Opinions please?

melancholly

i think your OH should speak to him as well. what you agreed to is very different from what has happened and perhaps it could be suggested that for next year, a more formal arrangement needs to be made. he should be contributing to your bills at the very least. i realise that he doesn't have much money, but if he's staying at your house more than his, he's pushing his luck.

alternatively, mention the window again, and then if it happens once more, give him a final warning?

ailuro2

ailuro2 wrote: »

Originally he said it would be a couple of nights a week for six weeks at the start of term. It was more like three or four nights,and has now developed into one night a week, about 4 weeks in a row every second or third month.Same again next year.

He's here one night a week for four to six weeks in a row then we don't see him again for a few weeks, then it's for another run of one night a week for four to six weeks and so on...it was only at the start of term he was here for longer.

Another bee in my bonnet that DH thinks is alright is our visitor knows he will be here on a fairly regular basis, but brings a toothbrush and deodorant with him each time...OK, I do know he has to travel light but surely he could bring his own soap(yuk-I don't use it after he has-I'm a bit funny that way:o ),toothpaste, shampoo etc and leave it behind for next time. Instead of using ours. Maybe he's been spending too much time on MSE:money: Maybe he will start a 'free toiletries and B&B' thread:rotfl:

I have no plans to wake up a nearly bare man with a cup of tea- if I don't do it for my DH I ain't doing it for him.

Angel777

No you are NOT being melodramatic.

It is really good of you and your family to allow him to stay there.

This is your home a place where you should feel safe secure and relaxed an i can imagine how worried you must be incase this happens again.

I think it isa difficult situation, do you not want him to stay for so long? Is a whole week too much?

I think you should have a chat with your husband and tell him to tell his mate!

Good luck.

misty

I couldn't be doing with someone staying on a semi reg basis but it's different when it is your friend. I guess your husband may find it annoying but doesn't want to fall out with his friend over it. Can you find out how long his course is going on for? It's not long until the summer holidays and you will have a good couple of months free.

As for the window - leave a piece of A4 taped to the window with SHUT ME written on it.

liney

If he stays so infrequently could you just lock the window and keep the key on the landing the nights he stays so you have it in emergencies? If i stay at a friends i leave the window open to air to room, although i have never had to lock up.

You are doing him a great favor, and he should remember, but as it's your husband's friend i would make an effort not to fall out over it.

ailuro2

In the 12 years my husband and I have been together we have seen the guy four times before this year - they never phoned each other,he sent an occasional e-mail update to a list of people when him and his wife went round the world for a year.

They were friends way back in school-but that's well over twenty years ago. Personally I wouldn't feel comfortable using a friendship that dated for something like this- perhaps he just thinks we don't use the room and it sits there empty- no,our spare room gets used for ironing,storing laundry,all of my clothes are in there,dh sleeps in it when he has been to the pub,or if one of us is ill we sleep in it.
So it still needs emptied,tidied and clean sheets on it every week he comes.

Add to that no 'cuddling' :kisses2: (my rule) while we have house guests and it just slips downhill a little more.


Good idea about leaving the key on the landing -thanks Liney- that is a compromise I'd be willing to trade for peace of mind while I am at work.
I have locked the windows and put the key on the sill before but he just used it to open the window.:rolleyes:

AnnieH

The more you post ailuro, the more it sounds that this 'friend' is totally taking the mickey.

I would never abuse someone's hospitality like that and I'm frankly amazed at people who would for the sake of an old friendship. What does your husband say about it? Or is he just a "quiet life" typical bloke?

ailuro2

Yes, we are both 'quiet life' folk- I really can't remember the last time we argued- we did get quite close to it the other day when I said to him about the window and he accused me of being melodramatic,but he came back a minute later with the phone and said he'd text him as it simply wasn't on- we went on to have a chat about how hard we work for our nice little home,and how it means so much to us,even though it's not the biggest or the best it is ours and a lot better (and happier) than what either of us grew up in.

AnnieH

Could you not sit down and discuss possible (even if untrue) monetary difficulties with your "friend" and ask him if he would be willing to pay a small contribution to housekeeping, as you're struggling finacially, and although you are happy to help him out, the ends just aren't meeting???

Maybe that might put him off a bit ..

ailuro2

Um, we're off to Canada on holiday in a couple of months, so he has probably worked out we're not short of money.

Maybe we should just start 'cuddling'- the noise might keep him awake :rotfl: