Pondering mid-life

CurlyTop

Mmm, a thought provoking post and one that's been on my mind a little this year as I approach my 50th in October. Having lost my lovely mum when she was 39, I'm well aware that I've outlived her. The 39th year of my life was particularly hard until I reached 40, as this was the one birthday she hadn't wanted to reach (she passed away 3 days after her 39th birthday).

Yes, I know I'm older but I'm also wiser. I may not have children, but I have nieces and nephews. I don't feel any less blessed for not having had children of my own. I've been able to join in all their successes along the way and would like to think I've provided a place for shelter, shoulder to cry on and warm arms for hugs.

In the last few years, I've not been in the best of health, but hey, this is the hand I've been dealt and you just have to rock and roll with it otherwise the aches and pains will grind me down and I'm not giving in to that. Although I will admit to shedding the odd tear to myself when I'm having a bad day and can't walk properly. I bring myself back to reality in that I can still walk, albeit some days hobble. There are worse folk off than yourself, springs to mind here.

As for the hamster wheel, yeah, I'm on it but I've dropped down to 4 days per week and am looking to maybe dropping another day in a couple of years time. I'm on the wheel but what goes around comes around and there was a time when I played, then I worked and when that stops, I'll play again. In my time.

Yeah, you can feel as though your confidence slips as you get older, as the young seems to be the 'target audience'. Would I wanna go back there? No. I'm more than happy with my life. Its a simple one where the bills are all paid each month with enough left over to save a bit and for some treats. I don't feel I'm missing out on anything. I feel I have the knowledge of life to keep me on the right track, to know when to trust my gut instinct and not rush in. If there's a day where I do feel as though my confidence has slipped, there's nothing that a bit of make-up and hair dye won't cure.

There's things I would like to do in my life. Some I will not be able to do due to ill health, but those I do choose to do, I do when I can. Whether it be time spent with hubby bubby, cinema, theatre, nice meal, time with nieces and nephews, reading, listening to music and slopping around in my nightie all day .... just because I can.

Embrace the life you have. My brother's mantra is 'one life, live it' and he's right. This ain't no dress rehearsal but whilst you are spending time thinking, maybe try dipping your toe into doing something small and see how you go from there.

Best of luck. xxx

Goldiegirl

I'm 53 now, and I've never been too worried by the ageing process.

When I look at myself in the mirror, I can see signs that I'm not so young anymore. I normally have my hair coloured, but I'm not having it done again until just before I go on holiday, so the colour has grown out a bit, and I was interested to see some grey hairs that weren't there before.

I don't have children, by choice, and I did wonder if I would regret it, at a point when it was too late. I have reached that point, I have a period about every three months, and I wish they'd just stop so I could get it over with! And I have found that I don't regret the decision not to have children. I find that I'm more absent minded at this menopausal stage of my life, but I fortunately haven't had hot flushes and other unpleasant symptoms.

The hardest thing I have had to face is that I haven't got 'forever' left. Unless I live to be very old, I have lived more of my life than I have left to live.

I have worked since I was 16, but I had a big change 3 years ago when I was made redundant after 28 years in the same job. I got a good redundancy settlement, and was just old enough to take a pension as part of my settlement.

This has meant that I now only work part time, and I love the free time to pursue my interests.

My husband is nine years older than me, and will retire in about 3 years. At that time, I will stop work too. Neither of us work on Wednesday, and when we go out for the day, all we ever see are older people out and about enjoying themselves!

So that's what I see myself doing in a few years time. If you are lucky, you have 15 to 20 years of active retirement. Before you slow up, so I want to enjoy as much of my active retirement as possible.

I feel quite excited about the next stage of my life when i won't be ruled by the days I go to work and feel like I'm waiting for new adventures to begin.

meritaten

I was 59 at the beginning of June - so at the end of mid-life possibly!
I can't totally relate as I have children and grandchildren - so MY circumstances are a bit different.
I can tell you though that at each stage of life you go through a period of self-exploration, and soul searching. think back - didn't you go through the self same feelings at certain 'stages' in your life? in midlife it comes to a head though...........you realise that you don't have eternity! that some things will never come to pass unless you are extremely lucky. that its down to YOU whether you are happy or not. and that some things you took for granted as being important - really aren't!
instead of being unsettled by it - embrace it! use this time to sort out your priorities and know you are doing this from the advantage of 'maturity'.

Tiglath

Thanks everyone - lots of food for thought. I'm happy being childfree, and have two young adult stepchildren who are great; in fact my stepdaughter is moving in with us this week. I supposed it was all triggered these past couple of years by both bio-parents dying by 70 and my older adoptive mum becoming rather frail. I realised that over the past decade all but one of my local friends have moved away, so my social life is pretty much zilch, although I've also realised that being with people exhausts me and I need more alone time anyway. I just have to figure out how to best use my free time enjoyably, and how to negotiate my way through the menopause when it finally arrives.

Work is complicated in that I'm being pushed for promotion next spring, so actually this year is involving a lot of extra work and study at a time when I'm naturally wanting to focus on other things. I'm not really able to commit to external hobbies this year because my working hours are so long and fluid. Not going for the promotion isn't an option because that would then put me into the 'slowing down' bracket in an industry where you're expected to be go-getting. Vanity isn't an issue but I've had several years of health-problems and operations which have made me realise I only have so much energy each day. DH and I have just put together a 5 year plan to completely revamp the house, which is important to us, and I just had my first holiday in 7 years. Oh well - I'll figure it out I like the idea of setting goals and having an actual plan.