How do you bring up your children as DFW?

blackangeluk

Thought if anyone had good advice/tips they could post them here. I have two children and although they don't get everything they want, I buckle a lot of the time and buy them things after much whining from them.

I don't think until my LBM that I really had a lot of respect for money and its true value, but I am certainly learning my lesson.

How do I teach my children the value and bring them up to save and not spend?

Since my LBM I think very carefully before buying anything and so far 100% of the time I have not bought anything unnecessary (save for e.g. a newspaper) and I have decided to save for things that I really do want (like miracle face cream :rolleyes: )

So, anyone got any ideas/advice/tips on how to stop our children falling into the same trap as us?

Snaggles

DS has a star chart and earns a small amount each week for good behaviour that he can either spend or save up for something bigger - he loves saving up for Doctor Who toys with them, and I think it helps him understand that money doesn't grow on trees and has to be earned before it can be spent.

Also, if we can't afford something, I tell him honestly that we don't have enough money for it.

blackangeluk

Hello again

We have a similar chart for behaviour but the money seems to burn in DD's pocket? I need to make her realise money doesn't grow on trees and I won't subsidise the shortfall but I have failed miserably - until now!

We do have an old huge whiskey jar which is our holiday spends and all change and other bits (including marbles and peas ) go in there - I was hoping she could see it grow and how we are using it for the holiday.

Maybe I should ask her what she really wants and she can work towards that goal on her chart?

KellsBells

This is exactly what I do aswell, the boys have a chart with pictures on, and next to each is a value - when they do the job, they get the reward and the money goes into the money box. Once they have a bit saved, they can choose what they wish to spend it on. Our list is:

Tidy bedroom - 50p Brush teeth = 20p
Get dressed in a morning without messing about = 10p
Do Homework from school/nursery (only reading) = 10p
Eat all their tea = 20p Do a job for Mummy = 20p
Be a superstar = 30p

Obviously I can get away with the small & disproportionate amounts at the moment as they are only 4 & 5 years old, but it seems to be working - Ben has saved about £25 and owen has about £19. It's great!!:D

Snaggles

Peas? :rotfl:

I think I may have spotted the flaw in your saving plan!

southernscouser

I don't know if it something that can be taught or not!

Me and my brother were born 18 months apart. I was always crap with money, like my dad, and my brother was always good with money, like my mum.

We didn't have much money as a family when we were kids but both got the same money wise. He always saved. I always spent. I don't know why.

We are both quite different personalities but I'm not sure if it's a trait or what!

In a nutshell I'm waffling and ain't got a clue.

petetidball

I'm teaching my kids by not giving them pocket money, but loaning them pocket money to buy what they want and repay it with one low monthly paymet. The daughter has three weeks to pay me arrears or I'm sending the bailiffs in to get Barbie.

Seriously though, I think that it's a very hard thing to do. Children want things now and don't understand that money isn't never ending. Having been in the situations that we've been in, me and the wife both agree that we'll try our hardest to make sure our children never end up the same way. My parents are good with money, hers are good with money (to a stupid degree at times), we're good with money when we've got some. Thats the problem, we don't have any. But I think that teaching children that money has to be earned is the best way to go about it. Little jobs for small rewards is the best way to do it, in my opinion.

I have refused to set up savings in my childrens names as I don't want it to be theirs when they turn 18 and for them to spend it all on crap. I'd rather save ourselves and help them out with one big thing ie wedding/house/car. That way, they don't have this idea of a bundle of cash being theirs at some point purely because they were born.

chocaholic110

southernscouser wrote: »

I don't know if it something that can be taught or not!

Me and my brother were born 18 months apart. I was always crap with money, like my dad, and my brother was always good with money, like my mum.

We didn't have much money as a family when we were kids but both got the same money wise. He always saved. I always spent. I don't know why.

We are both quite different personalities but I'm not sure if it's a trait or what!

In a nutshell I'm waffling and ain't got a clue.

I think I sort of agree with this. DS (12) is and has always been a saver. Generally he keeps his birthday money 51 weeks and spends it the week before his birthday so that he always has money. He is the one I go to for a loan to pay the window cleaner etc! He is also the one who will save steadily for a big purchase.

DD (8) has to spend every penny she gets almost the second she gets it. It doesn't matter what she buys as long as she buys it - quantity over quality is her motto and I have never known for her to save for anything except when she really wanted a Nintendo DS.

We get away with a lot with them really as they have never had pocket money and have never asked. Their great Gran gives them 50p(!) every week and that is it, though they do tend to get a fair amount of money given at Christmas / birthdasy / Easter. I do intend to start giving pocket money when we are debt free - hopefully it might encourage DD to budget (or just fill her bedroom with even more crap!)

wherediditallgo

I think some DFW ways can be taught, but some are innate & some just evolve through circumstances. My younger brother & I were brought up to save money - my mother made anything she could rather than buy it, & nothing got thrown out that my dad or one of his friends could repair, even if it took several weeks to be working again. Once I had my first full-time job, I got a credit card & a store card & things went downhill slowly but surely - I still cringe at the days I would go into a store & buy 6 of something, 1 in each colour available. :eek: My brother went to the other extreme - saving every single penny, pretending he didn't have money when he did, never spending when he genuinely needed to, buying the cheapest gifts (in terms of quality as well as price) even for family who'd done loads to help him (a whole other story there ).

Fast forward 20 odd years, & I've learned from bitter experience not to spend to a ridiculous level. I've had friends help me when I've truly been in desperate straits. I now have my budgets in hand for bills (all are paid up & one is a month ahead), my spreadsheets that get updated almost daily, my jars in the kitchen for small change & £2 coins & my saving forecasts all done & on target. My brother on the other hand became so obsessed with money & so tight-fisted (he'd sell you the skin off a lemon & try to convince you it's a new designer leather ) that he lost many friends because he wouldn't pay his way, or borrowed but didn't pay back on time or at all, or wouldn't go out with them. One of his ex's told me that she left him because after over a year together, he hadn't bought her so much as a card for her birthday & if they went anywhere she always paid, no matter how cheap the place was (she was far from a spendthrift, but couldn't get him to see how mean & unfair he was being). He's now trying to correct things, but may have left things too late as he's almost forgotten how to make friends with people from not socialising much with them. When he was off work with a badly broken leg for 6 weeks, not a single person visited him other than a neighbour & a work colleague who came round once (he lives a very long way away so no family could get to see him) & he hardly got any calls to see how he was. I've been off work sick almost a month, & barely a day goes by when someone doesn't visit or phone.

What I'm trying to say is that being DFW is always a balancing act between getting money, spending money & saving money for bills etc. Sometimes someone will throw you extra skittles to juggle that might put relationships in danger etc & if you can't manage to keep them going as well, in the end no matter how DFW you are loneliness is a bitter pill to swallow for it. The child who manages to learn that DFW is a balancing act, rather than simply save or spend will grow into a well-rounded adult, with occasional money grumbles but friends who'll provide support when needed.

SarahNeedle1872

petetidball wrote: »

I'm teaching my kids by not giving them pocket money, but loaning them pocket money to buy what they want and repay it with one low monthly paymet. The daughter has three weeks to pay me arrears or I'm sending the bailiffs in to get Barbie.

This is a BRILLIANT idea! I shall have to remember this when DS is old enough, and get a tow truck for his cars!!!

Sarah x

lauren_1

DD has a token systemm well a glittery baby milk tin that 10p (the tokens) go in to when she does something good (cleans her teeth, picks up her toys) or does her chores (sweep decking, water plants, make her bed)

She has a list of things to but with her tokens like an ice cream is 20 tokens and a swimming trip is 30 tokens and a trip to longleat is 100, i strongly suspect my mum is filling her pockets with 10p's as at last count she has 56 in there?

Also the promise of a token generaly enough to get her to do anything