What to do about child playing outside and knocking on our door??

ladyandthetramp

I live in a small square of houses with a green grass area in the middle of the square, plenty of the kids who live round here play on the greeny bit and on the street. Now a child how is 5 and a half is out there all the time on his own, and mine who is four and half went to pre school with him last year so they have become friendly, we only let mine out the front if one of us is with him obviously, now bar the issues i have with the child being left to play unattended (his house is set back from the square, down a alley and cant been seen from the bit where they play) he has taken to knocking on our door a couple of times a day asking for my little one to come out and play, yesterday he knocked about 6 times 3 of those while mine was having a nap.

He eventually woke him up and asked if he could come in a say hello, I wasnt sure what the say so let him, I left my front door open incase his parents came looking (fat chance!) and he was in my house for about ten mins, in this time he managed to make a right mess getting all toys out etc, hes a nice enough little boy but is becoming a bit of a pain and its getting more and more regular, my partner wasnt happy with me letting him in, saying what if something happened to him while he was here etc.

So sorry for the long post but am wondering what to do about it? I feel a bit mean saying no, and also mine will be going to the same school as this other little boy next year (different years but its a very small school with only 2 years there at present) and I am concerned what kind of influence this friend is going to have on mine seeing as he has no boundries/rules.

Anyone been in a similar situation? I am thinking of introducing myself to his parents, or something????
p.s. sorry if I sound like a snob, I am totally not, just want what is best for my child.

jackyann

Yes, I would introduce yourself to his parents.
On the whole it is not a good idea to have a child of this age in your house without his parents/guardians knowledge (and yes I have been in similar situations a few times!)

Having introduced yourself, get the lie of the land and play it from there. I would begin by asking for their phone number - so you can let them know when he comes in to play (you can also use it to ring and say "not convenient at the moment, please could you fetch him?")
They may of course, take the hint to keep a closer eye on their child, though i suspect not.

Ideally you should only invite children in that both you & your children are happy to have. Life isn't always like that, I have certainly allowed some children in when I might have rather not; but if it rerally was unwanted then I didn't.
Do check with your child what he thinks of "X",
So I think you need to think carefully about when you say "yes" or "no". It does help children to have rules, so you could say "not after 6pm" or "not on Sunday" (but that doesn't mean "yes"at all other times!)

I wouldn't get too worried about "what might happen to him" as most parents have their kids friends & neighbours' kids in & out (your house insurance normally carries a public liability) but I would repeat that his parents need informing.

With regard to the wider issue of child safety, I think only you can know how reasonable it is to have a child of that age out unsupervised. I would broadly say that in a safe environment such as you have described, I would allow a child of that age to play out, if they were with others or I could easily see them. That he was in your house for 10 minutes without his carers realising, is, I think, worrying.

If I were you, I would consider ringing Social Services. You can do this anonymously and ask for their advice. If they do advise you to do anything, you can always say you want to think about it before calling them back. You don't even have to give the child's name & address, but if you do, you don't have to give yours. It is worth remembering that in some cases of neglect, small incidents like this can build up into a pattern.

If there is a family worker or similar at the pre-school, consider an informal word with them. They will know their counterpart at this child's school and may be able to give informaladvice.

But I would add:
Don't allow this child or his parents to make you uncomfortable
Set your own rules
If you think this needs reporting to Social Services, do so.

Oh, and you have my sympathies - making a warm environment for your own child attracts others! And you most certainly don't sound like a snob, you sound like someone concerned about a child's wellbeing who is navigating a difficult path!

Kayalana99

Wow what a strange one. I feel really sorry for the child he is probally getting kicked out of the house so not to get under the parents feet (at a guess!) and doesn't have anything better to do then come round his 'friends house' to play.

Do you generally not want these kids to be friends later on? You said he was a nice enough kid sometimes even with crappy parents you find the nice sweet one of the bunch... I think without knowing the answar to that it be hard for people to give advice about what to do next.

balletshoes

If your son is happy to play with him, then I'd let him - but next time this little boy wants to come in and play, take him to his home with your son first and introduce yourself to his parents. Get their phone number and give them yours, and check with them that its ok for him to play in at yours (by the sounds of things they will be perfectly ok with this but at least you are being responsible and letting them know).

If its not convenient when he knocks at the door, just tell him so.

If he makes a mess with toys etc when he's in at yours playing, tell him (and your son) to tidy it all up before he leaves. I used to have one of those, little boy who would quite happily take all my DD's toys out and not put any of them back. When he said it was time to go home (next door) I said, tidy up first, if you all do it it will only take a couple of minutes. He didn't like tidying up, so he ended up not coming back very often after that .

jess1974

why on earth would anyone ring social services ????? there will always be kids like this who knock for others to play with, does'nt mean he is being abused or neglected, just tell him firmly that it is not convenient and he will soon get the message x

missindecisive

I wouldn't let him in to your house. not unless you meet the parents first and explain where he is. Just politely and cheerily say no each time he knocks. Tell him that your child won't be playing out on his own unless you are there. Every family does things differently. You are not being a snob, just concerned for the welfare of this child there is nothing wrong with that.

ps, if you start to let him in regular, he will be round all the time, you will become practically his childminder...ive been there!

ladyandthetramp

Thanks for the advice everyone, I shall take all comments on board. He decided to just let himself into our house last night (about half 7 not in the night!)!!! The OH told him off a bit so maybe that's put him off, think I just need to be a little less of a soft touch.

jackyann

jess1974 wrote: »

why on earth would anyone ring social services ????? there will always be kids like this who knock for others to play with, does'nt mean he is being abused or neglected, just tell him firmly that it is not convenient and he will soon get the message x

I suggested it as a possibility, partly because OP seemed concerned in general, not just about her own household.

Although every situation is individual, it sounded to me not like a child just "knocking to play". Broadly, parents / carers of a child of 5 should know where they are.

365days

missindecisive wrote: »

I wouldn't let him in to your house. not unless you meet the parents first and explain where he is. Just politely and cheerily say no each time he knocks. Tell him that your child won't be playing out on his own unless you are there. Every family does things differently. You are not being a snob, just concerned for the welfare of this child there is nothing wrong with that.

ps, if you start to let him in regular, he will be round all the time, you will become practically his childminder...ive been there![/QUOTE]

Agreed x1000!

hardpressed

Introduce yourself to his parents. When he does call to play insist that he phones home so they know where he is. Many , many years ago my son got friendly with a lad at school, we weren't too sure of the home situation, lets just say he had a much older brother who'd had his collar felt a few time. So rather that let him go there to play we encouraged this lad, who was a nice enough boy, to play at our house, him mum was glad to get him out from under her feet. Sadly he began to go the way of his brother and my son got tired of his tall stories so they drifted apart.

scorpiod

Having had this myself, it got to the point where I had to firmly tell the child that, no, she cannot come and play in our house/garden....no, she cannot stop for tea/snacks....and no, my children are not playing out on the street.