Moving on....

ladyelegance77

Hello I don't know who remembers me posting about my situation where I'm living in the same house as my ex husband who I'm seperated from, we've had our house on the market for 2 years now, he got a girlfriend pretty much straight away when we split and now she's got a job she's going to move in and help him with the bills, and I started looking at rooms to rent, as my wages aren't too good at the moment so I needed something furnished and bills included. I went to see a room to rent on Wednesday, it's 350 a month all bills included. I decided I wanted the room....and I'm moving in on the 5th July when I get paid. I will have my own room but will share a kitchen with 2 other people, and the upstairs bathroom will be shared too. Here's the thing....the closer it gets the more scared and anxious I'm getting....you see I got married at 21, and at the time I was living with my parents and so when I got married I moved straight in with my now ex husband. I have never really lived on my own or been responsible for my bills. While living in this house I've given my ex half for the bills, I give him 500 a month, and I pay my own mobile bill and now my StepChange monthly payment. I'm so scared and I'm 36 years old and I've never really lived to be honest.....I'm so petrified but excited and wondering is this normal? What if this doesn't work out and I fail miserably? Sorry to vent but I've always found everyone here to be understanding and good listeners....sorry for the long post!!! Hope everyone had a good weekend

tayforth

(((Hugs)))

If it makes you feel any better, I'm 35 and have just separated from my husband - and I totally get what you're saying about facing the unknown. But this is a positive move and you should feel proud of yourself.


Two things which may make you feel better:


1. Sharing a house will at least give you company. I'm going to be living alone for the first time ever, and it's quite daunting You might make some really good friends, and you'll undoubtedly widen your social circle if you get on with your housemates.


2. You have endured a LOT living in the same house as your ex. That must have been incredibly stressful, and you are clearly a very strong woman to have got through it. So things can only get better from now on.

calicocat

I was I think 32 the first time I ever lived on my own (due to the relationship going Pete tong)

I was petrified, had never even paid a bill as the blokie had always just sorted all that out, I had lived a charmed and stress free existence up until this...so I would say the anxiety is normal...and in my case very short lived.

Once I had worked out the things I needed to sort I was flying, very happy, loved being independent and in full control of everything. So I would hope you will feel the same....it will just be odd at first.

You'll be fine honestly.

P.S...I felt a bit silly at 30's feeling like that too, but at the moment I have a friend who is terrified of splitting up from hubby and being on her own at nearly fifty, the earlier you are independent and confident with it the better these days I think.

Good luck

ladyelegance77

Thank you so much for the encouraging and kind words I am excited about moving on but it's a big transition and I know I will be better off, just feel a bit silly for being so scared. Hope all goes well for you both!

tayforth

Keep posting here and let us know how you're getting on, and we'll do our best to support you through it xx

ladyelegance77

Thank you so much I will keep you posted as often as I can

marisco_2

Your feelings are completely normal OP. The fact that you feel trepidation, along with all the excitement of starting a brand new chapter of your life, indicates how level headed you are to me. You're looking at things from all angles and preparing yourself to start living a whole new way.

It may take a little time to adjust but I expect in a few weeks you will be embracing your new life and loving it. Please do keep us updated as to how it is all going. There are some lovely people on here who would happily offer advice and help if you find you need it. All the best.

Pixiechic

It's normal to be apprehensive and nervously excited about change. This sounds like a really positive move for you.

Have you met the other people who live there? It will be nice for you to have others around and much better than sharing a house with your ex and new girlfriend!!

You will manage fine and all the best with the move and to your new exciting life

shortdog

It's perfectly normal to be scared about it all - you'll be fine. You have company when you want it, space to escape if you've had a bad day, and no ex-husband bringing his girlfriend home - it's got to be better than where you are.
I left my ex 6 years ago, and moved into a house with my kids - first time I'd ever been responsible for bills etc. It was terrifying, but liberating - it was my house, my rules, my routine, and my choices. Best thing I've ever done - took a bit of getting used to when my OH moved in with us mind you!
Good luck, and enjoy.

zzzLazyDaisy

OP, Good luck with the move, and with reclaiming your life - you have been in limbo for far too long!

May I also ask if there is a reason you are not divorced? If not, then it may be worth getting that show on the road.

In any case, you do need to consider the situation re the house. With your ex and his gf playing happy families there, they may have less incentive to sell up. If the house is in negative equity that may not matter, but if there is equity tied up in the place, then you need to be considering either dropping the price or him buying you out. Starting divorce proceedings may focus his mind on that.

Either way, assuming the house is jointly owned as joint tenants (the most usual way for married couples) you need to consider severing the joint tenancy and have that noted on the land registry deeds otherwise if anything happens to you, ex automatically gets the house. Following on from that, you also need to make a will if you have not already done so.

Dx

treeze

I was 49 when I seperated from my husband and we lived in the same house for six months until I moved. It's a horrible horrible situation and you will feel S000 much better when you are out believe me. Fortunately Iwas able to buy a small house with the help of my son in law and my husband advanced me the money the house would fetch when sold. I had NEVER paid a bill in my life or even worked more than a few hours a week...like you,felt I'd never lived and was completely CLUELESS...if I can do it...and I am still alive four years later..:Tthan YOU can too. You will make a life and you won't feel trapped anymore living the way you have to now.The thing I wish you most is hope...and enjoy your new life.x