some advice please

double_mummy

thanks everyone

we are going to check tomorrow whether she actually is or isnt on the tenancy

there are no joint debts some are in his name some in hers

she is not named on the joint account it is the man and his wife not my friend (they separated 11 years ago and never got around to getting divorced and still have a joint account together that he uses)

i will try and convince her to talk to womens aid or the samaritans

Fbaby i know that from her POV her children are the most important thing she has raised them and looked after their every need since the day they were born, i dont know about his motives i havent talked to him about it

can she remove him from the CTC and child benefit and move the account it is paid into without him needing to give his permission?

sulkisu

double_mummy wrote: »

thanks everyone

we are going to check tomorrow whether she actually is or isnt on the tenancy

there are no joint debts some are in his name some in hers

she is not named on the joint account it is the man and his wife not my friend (they separated 11 years ago and never got around to getting divorced and still have a joint account together that he uses)

i will try and convince her to talk to womens aid or the samaritans

Fbaby i know that from her POV her children are the most important thing she has raised them and looked after their every need since the day they were born, i dont know about his motives i havent talked to him about it

can she remove him from the CTC and child benefit and move the account it is paid into without him needing to give his permission?

She really needs to get proper legal advice. She has four children with a married man, and her name is not on anything but his wife's name is. The 'they just didn't get around to getting divorced' line is very feeble. Add to this that she has no job and debts in her name. She might have created much bigger problems for herself than she realises. I say 'she has created...for herself' because I will assume that she went into it with both eyes open.

Has the option of him staying in the house with the children been discussed or considered? He might want that, has she considered the possibility? I'm sure it won't be what she wants but he is the father and might go for custody. Hope it gets sorted either way.

fabforty

It is also possible that she is correct when she says that it isn't abuse - and that basically she has just made some very poor choices and exercised equally poor judgement over the past ten years, in the name of love. Those choices now coming back to bite her on the butt. That doesn't necessarily make it an abusive relationship.

I'm curious how your friend would know exactly what he does when he's visiting his other child - but as he is still married to the mother, that does suggest that she might not think he is a total nightmare.

Also as mentioned by another poster, her partner might decide that he genuinely wants custody of the children (not for the CTC/CB) but because he actually wants the children. She might need to prepare for that possibility. Does he have PR?

Lieja

I would look into what your council do about homelessness - where I am a woman and four children who presented as homeless would be housed sharpish. In the mean time, she could stop with you?

double_mummy

fabforty wrote: »

I'm curious how your friend would know exactly what he does when he's visiting his other child - but as he is still married to the mother, that does suggest that she might not think he is a total nightmare.

Also as mentioned by another poster, her partner might decide that he genuinely wants custody of the children (not for the CTC/CB) but because he actually wants the children. She might need to prepare for that possibility. Does he have PR?

friend knows as the other child is brought to their home for contact generally between one or two nights every now and then

man has PR as is on all the BCs and have all been done since 2003 - there is no disagreement about who the father is - there is no denial of parentage

basically with the divorce from his wife when she wanted to remarry he refused to divorce her when he then wanted to remarry my friend she refused the divorce as revenge for not allowing her to get married then it got forgotten for a couple of years until he proposed last year and started proceedings he is currently waiting on his nisi

yes the option of him staying in the house has been considered but she is not happy with this as she has been the main carer for them since their birth

obviously what we are all hoping for is the best outcome for the children so hopefully keeping consistency with the area they live, their school etc

fabforty

Fair enough. I only asked about PR because it's relevant to the issue of custody - should it come to that.