What do you all do to get out of a rut...

victory

My friends OH,( they are both in their 50's, both working, perfectly healthy, have a lovely house, average standard of living, have a car, grown up kids,married for 27 years, great fun to be around, she is a great person)

said to her he feels stuck in a rut, same ol' same ol', plodding along, bored, home, dinner, TV,bed the same the next day deja vu, bored so obviously I said holiday, cinema, a course etc etc but she said she had said that and he just sighs and says he's not sure what to do..


So you lovely peeps, has this ever happened to you, what did you do , how did you get out of the plod, plod, rut of life, what changed it for you?

Pee

Does he seem depressed about anything else?

Could they try a date night and take it in turn to choose things to do?

How long ago did the children leave home? Are they still adjusting to changing roles?

victory

Pee wrote: »

Does he seem depressed about anything else?

Could they try a date night and take it in turn to choose things to do?

How long ago did the children leave home? Are they still adjusting to changing roles?

As far as I know she says he's fine, not depressed just fed up with the same old days turning to weeks, work, home , he did say he wanted a change but not what.

Kids have fianc!es n a little one, been a long while now, they live close, they see each other.

balletshoes

Get a pet?

purple.sarah

balletshoes wrote: »

Get a pet?

Sorry but if they're going through relationship issues it's not the right time to add extra responsibility. Pets are a lifelong commitment but often end up looking for a new home after a relationship breaks down.

balletshoes

purple.sarah wrote: »

Sorry but if they're going through relationship issues it's not the right time to add extra responsibility. Pets are a lifelong commitment but often end up looking for a new home after a relationship breaks down.

I didnt see relationship issues just monotony? which is why i suggested a pet for the guy who felt stuck in a rut?

purple.sarah

It sounds like he's putting all the pressure on her, she's come up with some good ideas, it's his turn. DH and I are thinking of joining Spice UK http://www.spiceuk.com/home a social, adventure and activity group. That could be a good way for them to try some new activities together but your friend's OH needs to participate and come up with solutions not just problems.

purple.sarah

balletshoes wrote: »

I didnt see relationship issues just monotony? which is why i suggested a pet for the guy who felt stuck in a rut?

Well it sounds like he's a bit bored with their life and rejecting all her suggestions so it might not be the best time to add the pressure of more commitment and responsibility. A pet is more like a new baby than a hobby. I'm not saying they are not fun but there is also a lot of responsibility and monotony, walking, feeding, training, cleaning up lots of poop... He already feels bored with his daily life and a pet would add a lot more daily chores. It's not really fair on the pet if he gets bored of that too...

peachyprice

Sounds like a very typical male midlife crisis coming on, for the love of god tell her to keep him away from motorbike and fast car shops.

Seriously, tell her/him/them to do some research in male menopause and perhaps make an appointment at the GP.

aliasojo

Sometimes if you're in a rut, it's really hard to feel motivation or to help yourself.

I think it helps if someone else 'makes' you do things in order to kick start you again iyswim.

Could his wife be spontaneous and act unexpectedly for a bit just to get him out initially? It's the 'same old same old' that appears to be causing the problem.

Maybe she could just take charge for a bit and surprise him with unexpected things, depending on their budget of course.

I know my OH would be shocked (and pleasantly surprised) if I threw his coat at him and told him we were off out and we ended up having dinner and staying in a B&B or travelodge or similar.

Point is, it's the unexpectedness and the fact someone else has made the decisions and all he has to do is enjoy it.

He needs his enjoyment of life back, he's not going to get it by asking him what he wants or trying to get him to decide whether to go to the cinema or not.

Dunroamin

peachyprice wrote: »

Sounds like a very typical male midlife crisis coming on, for the love of god tell her to keep him away from motorbike and fast car shops.

And, more importantly, fast women!