I just need to vent really.

RazWaz

I'm not really looking for answers or solutions, I guess I just need a place to write this down to help myself make sense of it all.

I've had depression since I was 4 years old. At 18 my gallbladder started acting up, leaving me in constant pain for 4 years before I had the operation to remove it. 8 months later things are finally getting better, my pain is under control at last, my physio was working and I could walk further and for longer, all my money worries went away with a £3k windfall and a 50% pay rise, basically everything was perfect.

And then I broke. My depression got worse and worse, and I just stopped being me. A few months of intensive treatment from the crisis team pulled me through and I'm now on the other-side. The culprit was a dodgy thyroid (hypo) which is now being treated and everything is dandy again.

But I feel so lost. It's been so long since I've had any kind of normal life (since I was 18 and I'm 23 now), that I don't know how to do it. I have no friends although have an amazing boyfriend though, (been together almost 5 years) - I don't know what I would do without it.

My crisis team worker suggested that I get a pet, as she has seen it help people through really hard times, so I did, I got two kittens and they live at my mothers house (I live in a flat next door, I've lived here 4 years, she has lived here for 3 months).

I had them living there as I was worried that on my bad days I wouldn't be able to get up and feed them/clean up after them, but the last few weeks I've been going to my mothers house every day while she is at work and doing all my old hobbies again while playing with my baby kittens (so in love with them).

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Well that's the backstory, here is the problem. I have a huge 2 bedroom flat, I have lived here for 4 years and I love the building, but years of pain and depression have taken their toll. It's dark, messy, cluttered and full of stuff. The place is HUGE. Living room is 22foot by 16foot, and 2 bedrooms that are 14x9.

When I moved in my parents were getting divorced, so my mother moved into my old bedroom, and all my childhood toys are in boxes in the back bedroom that reach the ceiling.

I want a nice clean tidy house so that I can move on with life and have my wonderfully kitties move in with me but the task is so overwhelming I don't know where to start. Every time I try to just get stuck in I spend an hour sorting through things until the pain gets too much (I'm still taking oxycodone for the pain - Fibro + dodgy thyroid + spine injury). I stop, and what I've done hasn't even made the tinniest visible dent and I just lose my motivation all over again.

I think I'm going to have to hire a cleaner to keep on top of things once the house is ready as I'm just not able to keep up with the work, but I need to get the house sorted and liveable before that can happen. I'm only there to sleep and shower/change now as it's just not nice sitting surrounded by piles of crap.

I just don't know what to do, or where to start. I know where I want to be, but I just can't see a way to get there and I feel so lost. I guess I just needed a vent but if you think you can help me feel free to post.

Kalama

First off, it's great that your health is looking up.

I might be able to offer some advice on the clearing. I've moved continents several times in the last few years, so am used to weeding through my life. However, we're about to move back to the UK after 7 years abroad, and I am currently at the stage of feeling overwhelmed at how much there is to do.

My tips for sorting would be:

• Set small goals. Trying to clear an entire room is never a good idea, as it is seemingly endless and I find sorting always makes more mess before it gets better. Stick to small areas - one cupboard/drawer, or a small area of floorspace.
• Be ruthless. If you haven't used it for several months (or don't remember what it is/where it came from) then you probably don't need it anymore. If you have a sentimental attachment to something, work out if it is the item itself or the memory - you can't throw memories away and they don't make a mess.
• Reward yourself. It only has to be little things, but for me the thought on Saturday that once I cleared the Nightmare Cupboard of All Things Cable-y I could sit down with a glass of wine and a film really spurred me on.
• Try to make it more fun. Stick a daft feel-good film on, or make sure you have company who can laugh with you at some of the stuff you have accumulated (a 15 year old bottle of manky hand cream for example - yes, that was me).

I find that it is really important to clear as I sort - piles of stuff waiting to be thrown out just makes me want to sort less. I do variations on the following to make sure that stuff gets cleared quickly:

• Each time you leave the house, take something to the bin.
• Find out if your local supermarket has a charity collection bin - each time you go, take a binbag full with you.
• Work out if anything you have can be listed on your local freecycle (or equivalent) site. You'd be amazed what people will come and take off your hands.
• See if any of your local charities do doorstep collections.

Good luck - it won't happen over night (I'm expecting our sort to take weeks), but everytime you get rid of something remember you're on the way.

neverdespairgirl

I think it's impossible to try to clear out a whole place at once - if you say to yourself, "I'm going to tidy up", you then feel overwhelmed by the tasks ahead of you.

Can you try to split it up? Don't say to yourself, "do some tidying", but say, "sort out that shelf" or "sort through that pile of clothes". When you've finished, leave it at that - accomplishments are often better dealt with in stages.

pigpen

Over on the old style board there are a few threads for emptying your home of clutter.. many of the ladies and gents have health challenges, depression and long term problems..

It isn't about running in and doing it all at once.. you didn't collect the clutter in a day you won't sort it in a day!

Celebrate the small successes.. an empty box, a carrier bag of rubbish out .. they are all steps in the right direction and now you have incentive of 2 crazy kittens to spur you on.

I find getting 1 box.. just one, not necessarily even a large box and sorting that out is more than I can handle in a day so over a week or a few days I will gradually sift through it.. it isn't quick, it doesn't give instant results but it is heading in the right direction.

You may find your mood lifts a little as you feel less overwhelmed at home too.

It sounds like you have had a few very turbulent years it is understandable that will take its toll.. be kind to yourself xx

mcja

My house is a regular size with a family in it. We have a LOT of junk, so over the past couple of weeks I have tried to fill a plastic garden tub (the squishy one with handles) at least every other day. It has made a difference but slowly.

Good luck, its so overwhelming.

Erinnire

I can relate a lot to this OP. I suffer with Mental Health Issues and my house is full to the brim of clutter. Every now and again I get a small burst of "Right, I can't go on like this something has got to change" and I quickly shove as much carp into bags as I can and get it out of the house sometime that feeling will last an hour or two or sometimes a matter of minutes.

I am VERY slowly starting to declutter and my biggest challenge so far has been stopping spending on carp that just clutters up the house.

I am one to beat myself up when it looks like nothing has changed, a few days ago I moved stuff from on top of the microwave onto the cooker to clear the microwave but then I have new paperwork some through the post so I now have a new pile on top of the microwave and the pile on the cooker *sigh*

It stresses me out every time I go in the Kitchen. Oh and you should see my kitchen table... It is a 6 seater and there is just a small space at the end for my kids to sit and eat but the rest is covered in junk and so much paperwork I don't know what to do with!

I am hoping to get cleared out over the summer ready for September now my college course has finished, so if you want to chat to someone in the same boat maybe we could give each other some moral support?

It's useless me saying I think as I won't listen to my own advice either, but try to know your limits and not take on too much in one go. And also it may not look like you've achieved but you more than likely have achieved something whether it's a few bits of rubbish in the bin or bin bags full to the dump. It all counts towards a greater goal.

tesuhoha

We have had the same problem about junk in our house. Its so much easier to get rid of if you can hire a skip. I find most of the problems with getting rid of rubbish is that there is nowhere to put it unless you take a trip but how much you can put in a car is limited. With the skip I only have to go outside the front door and toss the rubbish into it.

double_mummy

personally i am a listy person so what i tend to do is plan it

day 1
designate rooms A,B,C so living room is A etc
go to room A and put everything that needs clearing into boxes

day 2
number all the boxes in room A 1-however many
go to room B and box up everything

day 3
number boxes in room B
box up stuff in room C

day 4
number boxes in room C
box up stuff room D (you said its a 2 bed so this should cover kitchen both bedrooms and living room)

day 5
number boxes in room D
sort boxes 1 - 2 in room A sort into bin, charity and a keep pot for each room

day 6
sort boxes 3 - 4 in room A

and continue on like this is if you feel you can do more boxes in a day like a weekend then plan to do some extras

when the tubs for each room are full move them into that room then when all the boxes have been sorted and the tubs in the rooms they are supposed to be in then tackle 1 tub per room per day again more if you can handle it

try buying a diary and writing out what you will do each day

when you have finished that day write underneath WELL DONE YOU HAVE DONE IT!

it helps if you have a certain time everyday you can use set an alarm when the alarm goes off you start

other little things might work if your not a listy person set a timer for 5 minutes and do as much as you can within those 5 minutes then break for 15 minutes and then do another 5 minutes you will then get 15 minutes of hardcore sorting per hour rather than a slow lingering hour of cleaning where you will probs get the same amount done

maybe you could bf over and 'race' him for those 5 minutes make it a bit more fun

if there is lots of paperwork in there get yourself a foldy paperwork thing and the second you see it put it straight in so all water bills together all rent bills together etc

save things you enjoy for treats so a tv programme you like wait until you have done the days tasks and have it as a reward then for every week you complete it every day have a bigger reward - a day off - something special with bf - a movie night - extra time with your kittens

remind yourself that it wont all be done amazingly fast but that as that old greek guy said (cant remember which one lol) little by little does the trick

good luck xxxxxxx

HeadAboveWater

Hi

Not anything to add to what has already been said, but another wee suggestion...

Kalama wrote: »

[*]Be ruthless. If you haven't used it for several months (or don't remember what it is/where it came from) then you probably don't need it anymore. If you have a sentimental attachment to something, work out if it is the item itself or the memory - you can't throw memories away and they don't make a mess.

Agree 100% with what kalama says, but if you are finding you are struggling with the sentimental stuff, maybe you could take a photograph of the item and keep that, rather than keeping the item itself. Takes up less room!!

Good luck and stay positive

Dunroamin

Couldn't your amazing boyfriend or your mother sort out one room for you and then you can work from there? I'm a great believer in the "oasis of sanity" philosophy when it comes to clearing and moving.

RazWaz

Dunroamin wrote: »

Couldn't your amazing boyfriend or your mother sort out one room for you and then you can work from there? I'm a great believer in the "oasis of sanity" philosophy when it comes to clearing and moving.

They are both busy at the moment, but have some spare time in around 3 weeks and the 3 of us are going to try and get the living room done together. I'm just trying to mentally gear myself up for it, and then hopefully I can carry on the other rooms and bring my kittens home.

My mother has just left this morning for a week long holiday after working 10 hour days as well as doing essays for her PHD.

My boyfriend is a director of two companies and is working upto 18 hours a day, the only time he has off is Friday nights as that is our date night, but he found a couple of free days in his dairy and blocked them off for me.