How do you bring up your children as DFW?

gilly1964

Well what a debate - at least this is in our house.

We have very different views on this, not helped by there being a mum and me as the step mum.

My DSS, aged 13, gets £10 for cleaning our car inside and out. In addition to this if he does extra he gets a little extra, but he thinks he should get pocket money for brushing his teeth, doing his asthma puffers and the normal every day things that a teenager should be doing without being nagged. We also top up his PAYG mobile with £10 every month.

He gets no pocket money from his mum, although to be fair she does top his phone up about every 3 months.

I was brought up by my Dad who did not believe in credit and only just about trusted building societies for saving as they did not have share holders who got all the profit - how things have changed:rolleyes:

He took us to the BS every week to pay in either 50P or £1 if we had been really good and then 30p for something from the sweet shop or a comic - Roy of the Rovers for me:j

For birthdays and Christmas we got one or two good things which we knew he had worked and saved hard for - my Raleigh Chopper being one.


MY DP was brought up by 2 parents who always bought lots of presents for birthdays etc, but mostly they were tat -lots of things for £1, when one thing for £5 or £10 would have been more appreciated. He didn''t get any pocket money or savings money and now as a consequence thinks you can buy what you want when you want it - he has no concept of saving.

In my opinion, he is passing on this same trait to his son who as soon as he gets some money has to spend it.

Sorry that wasn't so much a debate as me getting things off my chest - but boy do I feel good.

Thanks for listening
Gilly

ZTD

Well in my opinion, you can only teach the kids the knowledge and techniques of saving, but you can't teach them to *want* to save.

You can "incentivise" it... But ultimately it is their choice.

My mum was "matched" by her Dad when she was a child. Whatever she saved, he'd give her on top. She saved five pounds, which was a hell of a lot of money in those days (about a weeks wage).

She's very sensible with money, but her brother is not - at least not until recently when he's coming up to retirement... :eek:

I_was_a_fool

Interesting stuff! My kids both get pocket money and treat it completely differently. My daughter is saving hers for a bike just now, and has in the past saved up for shoes (Converse and Vans, which I wont buy her as too expensive) and the more expensive "brand" clothes (which get worn along with the cheap but nice stuff I get her). There is a lot of peer pressure on her to have the "right"` labels, but this is a good compromise. She cuts the labels out of the cheap stuff BTW :rotfl:

My son spends his straight away on sweets, comics, yugioh cards etc. He wants an xbox and I have told him to start saving for it!! To be fair he seldom asks for anything and doesnt care about clothes, but I have a long way to go to teach him to be DFW!

Redbedhead

I think teaching children about getting a saving habit is a really positive thing. Suggesting they save a % of pocket money should start off a habit that continues in to their working life.

I picked up my bogof habit from my Mum. We only had a dessert after dinner if they were on special offer / reduced / bogof. We definitely didn't suffer for it and I still do it now (although with main meals as we can't eat dessert every day as we are eating healthily!) and my H has picked up on it and even jokes about it.

As a teenager I was given an allowance which I had to use for various things. It taught me how to budget and I think was a valuable lesson.

Mrs_Beatson

Not sure of the answer myself! However I think it maybe relate to the type of person you are!
we give the 3 children £1 each when the ice cream man comes.
My 5 yr old daughter buys the smallest ice cream and keeps the change,
my 6yr old boy buys the BIGGEST and has nothing left!
(I keep the change from the 2 yr olds lol )

I think you're either born a spender or a saver!

Ytaya

I was brought up exactly the same as my brother; I'm 2 years younger. He's always been frugal and a saver. I, well... I wouldn't be here if I'd been frugal earlier in life :rotfl:

I do remember that money was a taboo subject in our house. We never had a lot when we were growing up - never felt deprived, but we never had extras or luxuries. We only went on a proper family holiday twice, other times we just went to stay with relatives, that kind of thing. But money was never discussed in front of the kids. I never heard my parents talking about how to save up for X, or if they could cut back on Y to fund Z. I wish they had talked about it in front of us, I think it's important for kids to realise what money means and where stuff comes from.

DUKE

I wouldn't pay my kids to clean their own room or any other part of the home for that matter - they live there too But each to their own I remember as a child begging for a sub on my 2 bob pocket money but my Dad would never ever give in, he explained that I would be short the following week and then end up in debt .... Those words have served me well over the years. It doesn't hurt anyone to go without and I appreciate the things when I finally get them.

DUKE

I know a woman who gives her 2 teenagers the child allowance money and they have to budget on that, which I think is a brilliant idea - providing you can afford to do this.

chunky79

I completely agree with storm. I teach my kids that if we don't have the money they do not get. Although yes we have debt the debt was because we bought this hell hole of a house that needed moeny spending on it. It simply was not safe. Out of 15k i spent £300 on a trampoline and enclosure the rest went on the house not one single penny went on anything other than this house.

I do have great kids who do not think that everything they see should be theirs, but i do give them treats that cost litle but go a long way. The most expensive is we go to a local farm once a month but family ticket is £18. They have swimming lessons and they are allowed on the slides for an hour after their lessons. This way they have fun that costs nothing as the lessons are already paid for by nannan. We also go to a play area that cost £2 each and you can stay all day. They really have no idea how much it costs all they see is they do have fun and usually aren't bored.

I try not to spend anything if i can get away with it. Luckily a friend of the family rears lambs so they get to see lambs being born its great. Free trip out and also the kids love animals. Perfect.

I take them to the pictures now and again. But we do sneak out own food in the kid slove it as its a bit sneaky lol. So in a way i am teaching them to be sneaky (not so good) but not to overpay so there is a good out of that lol

summersnearlyhere

This is a really good thread and there are so many different opinions here! My sister and I were brought up the same way, she's the spender and lives her life on the edge of the threats from baliff's. We never had much money and my father used to steal what we had when we were children and got the odd £1 for a birthday etc. Hence we lived in hand made clothes made from crimpolene! Ugh! I've hated living with the fear of mortgage rates rising and not being able to cope and for the first time in my life have savings that I can use to buy what I want and feel really good about it. The difference between me and my sister is that I will work and save and she wants it given to her on a plate and doesn't want to work. Thankfully my 2nd DH is the same, a worker. We have a 10 yr old DD who has been spoiled but I could see where it was going. Since the day she was born I put anything she was given into a savings account for her. When it came to birthdays and Christmas any money was she was given was put away. It became sticky when she one day told a relative that she didn't have any money because I took it all from her! She's always been very bright but this worked in the end because I could show her the bank book and explain how the bank gave her money as well for saving it. She is really good now. When it came to wanting a DS at Christmas after having a Gameboy last year and a Playstation 2 for her birthday I said no. I suggested if she was asked what she wanted to say money or vouchers towards what she wanted. We have a huge family and they were really grateful at being able to give her something towards what she wanted and I was really grateful not to have to try and find places for more tat! Now when she gets any money I ask her how much she wants to put in the bank and she decides what to do with it. I put her £10 a month into a savings account (last year we opened another one with the Halifax at 10% interest). We talked about banks and getting the best rate back and she was really happy with the free gift they gave for opening the account. She has quite a little stash now and when we went camping last year even offered to pay for a holiday abroad out of her money as I told her we couldn't afford to go abroad! She has a chart with a few chores on with different amounts on so she can earn cash to spend during the week. She's actually using this at the moment to earn holiday spending money. We went away this weekend and I bought her a game which she promptly gave me the money back for today. As she has been really good this week I told her she could keep it if she just tidied up her room again and she was really torn as she appreciates it was a lot of money and kept saying it was too much! Then again I've had it back fire in the supermarket when she's wanted all the latest advertised rubbish and I'd given in to the odd thing but then started saying I couldn't afford. Came to the wine isle and she started to put it back on the shelf saying I couldn't afford it!! Very embarrassing! Basically what I'm trying to say is she is 10 yrs old and will not even think about taking anything out of the bank but will concentrate on earning what she needs for what she wants now - I hope it continues and I'm doing the right thing - pity she didn't come with a manual I'd have slept better! LOL :rotfl: