Divorce,the house and my money

sue_sue_2

Hi all,

As some of you may know I split from my husband a few months ago (see: "Help, I dont want to move but my husband does") he did not bother to contact me or our kids until last week when I reieved at text from him saying that he wants to get married to his new girlfriend , I should sumbit the divorce petition so I can pay the fee, once this is all over the kids and I can have our own life and he can have his.

Ive since been to see a Divorce lawyer, who said as our house is a joint ownership, it should be sold (fine), the morgate cleared and then anything left split fifty/fifty. My problem with this is, It was me who payed the deposit on the house and has paid most of the morgate and all of it since he left, so is there anyway I could get more than 50 percent ?

Also my husband basically threw his money away, whereas Ive saved all my life and have about 35K, can he get some of this as I was saving whilst we were married ?

Also, When our children were born I set up a savings acount for them and have added to It every month since then. There is also quite large sums of money in these acounts. He did not contribute but can he get any of this ? I would be gutted If the money I was saving for them went to him.

I know I should have asked the lawyer these questions and I will however I was so confused by everything he was saying I didnt have a chance to digest the information.

Apologies for the way I worded this,

Thanks

elisebutt65

A) get a better solicitor; one who is willing to put up a fight for your house
if he wants a divorce so badly, let him apply for it.

[Deleted User]

I believe that in general during marriage any assets acquired (incl. money saved) just like liabilities are equal responsibilities. This is because marriage requires sacrifices to be made, presents new options and people make specific choices based on the assumption their marriage is forever. Arguing that you put that money into an account so it's yours doesn't really work because it's plausible that the reason you were able to save that money is because your husband took on the responsibility of paying the bills, or that he spent money because he believed you were saving. Most people would not expect one person in a marriage to be saving money alone.

You could walk away with everything from the marriage if your husband agrees to it, you could say to him that you're okay to sign the divorce papers and deal with the costs etc. if he agrees that what he takes from the marriage is what he put in (eg: a share of what he paid towards the mortgage, any money he saved). This includes pensions, by the way.

If your divorce is not amicable and ends up in front of a judge you may well find that everything is split 50 / 50 however there's no law mandating that there is an even split. If your husband accepts that he doesn't have any claim to your money or the home beyond the 40% or whatever he contributed to you may well get to keep what you believe to be yours.

DKLS

Get a better solicitor who will tear him apart and ensure you get a better cut. Do not go for mediation go for the jugular.

This_Year

I remember that thread. After the way he treated you, what's the rush?

I wouldn't be in any hurry to sort this out. You must have something more important to do.

fluffnutter

DKLS wrote: »

Get a better solicitor who will tear him apart and ensure you get a better cut. Do not go for mediation go for the jugular.

Yeah, 'cos that will be great for the kids won't it.

Getting a solicitor who will help you fight for what's reasonable given your extra input, OP, is one thing. Not making efforts to converse sensibly and amicably with your ex is another thing altogether. You both have to maintain a good relationship for the sake of your children.

Why do you have to set the divorce in motion, OP? And why do you have to pay? He wants to get remarried - let him sort it out.

Dunroamin

What paperwork do you have in place regarding the fact that you paid the deposit?

pops5588

My parents divorce settlement definitely wasn't a 50/50 split (after 17 years of marriage) if that reassures you at all, but a lot of different factors were taken into account. It was my father's "unreasonable behaviour" that was agreed on the paperwork and because he wanted to "go for the jugular" the judge ultimately penalised him for his behaviour. He refused to mediate, he kept messing with the sale of the house in an attempt to make us homeless, he attempted to hide savings and started a custody battle over just one of his children (not me) etc.

This kind of behaviour is generally frowned upon (although unfortunately if it gets that far it does largely depend on what judge you end up in front of on the day). My mother ended up with all the equity from the house sale (she was told she could stay in the house if she wanted to but we decided a fresh start somewhere new would be better) and she was also awarded maintenance payments for herself as well as for me and my sister until we completed A Levels.

That being said, the amount of money that was spent on solicitors was insane. And as a child, it was a very painful experience. But good luck. I didn't see your initial thread so don't know the context of the situation but it sounds like he's....quite something.....

Surfbabe

If he wants a divorce so he can marry his girlfriend then let him instigate proceedings. That is what I did 30 years ago. He was desperate to remarry and as he no grounds to divorce me, he had to wait the two years. It didn't matter to me, but I wasn't going to pay for something that he wanted.

princeofpounds

My problem with this is, It was me who payed the deposit on the house and has paid most of the morgate and all of it since he left, so is there anyway I could get more than 50 percent ?

The starting point for asset division is 50/50 (although there are plenty of caveats around that). So no, this is not likely to help.

However, as you have children you might be able to get an occupation order that would allow you to live in the house until they reach their majority, even if you don't own all of it.

If your lawyer isn't discussing such options then I'd be concerned, even if you aren't planning to go for them.

Also my husband basically threw his money away, whereas Ive saved all my life and have about 35K, can he get some of this as I was saving whilst we were married ?

Yes, all assets are likely to be split, although that does not mean each individual asset is split 50/50 but the total amount will be. He may have built up some pension benefits which should also be included in any calculations.

Also, When our children were born I set up a savings acount for them and have added to It every month since then. There is also quite large sums of money in these acounts. He did not contribute but can he get any of this ? I would be gutted If the money I was saving for them went to him.

I think if they are genuinely the beneficiaries he shouldn't be able to claim the money as his own, but you might need to pay attention to the way it is held - he will remain a parent of the children and may have access to it on that basis.

I would also add that if you choose to lock away savings for the kids, putting it in cash for 10+ years is not likely to be a sensible thing. It will be eroded by inflation.

richardvc

Your ex sounds a real lovely sort !

I have no advice to give you apart from if he wants a divorce then he can sort it all out.

I wish you the best of luck.