Opinions please?

ailuro2 · 25 May 2007 at 7:37AM

My DH's friend from school (they are 38yo now) comes to stay with us while he studies in our city- the course didn't start for another year on his side of the country.Before he started the course we saw him about once every three years,if that.

Originally he said it would be a couple of nights a week for six weeks at the start of term. It was more like three or four nights,and has now developed into one night a week, about 4 weeks in a row every second or third month.Same again next year.

He gives us no money for this, but does bring the occasional book or DVD for our DD.

My question is- for the fourth time yesterday,we left the house early in the morning, left him with a key to lock the door behind him as we would be gone all day, and he locked the door but left the spare room window open:eek: It is above a flat roof which is very easily accessible-heck,even I could climb up there! We have already told him many times to shut the darn window.

I wanted to text him,tell him the house had been burgled/ransacked and insurers wouldn't cover any damage because we had failed to make house secure. Let him sweat for a couple of minutes then send another saying close the darn window!!

DH told me not to be so melodramatic and sent him a text telling him he'd left the window open- his reply? Sorry-I meant to close it.:mad:

Am I being melodramatic, what would everyone here do?

AnnieH · 25 May 2007 at 7:51AM

No you're not being melodramatic. You are quite right that insurance probably wouldn't pay out if you had got burgled, and then where would you be???

That is not on, but as it's your OH's friend, it could cause tension between the 2 of you if you let it.
Let him have a word with his friend, and try and get across how serious it is, and then if he doesn't do anything, maybe you would need to rethink your hospitality.

poe.tuesday · 25 May 2007 at 8:30AM

it's your home and if he wants to stay in it then he must do so by your rules, you must lay the lay down with him, and if your OH satys you are not to aks him who he would prefer to have in the house, you or the mate ;-)

Smashing · 25 May 2007 at 8:48AM

Your house, your rules.

Honestly, he sounds like he has gotten a bit too comfortable and casual about the situation - he is a guest above all and should have the courtesy not to make a nuisance of himself.

Justie · 25 May 2007 at 8:51AM

seperate the two issues

it seems that the bigger issue is that he stays so often and offers no money or anything to show his gratitude - not only is this an imposition on your family time it's also very rude. You and your OH need to discuss what you're comfortable with - if you actually don't want him to stay then you need to say so, if you don't mind him staying but would prefer it to be less frequently then you need to say that and if you don't mind him staying but feel he should be paying you for it then you need to say that. That way you and your OH can work out between you what you're comfortable with and then you/he need to tell the friend. What you don't want to do is to let resentment brew and to then have it affecting your relationship with your OH.
As for leaving the window open - if you know he does it often then close it before you leave otherwise you'll never have peace of mind.

Elsiesgirl · 25 May 2007 at 9:14AM

Justie you are so right.

Acc72 · 25 May 2007 at 11:43AM

I also agree with Justie.

Although I agree about the window, it looks as though the underlying problem (i.e. this person staying in your house) is the actual issue.

You need to be clear what the problem is - is it that he does not pay money, or that you don't want him staying in your house, or is it that he leaves the window open.

You then need to be honest with your partner - before this starts to affect your relationship - and then he / both can be honest with your "guest".

ailuro2 · 25 May 2007 at 11:47AM

He is still asleep when we leave in the morning- we leave at 7:30 he doesn't need to be up until 8, I did say to OH I'd thought about kicking him out at the same time as us...like you would with a teenager who couldn't be trusted to lock up :rolleyes:

I don't really mind him not paying, his wife only works a few hours a week and he is on a training allowance of around £6k a year so he can't afford to pay for anything else.

I do not share my private space well, I have to admit, since we originally thought it was only for a few weeks I thought I could handle it.

I agree about not letting the resentment build up.

ailuro2 · 25 May 2007 at 11:58AM

p.s. we can't lock the windows and take away the keys because that is our fire exit room- because it is so easy to jump out of the window without any long drops it's our 'get out, stay out' route.

Sarahjovi · 25 May 2007 at 2:25PM

Perhaps you should wake him up with a cup of tea and shut the window, whilst you're in there! And if he asks what your doing, tell him, you're shutting the window, in case he forgets!

Sarah

belfastgirl23 · 25 May 2007 at 4:26PM

I'd keep well out of this and let your OH handle it. I sympathise with him a little bit because I did this lately in my own house - if you're rushing around it is easy to overlook something. I do think that your OH should have a talk with him about how long it's going to go on as well, but if I were you I'd keep out of it and let him handle it.