Not sure what advice to give to a friend and I'm worried about her welfare

Wilma33

Get her to contact a free debt charity or get her on the debt free wannabe board. If she feels in control of the money situation then that will be a great start. And she *must* stop child-minding. A large fine or imprisonment (away from her new baby!) will make the situation much, much worse.

mountainofdebt

Has she considered 'evening jobs' eg bar work, working in a fish & chip shop, newsagents, bingo hall, betting shop?

Also if he's working are they getting all the benefits they're entitled to ?

apesxx

While my children were young I worked the late shift at asda, 5-10pm 3 nights a week and all day Saturday. If he's Guna be home for say half 5 then she could work something like 6- 10 or 11 ish x

esmerelda98

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Has she considered 'evening jobs' eg bar work, working in a fish & chip shop, newsagents, bingo hall, betting shop?

This would have the added advantage of providing her with a bit of a breather from her child and husband, and hopefully a social life.

esmerelda98

apesxx wrote: »

While my children were young I worked the late shift at asda, 5-10pm 3 nights a week and all day Saturday. If he's Guna be home for say half 5 then she could work something like 6- 10 or 11 ish x

It's certainly an idea to consider, but I suspect some men would not be pleased to have to take up childcare in the evenings after work, as well as having less time with their partners, so he may well be resistant to these working hours. He may consider the child-minding hours as 'just perfect'.

FBaby

Treevo wrote: »

OP - you're now in a position where you know that a baby is at risk from an illegal childminder. You must report this to the relevant authorities. If you don't, could you live with yourself if this baby was harmed or killed?

Totally agree with this. There is a long thread about leaving your children with childminder that is heated enough. This sort of confession is quite scary.

When I looked for a childminder for my 5 months old boy, I made sure to stay clear of young mums, just because I didn't trust that they were choosing childminding as a career just to fit around their family need rather than because they loved looking after children and it came to them naturally.

Her looking after this baby is totally selfish. She can't be a good childminder if she is feeling so poorly. I really really feel for the mum of this baby who clearly has no idea of the situation. It is even worse that it is a friend. I assume the mother is a teacher and so will be off in a month's time, but a month time can feel forever for someone with depression.

I understand what you mean about not wanting to come as bullyish, but this is serious enough to warrant a straight on approach. The problem with depression is that it clouds your judgement. Even if she is angry with you then, it is very likely that she will thank you once she is better and of course, you then don't have to worry about the baby's welfare.

Racheldevon

1. Antidepressants don't make someone unsuitable, there are plenty of people I know working in childcare/helping professions who are on medication, but who manage their conditions/mental health effectively - your friend doesn't sound like she's in a place where she can do this effectively right now
2. She shouldn't be childminding without being registered
3. She could tap into support of her local children's centre who run support/groups/activities for families with under 5s. Often they run childminder weekly groups too - and those that are in the process of registering can go along and get support and be linked into their local authority networks etc
4. Children's centres can support with the debt/finances side of things -if she doesn't want to do this, maybe look at CAB or Christian's Against Poverty - you don't have to be Christian, they do some good work
5. Local children's centre will usually run a free counselling service for those with under 5s, or many towns have low cost counselling services - google to see what's nearby

FBaby

Antidepressants don't make someone unsuitable, there are plenty of people I know working in childcare/helping professions who are on medication, but who manage their conditions/mental health effectively

Indeed, but talking about ending her life is a step above needing antidepressants to function.

She just says she cant cope with her baby and this child and feels like ending it all some days her marriage, some days her life due to the whole situation

sanel_2

Maybe you are all overreacting. Millions of people have found themselves in similar situation. Two of them just need to communicate. If he works during the day and she looks after the baby, she can find some job at night and he can take her place looking after baby. If he is not prepared to do so, she is with the wrong man. And she should stop with childminding if it doesn't work for her. But there is no need for panic

ValHaller

sanel wrote: »

Maybe you are all overreacting. Millions of people have found themselves in similar situation. Two of them just need to communicate. If he works during the day and she looks after the baby, she can find some job at night and he can take her place looking after baby. If he is not prepared to do so, she is with the wrong man. And she should stop with childminding if it doesn't work for her. But there is no need for panic

I think you are only saying the same things more dispassionately.

There are many jobs where it is justifiable to continue despite hating them. Childminding is not one of them.