Stray Son

myonlysunshine

Just wondering whether I am alone in having this problem or if its a common thing with 19 year olds!

Although part of the problem is he had a part time job as he EXTREMELY committed to his up and coming soon to be very successful etc etc rock band..hes always skint though and complains that he needs another job to fund his band...he just never comes home to sleep or eat....

I've told him that he is never going to get into a routine or a full time job if he turns up every 48 hours in same clothes, smelly teeth smelly clothes smelly everything :eek:.i know hes at his girlfriends a few nights a week which is fine, and I know hes an adult..but my brothers never stayed out like he does nor did my DH...

I promise i dont drive him away with too much nagging but this cant be helping him get on with life..i am being bloomin dramatic???

I can take honest answers :rotfl:

pulliptears

myonlysunshine wrote: »

Just wondering whether I am alone in having this problem or if its a common thing with 19 year olds!

Although part of the problem is he had a part time job as he EXTREMELY committed to his up and coming soon to be very successful etc etc rock band..hes always skint though and complains that he needs another job to fund his band...he just never comes home to sleep or eat....

I've told him that he is never going to get into a routine or a full time job if he turns up every 48 hours in same clothes, smelly teeth smelly clothes smelly everything :eek:.i know hes at his girlfriends a few nights a week which is fine, and I know hes an adult..but my brothers never stayed out like he does nor did my DH...

I promise i dont drive him away with too much nagging but this cant be helping him get on with life..i am being bloomin dramatic???

I can take honest answers :rotfl:

You could be describing my 20 year old DS. He's at Uni, works part time and also in a very successful local band.

I came to the conclusion that he's got a lot on, he deals with it his way and leave him be. It's not a fight worth having tbh. He'll be sleeping and eating somewhere (my DS was either at GF's or band mates).

I personally think you are being dramatic, let him get on with it and live his life his way. My DS moved out last month and I hear from him perhaps once a week and he visits a couple of times a month when he gets a chance, personally I'm proud that I've raised a sensible, independent boy who can take care of himself without needing me 24/7 and I think you should be as well.

myonlysunshine

Good advice thank you

I worry about him as he has ADHD too but I don't want that to hamper anything that he chooses to do in life....he is a bit of a free spirit and I suppose I should let him 'be' a bit more..thanks

pulliptears

myonlysunshine wrote: »

Good advice thank you

I worry about him as he has ADHD too but I don't want that to hamper anything that he chooses to do in life....he is a bit of a free spirit and I suppose I should let him 'be' a bit more..thanks

I was the same at 17/18 very much a free spirit that didn't come home for days. DD is the complete opposite, getting her out of the house is an achievement in itself

Just be there when he does come back with a smile and ask him how he's doing. My only stipulation with mine was let me know if he was coming back so I could include him in the family meal.

Wicked_witch

So, it seems my son has been living with several different parents while he's out, like the cat in that story

ADHD, check, musician, check, still being nagged to shower yet has a girlfriend, check, out all the time, check...

Maybe we should get them all together to form the most successful and stinky rock band of all time.

podperson

Sounds quite normal to me - I remember being exactly the same at 17/18. In fact I quite vividly remember when I was 18 I was at college (usually with a summer job inbetween) and also had a bar job so would leave in the morning, come home for tea, go straight back out again either to work or a friends house, often stay either at the friends or at my bf's for the night, drop home at about 7am to change my clothes/quick shower and straight back out again to do at again. Looking back I have no idea how I survived on so little sleep but the joys of being a teenager I guess! :rotfl:

Just as a point though, my mum absolutely hated it. She would constantly moan and complain about how I was never home, where was I going, what was I doing, who was I with. It did definately contribute to me moving out at 18 as in typical 'teenage rebellion' fashion I felt smothered by it and we simply argued constantly. I do think boys can be a little more laid back but as long as he's not doing any harm I wouldn't push him too much - I'm sure it will pass.

myonlysunshine

W.W.....


Im really sorry/happy that I'm not the only one :rotfl:

I suppose it's better than them being stuck in the bedroom all the time, no friends etc. isn't it?

myonlysunshine

P.P thanks for the input, I try REALLY hard not too nag, well I try...

When my son does turn up at home though its 4or 5am in the morning, TV on Very loud, on the phone to other night owls (now I know he's not the only one!!!) forgetting his little brother is asleep as are we!!

I honestly don't mind him staying out at all just be nice to know I'd he is coming back so we know regarding food etc but I suppose it's a phase that will calm down when he's bit older or when he moves out!!!!:rotfl:

I appreciate the feedback thanks :T

lionheartedgirl

also just to add, as a musician it's a very different concept of a full time job. If he's successful at that (and again that's a different concept to many folks!) it won't be a steady 9-5 35-40 hour week or any kind of routine. Not suggesting that's what you do, but just in case

I left my very mainstream job last year to do music and even I didn't really realise how my body clock and working patterns would shift, and I'm in my 30s so should be able to keep myself on track :eek: :rotfl:

That's great his (and so many others on here!) band are doing so well, and even better that you are so supportive of him following his dreams

Errata

myonlysunshine wrote: »

P.P thanks for the input, I try REALLY hard not too nag, well I try...

When my son does turn up at home though its 4or 5am in the morning, TV on Very loud, on the phone to other night owls (now I know he's not the only one!!!) forgetting his little brother is asleep as are we!!

A good skelp should cure that nasty little habit, and he can listen to the ringing in his ears if he needs entertainment.
He may be your darling son but he appears to be selfish, rude and as my mother would tell him "this place is not a hotel".
Teach him some manners.

jellyhead

There's a middle ground between constant nagging and allowing him to play loud music while people are trying to sleep.

I think at this time of year with everyone talking about uni, A-levels, GCSE's etc. people tend to look at the ones who are still drifting, and ask why they haven't sorted themselves out yet. My 16 year old has just dropped his A-levels, and a few people are a bit sneering about it. He's dyspraxic and that does make a difference.

He's signed up for college and thinks he has all the answers But he has to conform to the house rules because my husband needs his sleep in order to pay the mortgage, and my youngest needs to sleep before school. We've taken in another teenager, so he's now having to go to bed early on nights that his friend has school in the morning, it's a hard life!

I agree that you must stop him from inconveniencing the rest of the household while they are trying to sleep. He can have his freedom to 'find himself' or whatever without being an !!!! to the rest of you. If he wants to put music on, make him use headphones!