then include it with your will?

sukysue

God thats such a good idea Lagoon am tempted to do that myself thanks.

Lagoon

sukysue wrote: »

God thats such a good idea Lagoon am tempted to do that myself thanks.

No problem.

Just don't forget that, like your will, it might need updating sometimes. That'll mean recording it again, which is a little more time-consuming than a quick will update.

Still, once it's done I think loved ones will get a lot of comfort from your moving image and voice after you're gone. It's a good memory for people to keep.

Miss_Bolan

Lagoon, is that something that a solicitor can store for you? I wasn't sure if a will could include anything other than practical and financial affairs. If it is possible to leave a message either recorded or otherwise then maybe this is something I will look in to! Thanks for your reply.

Lagoon

Miss_Bolan wrote: »

Lagoon, is that something that a solicitor can store for you? I wasn't sure if a will could include anything other than practical and financial affairs. If it is possible to leave a message either recorded or otherwise then maybe this is something I will look in to! Thanks for your reply.

I have only known of two instances of people using this idea, and I've not actually written my own will yet. It's on the cards for later this year.

In one instance, the solicitor did keep it for them. It wasn't 'a part of' the will, as such, but was kept in the same place and handed over during dealings with the family.

In the other case, the DVD was kept in a folder at home. The will explained the location (something simple, like 'in the red folder labelled Biscuits') - obviously not actually that.

Personally I think they could be very valuable to family, for comfort. I don't imagine that I could do one. I don't like my voice, and I'm always shocked by the way I look when I'm talking on camera as I look and sound nothing like I imagine myself to. I'd no doubt end up recording it 100 times, and still not be happy.

arbroath_lass

Tell them now! Don't leave it in a message, it is too late then.

Miss_Bolan

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Tell them now! Don't leave it in a message, it is too late then.

I do tell them, I tell them every day that I love them and what they mean to me. But when 'the end' comes there is now way to say it one last time.

Seeing what those left behind are going through right now after the tragic events of the weekend is hard to see. It doesn't mean they didn't know that they were loved by the person who has gone, it just means they didn't get chance to say it the last time, there was no goodbye.

arbroath_lass

Miss_Bolan wrote: »

I do tell them, I tell them every day that I love them and what they mean to me.

Miss_Bolan wrote: »

But when 'the end' comes there is now way to say it one last time.

Seeing what those left behind are going through right now after the tragic events of the weekend is hard to see. It doesn't mean they didn't know that they were loved by the person who has gone, it just means they didn't get chance to say it the last time, there was no goodbye.

A video or written message isn't really going to make it any easier for them, though. I just find the idea a bit odd. I don't think I'd like it.

Still, it'd be a boring old world if we were all the same. What about just leaving the messages in your home? I assume someone will have to empty it once you are gone. As long as they are easily found (in with your important paperwork?) and clearly addressed the recipients will get them.

kingfisherblue

My mum wanted to leave a message to my older sister, who lives a couple of hundred miles away (I live round the corner). She has included a letter with her Will, and I know where both are stored for when the time comes - even though she is 80 later this year, I pray that she will be with us for a lot longer yet, and she is in reasonable health. When she does die, she wants everyone to wear bright colours at her funeral, as she has always hated dark colours. She has also left details of the music she wants, the hymns, and the charity that she would like donations to go to (one shared family flower only, to sit on top of her coffin). Her funeral is paid for and all of the details were decided years ago.

If Mum has decided to leave any more messages, then I would imagine that they will be kept in the same place, but I'm not aware of any others.

My ex wanted to leave a letter each for me and our three children a few years ago - we were still married at the time, and he was going to have surgery. He gave me the letters and made me promise not to read them if he survived. they were only to be opened on his death. Fortunately he survived.

I agree with those who say to tell them when you are alive, but if you feel you must leave a message for when you have passed away, let someone know where they are. If the messages are to do with your funeral, make sure someone knows about what your wishes are, and where to find writteen details. I remember a friend's dad dying and the family didn't know if he wanted to be buried or cremated. It was a really difficult decision for them.

Talking about death is something many people avoid, but a chat before anything does happen can make things clearer for those left behind.

bossymoo

My will is with the solicitor and I have a copy with my own papers (otherwise how would anyone know which solicitor?). I also keep with it a piece of paper detailing any accounts / investments and my pension details. I also have a letter for each of my children. I will replace these as time goes on.

My reason for this is my husband had an untimely death, and by the time we knew it was terminal, he was too ill to even speak, let alone write. So our children (both under 3 at the time and won't really remember him) only have me to tell them he loved them. As their one surviving parent I'm acutely aware of this (and probably overcompensate) hence the letters with as much personal anecdotes as I can remember and a reminder of their wonderful characters should they ever doubt themselves.

Whether I will continue these letters when they are adults (and I've already imparted these stories) is yet to be decided.