Stray Son

thatlemming

I did the whole coming home at 4/5am in the morning thing a lot a few years ago, but my mum would have killed me had I stuck music/telly on! She always threatened to deadlock the door if I made too much noise so that the next night I wouldn't be able to get in. She never did deadlock it but I never made a sound haha.

mishmogs

pulliptears wrote: »

You could be describing my 20 year old DS. He's at Uni, works part time and also in a very successful local band.

I came to the conclusion that he's got a lot on, he deals with it his way and leave him be. It's not a fight worth having tbh. He'll be sleeping and eating somewhere (my DS was either at GF's or band mates).

I personally think you are being dramatic, let him get on with it and live his life his way. My DS moved out last month and I hear from him perhaps once a week and he visits a couple of times a month when he gets a chance, personally I'm proud that I've raised a sensible, independent boy who can take care of himself without needing me 24/7 and I think you should be as well.

I think this is probably hit all the nails on the head. You could ask him to consider other members of the house but it will go in one ear, swim around and out the other, his head is full of his world at that age. As he's not getting into trouble and hes enjoying his life, I would let him be after all, hes only young once and he will have great memories when he gets older (and you can have a laugh when you retell the tales).

jellyhead

Oh, my word has been censored. It wasn't too bad, honest!

My dad told me recently about my grandad locking him out of the house when he was a teenager in a band, coming home too late at night. He slept under the tree outside the house, and the vicar walked past early in the morning and told him off for being such a tearaway He laughs about it now.

Your son knows what he wants out of life and is managing to keep a part time job in order to fund his lifestyle. I remember when I was that age I stayed out most nights with people who didn't have a little brother to consider at home, and were allowed to stay up late and play music.

Robin_TBW

I know a !!!! load of local "successful" bands. None of them will ever "make it" though REALLY. The best they'll usually really do it just have a few 16 year old girls wanting to sleep with them and that'll be payment enough. Don't expect him to ever make money from the band thing. Most of the bands just consider the money they spent on hiring a place out and promotion against what they took from the door costs but they don't then consider how much their time was worth, how much time they've spent and hours working they've given up for it and other things. Make sure he realises this and sees it as more of a thing he loves than the be all and end all.

myonlysunshine

Thanks again everyone....

I'm going to have a word with him about the noise there is definitely a fine line between nagging and reasoning but its not fair on my husband and son who are getting disturbed in the middle of the night..

Robin, as much as his career in music may be a only dream and come to nothing I am certainly not going burst his bubble at 19 years old!

He pays a very small amount of keep and if he learns to respect the basics at home I will let him follow his dream for now whilst he has his youth and independence.

He struggled with hobbies and interests when he was younger because of his concentration, and getting him a drum kit gave him an outlet for his abundance of energy, if music is what he wants to do with his life that's his decision and we will support him and encourage him as much as we can

Errata

we will support him and encourage him as much as we can

That's fair enough and understandable, providing he starts to mind his manners and stops behaving like an oik.

myonlysunshine

Yep, we need to get the respect thing sorted I know we won't be so accommodating if he keeps being selfish and rude at certain times of the day.

I feel like a stuck record with him sometimes repeating myself, as does my husband...any advice bar locking him out? Or is that the only option!!!

Errata

You repeat yourself over and over because he's got tin ears. You need to make it very clear to him that his actions have consequences. Give him the key to the shed, perhaps he'll respect that more than he does his home.

Bennifred

Removing fuses when the rest of you go to bed?


Just to add - it all sounds completely normal to me (3 x DSs similar ages to your son) except for the noise thing. That would not be tolerated.......

Savvy_Sue

Robin_TBW wrote: »

The best they'll usually really do it just have a few 16 year old girls wanting to sleep with them and that'll be payment enough.

I'm not sure I wanted to hear that ... although it's been a year or two since DS3 was playing in a band! :rotfl: