Separation in later life

maman

This 'silver separation' is becoming increasingly common.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/divorce/9705967/Silver-separation-the-surge-in-older-divorce.html

I don't think t was intended that way but the OP is incredibly patronising to older people. If it's OK for a young couple to walk away from a relationship that isn't working why shouldn't it be the same for their elders? It's often easier then as there are no small children to consider, mortgages are paid and no need to worry about moving away and finding a new job etc. Also, it's often worse living in a loveless relationship when you're older because you can be thrown together a great deal more than when you have a career and a young family. It wouldn't matter how many outside interests I have, the idea of coming home to a miserable atmosphere and not enjoying each others company would be enough to make me a silver separator.

Goldiegirl

Just because some one may be of mature years, it shouldn't mean they have to compromise and make do in their personal relationships.

Life is indeed short, so why waste it being unhappy, when you have the power to change it.

indigobones

This is the most rediculous post I have read in a long time and I can only believe is written by someone who is young and has beliefs of older people that has no basis in reality!

Rubbish!

to the OP I hope you can open your eyes to the wide variety of people of all ages!

Thank you, I am well aware of the infinite variety of human life

I'm in my 60s. Yes, I've done the world trip. No, sex does not stop at 60.

For me separation conjours up negative images - isolation, poverty and loneliness. But I'm sure that for many it's a joyful and liberating experience

lostinrates

I would say for my parents it has indeed brought to the fore the feelings, if not in actuality always, the isolation and also their mortality seems to be felt more keenly. Financial planning is obviously shot, especially for the one whose choice it was not. And yes, I think both are lonely.

I just don't know what the answe would have been for them though. I wouldn't have wanted them to stay together unhappy, I don't want them apart and unhappy.

I always say I would far, FAR rather be alone than in a wrong relationship, and I have seen a few very happy very late in life marriages (DH had a step grandmother in his gf's much later life and we have also been to the wedding of a clue where there were in their 80s) but .....I think just like emigrating sometimes isn't the answer to running away from your problems, maybe neither is leaving a relationship. I really don't know in general, but in the specific case that inspired op I wish this mornig. what ever they had done they would have done it far, far away from me.

DianneB

indigobones wrote: »

Rubbish!

Thank you, I am well aware of the infinite variety of human life

I'm in my 60s. Yes, I've done the world trip. No, sex does not stop at 60.

For me separation conjours up negative images - isolation, poverty and loneliness. But I'm sure that for many it's a joyful and liberating experience

Although I am happily married in my late 50"s if we split up we would still have our family and be involved with them, still have our friends and do the activities we do now, I'm sure those things wouldn't vanish because we were no longer married!!

Errata

indigobones wrote: »

Rubbish!



For me separation conjours up negative images - isolation, poverty and loneliness.

Do you include separaton by death in that line of thought?

seven-day-weekend

I think many people work on their relationship with their children to the exclusion of their wife or husband. Then when the children have gone, they find they have no relationship with the person they once loved enough to have the children with.

My relationship with my husband has always been the most important one. My son's needs may have been more immediate when he was young, but not more important. And now he is grown with a partner of his own, who I hope HE puts first in his life before others.

'When they are young give them roots, when they are grown give them wings'. But don't neglect your partner whilst giving them the roots. Then when they fly the nest you can get on with your life with the most important person in it.

Of course, if the marriage really can't be salvaged, and you can't be friends, then you are better off out of it.

pennypenny123

i am nearly 60 and going through a difficult time, and I can see my marriage heading in this direction. It is not what I want and all those things you talk about scares the life out of me.
I feel like suddenly my life is out of control and everything I had foreseen in my later years are now shattered.
If i have a choice of staying together and remaining friends I would give it a shot. But i could not stay together being unhappy and miserable.