Really hating my life at the moment

mcja

Popping candy, well done on posting on here, asking for advice, getting out of a previous abusive relationship, and acknowledging he is a !!!!!!.

Be strong, life will get better once you start your job. You will get your own money (get a bolt fund up and running), independence, increased self esteem and your kids will see a better you. Your OH may well realise you are a clever capable woman as well and not 'just a SAHM' (I am an unemployed SAHM with oth kids at school so know how demoralising it is).

Good luck.x

PoppingCandy

Marisco; yes, he is fine with other people. All charming and chatty and friendly. People tell me how lucky I am to have such a lovely husband...

Lannie, no, I doubt he'll pick up any of the domestic stuff when I start working. I've tried to discuss that with him too, that we will need to split things a bit when I'm working but that is another thing that he just ignores. A couple of months not having anything to do with my mum sounds bliss! At the moment, I try not to see her any more than is necessary but she has a habit of just turning up here, and then being all nice to the kids and ignoring me. It's like she just wishes I'd disappear.

mcja, I really hope working does improve things for me. I think it will as I'll have more to focus on and at least when I'm working it'll take my mind off things and hopefully make me feel more positive

meritaten

never forget that its YOUR life too - you don't HAVE to spend it in misery because you married.
my OH is quite different with other people too - and he was a wonderful son to my late MIL - he just seems to treat his family differently. not as badly as yours does - but, I do understand that you feel conflicted. focus on how HE treats you and the kids - if it isn't acceptable - then you could survive and even have a better life without him.
Truth be told - I wish I had realised that many years ago.

silverwhistle

PoppingCandy wrote: »

It's like she just wishes I'd disappear.

Well then, do so! With that fund mcja suggested setting up. Probably best to ask an old friend if you could stay, or do a bit of camping, if you have access to a car. But a week away without saying anything (apart from booking the week's holiday from your new job:D) and people will start thinking and talking, whether your family or friends, and they'll start asking questions...

If you also feel a lot better after a week (apart from worrying about the kids), then maybe you, and you circle will have learnt something. If the reaction is entirely negative and lacks understanding when you go back, that will also tell you something...

mcja

Be strong.xx
You will be fine, and you are a fab mummy. Do what you need to do to remember who you are at the moment. It's hard, I know, but so so important.

Xxxx

GinnyBubbles

Hi, I'm sorry to read about your situation, I hope you find the strength to do what you actually feel is right for you, whether it be now, or in the future. I also hope you get as much help and support as you can, so that positive people influence and help build your confidence to find out who you are. I send you much hope and the will to find your voice. Keep safe and good luck. X