Quick Question about Divorce

hayley11

Hi

I'm sorry if this question has been asked before or this isn't the right place for it...

My husband left me two months ago for some girl he works with, i'm not really bothered about divorcing him as I won't gain anything from it and I have lost all faith in marriage so have no plans to get married again.

So my question is, if I don't divorce him and we stay married but are very much seperated, if I started seeing somebody at some point in the future, could he then divorce me for adultery?

Thanks
Hayley

tayforth

Yes, he could.

Why don't you want to divorce him?

Guest101

And he'd be entitled to a share of your assets etc. Just divorce him, it's simpler in the long run (sounds like there is no marriage to save as such)

zzzLazyDaisy

What Tayforth said.

Be aware also, that even if you do not want to divorce him, he could divorce you. If he wants a quick divorce he could divorce you for 'unreasonable behaviour'. Even if you don't agree that you have behaved unreasonably, there is nothing you could do about it, because the focus is that your behaviour is such that HE finds it unreasonable to expect him to continue to live with you.

hayley11

I thought if I refused to sign it, he would have to wait 5 years to divorce me?

I'm not sure why I don't want to divorce him, probably because i'm not quite ready yet but I just like to know where I stand with things. Another reason is probably because I hope it might cause him some inconvenience in some way but i'm sure these feelings will pass when i'm feeling a bit better about everything.

I have no assets, I have no savings, don't own my own house etc. He has a share savings plan and a pension with work, I don't think either are worth much as he's only been in them a couple of years but would I have a right to claim part of them if I divorced him now?

If I chose to divorce him on the grounds of adultery, does he have to cover all the costs?

Sorry for all the questions.

Thanks
Hayley

hayley11

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

What Tayforth said.

Be aware also, that even if you do not want to divorce him, he could divorce you. If he wants a quick divorce he could divorce you for 'unreasonable behaviour'. Even if you don't agree that you have behaved unreasonably, there is nothing you could do about it, because the focus is that your behaviour is such that HE finds it unreasonable to expect him to continue to live with you.

What behaviour could he possibly put though? He can't just make stuff up surely?

ca55ie

When ex and I split up solicitor told me that courts see adultery as proof that the marriage has broken down and under most circumstances will have no bearing on custody, asset distribution etc.
Its up to you whether you want to make a clean break or not - the question is do you still want to be legally associated with this man?

terryw

hayley11 wrote: »

What behaviour could he possibly put though? He can't just make stuff up surely?

Hayley

I am probably not saying this in legal language and no doubt someone more qualified than me will come along to correct.

BUT

In the divorce petition for unreasonable conduct, all sorts of daft reasons can be put forward........make your own examples up! The judge has to make a decison and he recognises that the marriage is over and is likely to grant the divorce even if defended. The costs of defending, in any case, are likely to be so substantial that few are wealthy enough to take this route.

Divorce after two years separation by consent is much more common.

bw

zzzLazyDaisy

hayley11 wrote: »

I thought if I refused to sign it, he would have to wait 5 years to divorce me?

No. If he petitions for divorce for 'unreasonable conduct' and you refuse to sign and return the papers, they will be delivered to you by hand and the process server (bailiff) will swear and affidavit confirming you have received the papers. The divorce will then proceed.

He has a share savings plan and a pension with work, I don't think either are worth much as he's only been in them a couple of years but would I have a right to claim part of them if I divorced him now?

This is something you should ask your solicitor about. It depends how long you have been married and whether you really want to get into the expense and hassle of claiming for something that may cost you more in solicitor's and actuarial fees. But in principle you are entitled to claim 50% of the savings and the pension pot. It is up to the lawyers then to argue about it and if you can't come to an agreement then the court will decide.

If I chose to divorce him on the grounds of adultery, does he have to cover all the costs?

No. As a general rule each party pays their own costs, but the costs of the petitioner are generally more because their solicitor prepares the papers

Sorry for all the questions.

Thanks
Hayley

It seems to me that you are probably still in shock/grieving about the end of your marriage, and that is natural. There is no need for you to do anything at the moment. If he starts divorce proceedings, my advice is just to get it over with, because trying to prevent it will be futile and will just cause unnecessary stress and upset for you. If he does not take any immediate steps to divorce, then you can decide what you want to do and when in your own time.

hayley11

Thanks. I don't think he will divorce me, not yet anyway.

Maybe in a couple of months when I am feeling better about it, i'll just get it over with because it is definitely over. Too much has happened for it to ever work out.

Thanks again for the advice, I really appreciate it x

Tigsteroonie

Hayles-honey, you know that I'm local. I've just finalised my divorce, so if you fancy a chat at any time about the process and help with the forms, I'm here for you I think you could probably divorce him on grounds of unreasonable behaviour (adultery is harder to prove unless he admits it). If you want to look into it, the Wikivorce website is really good.

I gather you might be going to a mutual friend's hen party in 4 weeks? Alas I've got something else on that day, so I can't come and be a hippy with the rest of you