Pondering mid-life

Tiglath

This is a general existential discussion. I've been thinking a lot recently about being in the middle of my life (46, married, no kids) and what that means. I know I don't want to do at least some of the things I did when I was younger, but as yet I have a fairly blank slate as to what a contented mid-life looks like and how to approach it. I'm not depressed, more unsatisfied with the work-home-work hamster-wheel and getting frustrated by the aches and pains that age is bringing. I'm feeling that society is so geared towards the young that I'm not sure where I fit in now. For people here, how did or does it look to you in terms of your own life? What changed, deliberately or unconsciously? Have you read anything interesting or thought-provoking on the subject? Where do you see your life heading as you get older?

January20

I can't answer your questions. I can only relate to your feeling. I turned 50 at the beginning of this year and being female, I felt it hit me hard. I am not young any more! I hate that. Yet, my mind is still young, and yes I do have some signs of ageing but I feel fit and full of energy still!

Unlike you though, I don't feel unsatisfied with my life. I am single and I live the hamster wheel life of work-home-work, but I pack as much as I can in my weekends, be it hobbies, going out with friends, or even on my own, trying to never turn down an invitation.

My DD and her BF moved out earlier this year and the first few days were dreadful. Every change in my life so far - even my divorce - had been positive steps. This didn't feel like it. And after all, 20 years and I'm 70. Look at how fast the last 20 years went.

And then suddenly my mindset changed: this is a new stage of my life and I'm embracing. I am not alone, I am free. I sleep better for not being disturbed. I am calmed and happier for having more space to myself, a space that is not constantly in a stage of chaos because I don't live with untidy people any more!

Yes, this society is aimed at the young, but you have to disregard that. There are plenty of interesting things for people our age! I can't really explain it but I feel hope for my future. Perhaps, it's because I thought a lot about it and became conscious of what I have as well as decided to make some changes. I hope to be able to enjoy the next 20 years.

fluffnutter

It's an emotive term but for the benefit of this post, a useful one... I'd google 'mid-life crisis' and see what comes up.

SuzieSue

I will be 47 this year and I am very happy that I am not younger. I wouldn't want to be in my 20s again, trying to climb the career ladder in a recession. I have worked hard and saved hard and now have the freedom not to have to work full time if I don't want to and that is priceless.

I am not young enough to be interested in computer games etc, but I am young enough to embrace technology and appreciate it as I started work before computers and email.

I am also married with no children and am very happy that I decided not to have children.

Hermia

I started my mid-life crisis at 30! Mainly because I realised that if I were to die at the same age as my parents 30ish would be mid-life for me. I don't want kids and I also think that made me question things. If you have kids it does sort of provide you with a rough map of how your future will be. If you don't have kids you do kind of have a blank slate which can just be filled with endless home-work-home drifting. I have also become more aware of the attitude towards older women in society. I am still trying to get the courage up to do some hobby/interest-related things even though I know I will probably be sneered at by young'uns.

I have really found goal setting helpful. I read an interesting article about setting goals with different end dates. I found that really useful because I find it hard to think about what I want to achieve in a year, but I can come up with a list of things I definitely want to have done by the time I am 50. So, now I am trying to work back from those long-term goals and work out what I need to do to achieve them.

I also find it really helpful to seek out stories about people who have achieved a lot in later life. For example, I read a blog written by a woman who started her very successful ethical business in her mid-30s and I got some books out of the library about a woman who started travelling for the first time in her 50s. The more you find out about people who have an unconventional life the more ideas you get.

bugslet

[QUOTE=January20;62168429I_can't_really_explain_it_but_I_feel_hope_for_my_future._Perhaps,_it's_because_I_thought_a__lot_about_it_and_became_conscious_of_what_I_have_as_well_as_decided_to_make_some_changes._I_hope_to_be_able_to_enjoy_the_next_20_years.[/QUOTE]

I definitely went through a period of questioning in my mid 40s, I think it's fairly common, but I echo January 20 in that I am feeling hope for my future ( just turned 49). I don't know if it's as common to feel happier in your 50s as it is to feel unsettled in your mid-40s, but anecdotally it seems to be, barring any major health/wealth disasters.

All I can say is use this time in your life to explore different things and instead of thinking I'm getting older ( ergo time is running out), consider that you may live to 90, so you've only just clocked over half of your life, so plenty of time to do other things, learn more, visit new places. Make your bucket list and start crossing off a few of them!

System

I'm happy being my age but I wish my body was younger.

I much prefer my 50s to my 40s I have to say.

marisco_2

I turned 40 a couple of months ago and did quite a bit of reflecting on where I was at in life. I am not where I had envisaged being by this stage at all, but I was surprised by how okay I felt about that. Some very challenging events changed the whole direction of my life seven years ago. At the time it felt awful and the prospect of facing a new future I hadn't anticipated filled me with dread. Looking back though hitting rock bottom was the making of me. Without boring you all with the details, there are experiences I have been through and survived, that have left me feeling that nothing in life can ever be as bad again. Nothing phases me any more or feels out of my reach. I have adopted a whole new approach and when opportunities arise I go after them, with the opinion that if it works out great and if I fail at least I have had the experience and tried it out.

I am fortunate to have reached a stage in my career where I have a good work/home life balance. My current priorities are quality of life and making time to be around for my children. I am blessed to have a loving, supportive family and a good circle of friends. I make time to enjoy my hobbies and interests and to travel. It has taken me a long time to realise what really matters to me and makes me happiest but I think I understand that now. I don't know what the future holds for me. I accept that few things last forever and that in the blink of an eye life can change and you sometimes need to use all your resilience to adjust and go with it. I now find that an exciting prospect rather than something to fear or worry over.

Joons

A mid life crisis can appear at any age. I do agree with you about us living in a youth focused society which is a shame as we're living longer so we should be looking and feeling better, I know I am, nearly 50 and I honestly don't feel any different, especially physically anyway and I'm not a healthy eater and I smoke, I must just be lucky with good genes. I feel the same as you, other than the mundaneness of life, I honestly can't complain. If you don't have a great goal in mind then it probably means overall you're pretty satisified with life, we're not all mad go getters with ambitious ideas, I'll be happy if I can retire on time with a nice quiet house.

ciderwithrosie_2

I wrote a long post then deleted it as I'm too hormonal (peri-menopausal) today to stick to the facts but I do have sympathy!

nearlyrich

I am 52 next week I accept myself more than when I was younger and wanted to be perfect at everything I undertook, I have a great life, good job, lovely DH two successful happy young adults as children. I still worry a little about what the future holds but on the whole life is good.