Advice

ecgirl07

superpennycounter wrote: »

It doesn't happen every day or week - just every so often - I just don't understand why he gets so annoyed/angry/upset over things - they aren't even important things.

have a look at what happens in the run up to these incidents. what are his triggers? is it him responding to certain things? certain phrases you say, things not going exactly to a pre-planned plan?

if so you can work out what they are.

ive figured there is a turn of phrase that triggers a teenage response from oh - and now i know this its kind of amusing and i dont take him seriously when he gets mad.

abailey54

Hi OP, does dh have 'issues'? If something blew up on the way to his parents' house, could there be a trigger for something there?

I ask because this is similar behaviour to mine, he has PTSD and there are certain people who really flick his switches relating to his trauma. He goes from 0 to hysterical really quickly and sometimes it seems that his behaviour is way overboard for the reality of the situation. It is only through us working really hard to learn to communicate and his counselling that he is able to explain to me (and for me to understand) why it is so important that he has a stand off with X and not be so polite to X

If there are some unresolved issues there, perhaps encouraging him to seek some help would free you up to not feel so worried about him if you left?

I can totally relate to the safety issue as my dh also would not physically hurt a fly but can also get so emotional. I can understand how tiring it can be when someone else is snapping up all the emotional space (lucky for me I've done this from time-to-time too so we're more than even)

coolcait

superpennycounter wrote: »

Hi Guys

I need some advice. I have been with my OH for 13 years, married for 7 years. Thing is I really don't like my husband but I do love him - does that make sense.

I am a very relaxed, positive person, takes a lot to get me angry and just like to go with the flow but I am not a push over. However OH is constantly blowing up over the stupidest of things and it really upsets me to the point of causing me to vomit. When I am stressed my stomach turns hence throwing up or having to run very quickly to the bathroom. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells.

We had a big blow up just after Christmas - we were going to his parents and he was basically driving like a complete idiot and had scared me. I managed to hold it in until we arrived at his parents and let rip - I basically told him that I was very close to getting a taxi to the station and going home and when he got there I and the cats (they are my babies as I can't have children) would be gone. He got very upset and said he was sorry. But the thing is it keeps happening. I would point out he has never ever been violent towards me - it would be the last thing he ever did if he was.

Is there something missing from the story?

Your first paragraph is all about your OH 'blowing up' over things, which upsets you to the point of vomiting.

The second paragraph is about you 'blowing up' at him over something, threatening to leave him, taking your 'babies' with you, and him getting very upset and saying sorry.

How are the two paragraphs connected?

tayforth

ecgirl07 wrote: »

have a look at what happens in the run up to these incidents. what are his triggers? is it him responding to certain things? certain phrases you say, things not going exactly to a pre-planned plan?

if so you can work out what they are.

ive figured there is a turn of phrase that triggers a teenage response from oh - and now i know this its kind of amusing and i dont take him seriously when he gets mad.

It's one thing to be sensitive to things that wind your OH up mildly, and quite another to be in fear of them blowing up to the extent that they will endanger your life while in a car.

paulineb_2

superpennycounter wrote: »

Hi Guys

I need some advice. I have been with my OH for 13 years, married for 7 years. Thing is I really don't like my husband but I do love him - does that make sense.

I am a very relaxed, positive person, takes a lot to get me angry and just like to go with the flow but I am not a push over. However OH is constantly blowing up over the stupidest of things and it really upsets me to the point of causing me to vomit. When I am stressed my stomach turns hence throwing up or having to run very quickly to the bathroom. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells.

We had a big blow up just after Christmas - we were going to his parents and he was basically driving like a complete idiot and had scared me. I managed to hold it in until we arrived at his parents and let rip - I basically told him that I was very close to getting a taxi to the station and going home and when he got there I and the cats (they are my babies as I can't have children) would be gone. He got very upset and said he was sorry. But the thing is it keeps happening. I would point out he has never ever been violent towards me - it would be the last thing he ever did if he was.

I am just so tired of it all and don't have the energy to carry on. I feel like he is sucking the lifeforce out of me. Thing is I am worried that if I leave him, would he be alright? I know that sounds silly but I do care about him. In fact I am crying whilst I am writing this. I am lucky in the fact that if I need to I can move home to my parents (even though I'm 37). It just feels all so complicated.

I know that no one can make this decision for me but I just needed to talk to someone

Thanks for listening. x

Get some counselling or encourage him to get some counselling, because theres obviously stuff going on with him that needs fixed. Either that or suggest he gets some anger management support.

megan01

I'm really tired and have an exam in the morning but couldnt go to bed without replying to this. I have had anxiety and panic attacks stemming from being raped and an abusive ex. Although I couldn't see that he was abusive at the time, I thought he was well within his rights to act that way, and I turned a blind eye to it all, but now I can look back at it all and realise how abusive he was, and I am drawing some instant parallels here, biggest one that sticks out is driving in an endangering manner so that you are scared, scared for your life. No nice caring person would endanger someone elses life like that. I know theres plenty more to talk about but I just want you to think about that.

podperson

Can you sit down with him when he's calm and talk about how much his oubursts upset you - to the point where you are considering leaving him over him. I'm not saying this is an excuse but if this is the way he has always reacted he may not realise the extent to which it's affecting you.
If you think you may be able to work things out then ask him to get some help with this issue - he could look into counselling if it may stem from an underlying issue or anger management sessions. My OH used to have 'blow ups' which were directly related to his anxiety disorder, he struggled to deal with some situations in a 'normal' manner so it would come out as stressing/anger.

stir_crazy

coolcait wrote: »

Is there something missing from the story?

Your first paragraph is all about your OH 'blowing up' over things, which upsets you to the point of vomiting.

The second paragraph is about you 'blowing up' at him over something, threatening to leave him, taking your 'babies' with you, and him getting very upset and saying sorry.

How are the two paragraphs connected?

I too think there is something missing here?
I don't understand the connection between the stories that you have told us- in the first paragraph he overreacts when he gets angry but in the second you have told us that you threatened to leave him because of his bad driving scaring you?

ETA, I'm sorry if this might not come across the right way, I dont mean to sound flippant or anything like that, I genuinely don't get the whole picture.