Been an idiot to my gf and want to say sorry

TomBowler

Long time lurker first time poster here.

I recently broke up with my gf. I've been doing some soul searching and thinking back over things and now I realize what an idiot I have been. We had arguments that at the time thought meant she was being selfish and thoughtless towards me. Thinking back over things I put myself in her place and I realize that I've been an absolute jerk to her. She deserved to be treated better.

I was a clingy idiot. Not at first but when things started to go wrong. She needed space but instead of giving it to her I would start emailing or texting her after a couple of days. I decided that whatever I did it made her unhappy so I ended things. She agreed with me that it was for the best but I did say to her that it was a shame we both felt we had to disappear forever. I sort of joked that we could at least stay in touch and chat about Game Of Thrones (our favourite show though we had a lot more in common than just that). I almost immediately regretted ending it. Stupid I know.

I thought it was all over but then barely 24 hours after the breakup I got an email from her saying "I suppose we could talk about Game of Thrones" and she talked about that and some other things in it. I replied yesterday. But what does this mean? Could it be she regrets the split too or do you think she just wants to be friends?

I've decided I want to apologise to her for the terrible way I've behaved towards her. I have also been working on my personality flaws such as the clinginess. I guess I want to ask her to consider trying again. I want her to realise though that it isn't that I feel I need her. It's because I want her back. I miss the person she is not just having a gf. I've resolved that stuff. I can function by myself and I've learned not to be a cling-on.

Would an apology letter be a good start or would that be clingy? It doesn't feel like it but hmmm I dunno. I will tell her I know I've been an idiot and that she was trying to save the relationship while I was being a clingy jerk. I want to say sorry regardless of whether she has me back.

She lives in another town so it's not like I can just be around and show her I've changed. I think I should apologize separately though. I don't want her to think I'm trying to persuade her to try again. It has to be because she wants to.

I just want to do the right thing and hopefully have the chance. Help?

BitterAndTwisted

Leave things as they are for a bit but continue with the chatty text messages. If she made the first approach there could be hope but if you push too hard you might push her away.

Also, if you really do think you have changed in such a short space of time with no outside help, you are probably deluding yourself. Acknowledging past errors doesn't mean you've changed.

*max*

If you are who I think you are (previous threads...), I think you would be a complete and utter fool trying to get back with her after you so recently broke up, and you've learned nothing from the massive amount of advice you were given here.

Apologies if it's not you...this just sounds terribly familiar!

Goldiegirl

Just let her make the running for the present.

If you go in with a full blown apology letter she might think it's to much.

You've said you've e been a clingy idiot, not giving her any space, so this is a chance to show you have really changed. Just let her contact you when she wants.

Springbean

Just keep up the nice and chatty texts, keep it light and let her come to you.

Sending an apology letter sounds quite needy/begging and too heavy right now, especially when she has previously asked for space.

claire16c

Are you sure you haven't posted on here before about this? If you haven't and you're someone new there is a thread on this very topic, perhaps you could find it in the search box. Unfortunately I can't remember the name of it perhaps someone else will.

marisco_2

Your girlfriend agreed with you when you told her that it would be best for the two of you to part. A decision that you immediately felt uneasy about. When a relationship ends one or both parties often need some time by themselves. I think you had resigned yourself to this happening, whilst hoping that at some point in the future she may wish to be friends and get in touch with you again. It is natural then that you are feeling confused that she has contacted you so quickly. This has no doubt made you question what her true feelings about you are.

Unless she is making it obvious that she wishes you hadn't split up then dont read to much into this. To be thinking of asking her to consider trying again at this stage is a bad idea and could push her away for good. Instead in a couple of weeks or so you could say sorry and that there are things you regret. Tell her that you have had some time to think things through, reflect and can now see where she was coming from and that you accept you could have handled things much better.

Dont bring any other emotion into it or make any suggestion about what you would like to happen. Show her that you are not clingy and are willing to leave the ball in her court. If she wants to act on any feelings she has for you she can choose to without feeling pressured. You will also avoid coming across as needy and clingy which is not an attractive trait in guys to any woman.

Tiglath

Are you the chap who was going to give numerous Valentines presents over a couple of weeks to his ex-girlfriend in an effort to get her back? I apologise if you're not, because he came across as a bit of a stalker, to be honest.

Calien27

Tiglath wrote: »

Are you the chap who was going to give numerous Valentines presents over a couple of weeks to his ex-girlfriend in an effort to get her back? I apologise if you're not, because he came across as a bit of a stalker, to be honest.

That's the first thing that I thought of when I read the OP's post!

Carl31

No offence dude, but you havent changed, you have just come on here so you can justify your next attempt at clingyness

If you had any sense, you would let the dust settle, let both you and your ex live life alone for a while then reconsider your position

TomBowler

I think you all have me confused with someone else? I was still with my gf at Valentines and that was my first post on here!