Impartial Advice :-)

confused1986_2

Dear All,

Firstly thanks for taking the time to visit my post, hopefully you will be able to make it to the end without getting bored and maybe offer some practical advice on my situation.

I have been in an on off relationship with a young woman with 2 young children for the last 8 months, I also have a son of my own not that that effects the situation.

The reason that the relationship has been on off is due to lying on her part about carrying our child and cheating on my part which isn't something that I am proud of but we will get onto that later maybe.

We broke up at the end of May beginning of June as everything came to a head and in my opinion neither of us was happy in the relationship. Which is fine and we didn't talk for a while and then when we started to again she said that she definitely didn't want to be with be after everything and it was best that we was nothing more than friends.

Just recently I have been chatting to another woman using whatsapp as its easier then using texts etc, only to find that the ex was keeping a tab on when I was online and later sent me messages wanting to cause an argument about how often I am on it etc I never used to talk to her that much, bring up stuff from the past and the main issue saying that she didn't want to be here and was drinking lots of alcohol whilst on medication. I don't no if she is telling the truth or looking for attention or what?

She has got a history of depression and such, and I still care about her and certainly don't want to see her children be left without a mother. The arguments and hints that she has tried to take her own life have been going for a week or so now and she has said that she will come to my home if she knows that anyone else is there (she lives two doors down)

I am a little lost as to what to do about the whole situation.

Sorry it is all a little vague, I am at work so typing this quickly as I don't no what to do anymore and was hoping as the title says for some impartial advice.

Gigglepig

It sounds like both of you have too many issues for a long term serious relationship. If you are concerned about the welfare of her kids, call social services?

ETA if she seems mentally unstable i would primarily be worried about her kids, hence suggesting social services so they could come and keep an eye

Erinnire

I agree with Gigglepig. If you are worried about her potentially harming herself or the children (indirectly by harming herself perhaps) then you need to speak to someone. If it is all talk and no trousers in your opinion I would just block her from your whatsapp. She will remain able to see your status but unable to send you messages.

LittleBoots

Theres an option on whatsapp to not show whether youre online or not

Pollycat

Sounds like a classic case of "I don't want you but I don't want anybody else to have you".

Agree with the first 2 replies about the children's welfare - only you can know if she's seriously considering doing herself harm or if she's just playing you.

Rottensocks

I suppose you could always just ask her:

"I need to know if you are serious about having suicidal feelings.
I am not in a position to help you myself, but obviosuly I don't want you or your children to be at any risk, so if you are seriously telling me there is a risk, I will contact social services on your behalf, so you and the kids can get some support".

If she's yanking your chain, I expect she'll shut up quite quick at the thought of a crisis team popping round to whisk her kids into foster care.

meritaten

confused1986 wrote: »

Dear All,

Firstly thanks for taking the time to visit my post, hopefully you will be able to make it to the end without getting bored and maybe offer some practical advice on my situation.

I have been in an on off relationship with a young woman with 2 young children for the last 8 months, I also have a son of my own not that that effects the situation.

The reason that the relationship has been on off is due to lying on her part about carrying our child and cheating on my part which isn't something that I am proud of but we will get onto that later maybe.

We broke up at the end of May beginning of June as everything came to a head and in my opinion neither of us was happy in the relationship. Which is fine and we didn't talk for a while and then when we started to again she said that she definitely didn't want to be with be after everything and it was best that we was nothing more than friends.

Just recently I have been chatting to another woman using whatsapp as its easier then using texts etc, only to find that the ex was keeping a tab on when I was online and later sent me messages wanting to cause an argument about how often I am on it etc I never used to talk to her that much, bring up stuff from the past and the main issue saying that she didn't want to be here and was drinking lots of alcohol whilst on medication. I don't no if she is telling the truth or looking for attention or what?

She has got a history of depression and such, and I still care about her and certainly don't want to see her children be left without a mother. The arguments and hints that she has tried to take her own life have been going for a week or so now and she has said that she will come to my home if she knows that anyone else is there (she lives two doors down)

I am a little lost as to what to do about the whole situation.

Sorry it is all a little vague, I am at work so typing this quickly as I don't no what to do anymore and was hoping as the title says for some impartial advice.

This isn't on - if the relationship is really over then what she is doing is harassment. its also threatening. I would actually advise you visit your local police station - I think its within their remit. as this situation could escalate as she sounds rather unstable.

marisco_2

This woman is responsible for the welfare and wellbeing of two little children. I question how able she is currently to focus on them and meet their needs, whilst being in such an obviously fragile state of mind. She is clearly unstable and not thinking straight to be hinting at being suicidal, advising you that she is drinking a lot of alcohol whilst taking medication, monitoring your moves and threatening to harass you. I think you would be wise to contact social services, raise your concerns with them and let them deal with it from here. Her problems are far bigger than you can solve, and she appears to be in need of help and support, from people trained to deal with those in her position.

meritaten

I agree Marisco - but, I think the police should be involved because what this woman is doing is harassment - they do need to know about it in case it escalates - plus they can involve Social Services and would be taken more seriously than an 'ex -partner'.

neverdespairgirl

OP, you could use this situation as a way of stepping back and looking at your life.

Were you born in 1986? So you are 26, 27 year old?

You already have a son, and aren't with his mother, then you have a 8 month relationship which involves you cheating and a possible extra pregnancy?

Sounds like a story line from EastEnders - and I don't think that's a very positive thing.

[Deleted User]

Agree with others on here.., this is not a relationship that can be pursued in any shape or form.

Sometimes people still have a connection after a negative relationship because of a need within both of them - but it isn't real and it isn't healthy.

Only you know if she has a risk of actually attempting to take her own life.., from her past history. If she does, then I'm afraid you do need to refer her on to social services for the sake of the children. If its purely a manipulative manouevre on her part.., then just walk away. You aren't helping her.

And please, try to get some counselling to discover why you were vulnerable enough to get involved and stay involved in some capacity with this situation yourself. No judgement involved here at all.., been there done it.