Downsizing to be MF

Grimbal

It's been a while since I posted on MSE

Since then, my life's had a bit of a change. I've realised that my stressful job will never change & that if it won't, then I need to.


When I last posted, we were in the middle of a huge extension & renovation project. The house, what we thought was to be our perfect forever home, has been finished just over a year now. It was a real struggle to get this house of our dreams - had a difficult house to sell, move to a temporary rental, then living through one of the coldest winters we've had here whilst only having 3 walls to the building.


Roll on a year or so, passing the big four-oh a couple of years back in the process, and I've realised that my job will never change & I'll be stuck in the same old grinding routine as I have always been. I was lucky enough to have a fantastic year in 2012 in as much as my line managers were on maternity leave so I got to do all the sort of things my grade never normally does. It was great, I felt empowered & constructive. Line managers returned, and I'm being pushed back into my old routine - my company are very hierarchical - if you don't have a PhD, you've not got a brain.


So, cue mid-life crisis & handing in my resignation last week. I think I've been crying since. I've been supported throughout by my wonderful husband, but I can't help thinking I'm letting him down


We're lucky enough to be in a position that we can drastically reduce the mortgage debt by downsizing and moving to the coast (mid to coastal sussex), but we'll still have a small mortgage & I still want to contribute


So, I'm going to start off a diary here (if no one minds?) to come up with ideas on what I can do to help shift the last of the mortgage debt & show that, whilst I may have walked away from my career, I can find my own path




Any suggestions, tips, ideas, comments - feel free to post !

MallyGirl

WOW
Nothing constructive to offer at the moment apart from saying that both times I have left my job it has led to better things in the end. Good luck

Grimbal

MallyGirl wrote: »

WOW
both times I have left my job it has led to better things in the end. Good luck

At the moment that's exactly what I need to hear ! I'm feeling very lost & alone & a general failure, so knowing that others have been where I am & have come out the other side to better things gives me hope

lvm

I soooo wish I was as brave as you!

I'm in a dead end job with no prospects but unfortunately need the salary for future ambitions I have.

You're in a great position to be able to do this and I'm sure you'll not regret it!

Good luck for the uncertain months ahead!

newgirly

Hi grimbal your name seems familiar, I may have read some of your last diary

You have been so brave, and it must seem like a shock at the moment,but it sounds like it is the best thing for you. There is no point in having the dream home if you are miserable stuck In a job you hate to pay for it.

Best of luck with the new diary, I will try and keep am eye out for it

pixiedust09

Well done you, I've been there and I know how scary it can be, but things will get better, I changed my job, now working with children, a lot poorer but nowhere near as stressed. Good luck with your new diary.:)

LisaLou1982

Well done and chin up Grimble!!

You can do it!! Change is always hard but inevitably it always ends up with something better happening from it

Im unable to go back to my old job through an injury i sustained in 2011 and got made redundant last year. Im looking at starting work again now which is hard as the pay cut is looking awful, and it will be a whole new career but maybe this was just the way things were meant to be?!

A whole new chapter and its all yours to write!

Grimbal

wow, thanks everyone ! It's so lovely to have so much support

My mother in law came around on Sunday & I thought that she was going to be worried/concerned/angry with me for effectively becoming a dependent of her son. She was instead, much to my surprise (& this is a reflection on me not her as she has always been a wonderfully supportive person) very much in favour of me taking a step back from a job that was grinding me down & getting some "head space" to work out what it wa I actually want to do with my life.


I had a chat with the head of my Unit (nearest comparison would be a director) yesterday & he was shocked. I've always been a good worker, very competent and efficient, so he assumed that I was pottering along very happily. We had a good discussion (with me only getting a little teary!) about how I didn't see myself being happy if I was doing what I was doing in 20 years' time, and that given there was no role for me to "side-step" to, I could see no future for me where I am.


He said very complimentary things about my work & ability, and agreed that he also could see no role for me to work towards within our particular business unit. He did suggest looking at/ chatting to another business unit, but if I'm being honest, I don't think that it's a goer.


In a way, I've mentally committed to leaving & downshifting the house & my life. My health isn't the greatest & I suspect that a pension plan will be the least of my worries, so I've decided that I have to start to enjoy the present rather than plan so much for the future. This mid life crisis that I appear to be going through has really opened my eyes to the view that life is a journey to be enjoyed, not just steps to be taken to secure a comfortable last few years.


All that being said, it's not that we'll be destitute if I even make it as far as needing help in my twilight years. I'm more than aware that we're in a very fortunate situation. I'm 41, hubby is 39 & we'll have paid off a fairly comfortable if run-of-the-mill house (or the majority of it) when we move. We don't have dependents (apart from 3 continually ravenous cats), so it'll only be us two to make a secure future for.


I'm actually feeling more positive about this than I have been over the last few days. I'll leave you with a very well known quote by Abraham Lincoln:


"Live a good life. In the end it is not the years in a life, but the life in the years.”

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Hi Grimbal, I don't read failure in your words. I see a very strong person who is taking control of their life.

Yep, it comes with risks, but you are the opposite of a failure

You will have time to explore and create a new chapter, or possibly a new book

Best wishes Tilly x

black_taxi_2

down sizing your house to even a nice flat,does mean you can go to nice restaurant,cafe,short break,and whack central heating full on during the winter.

Grimbal

yup, I think that I'm finally starting to "get" the whole quality of life vs quality of possessions thing.

I fell over this morning coming down the stairs & twisted my ankle & am convinced the house knows we're selling up & is out to get me As I'm not able to get into work, I've been constructive (in a sedentary way!) & called up & booked in 3 estate agents to come & value the house this Saturday.

First step on the road to downsizing the house, my stresses & my mortgage !