Panic - Family Wedding abroad!!

FlipFlop23

Hello, after being a serial lurker on this page for over a year, and taking on board many tips and advise, i now have reached the time when i need it myself! Perhaps not tips but reassurance, dont know how anything is going to get us out of this one!!

My beautiful sister, who i love to bits has just got engaged, and i couldnt be happier, however she has also announced she is getting married in her fiances homeland (far more exotic, cant blame her!) Yes i was expecting this but though i would have a couple of years notice, no NEXT SUMMER!!!!!!
Im now sat here crying my eyes out in sheer panic! Me and my husband have about 30k debt, we have just taken the very brave step of contacting CAP and have a meeting with them in July, but we have No spare money to save, to top it all im leaving my job in august to become a student, so will be struggling on just one income!!

What on earth do I do, I told her it will be tough for me to save, i will have no job etc, and she says it wont be that much as can stay with family etc, but even flights for 3 of us we are looking about 2000, and cant even begin to imagine where we will get that from, then hen party, clothes etc.

Plus my husbands sister is getting married in the easter, so hotels, outfits etc for that!

Just dont know what to do!!?

skylight

Then tell her all that; not just its going to be difficult for you - explain why. Tell her that you are really disappointed that you and yours cannot go but she is going to have a fantastic time and you will obviously be at the hen do and will help her wherever you can.

Perhaps you could be there via the internet and webcams?

I think the problem comes that your OH sister is getting married too. At least that can be done cheaply, but it may cause resentment if you dont get the understanding bit in now. ("How come she can afford £XY for her wedding but can't manage £XX for mine?)

I don't envy you. I had similar problem many years back, sadly with a bridezilla on now ex-OHs side who thought that everything was for her and only her on her big day. And an ex-MIL who backed her all the way... We didn't go!


(Of course, I am assuming here that actually you are not going! Unless you wanted advice as how to do it cheaply???)

angelpye

How about hosting a party upon their return for all those who couldn't make it? Whilst still costing food and drinks it won't cost anywhere near as much as going and you would be showing how much you care and that it is significant but you just can't make it, rather than don't want to. Saving a few hundred for a party is much more achievable I am guessing?

cutestkids

I think you need to tell exactly what you have written here, that you are in serious debt and have taken the decision to do something about it so you can not afford to go abroad.

As an aside I think the current trend for getting married or having a hen or stag do abroad is a bit selfish, the bride expects that her close family and friends will go but in many cases it is just not possible.

I hope that your sister will accept that you can not manage and also see that there is a big difference between having to pay out £2000 for flights to her wedding is very different to being able to go to your SIL big day.

butler_helen

cutestkids wrote: »

I think you need to tell exactly what you have written here, that you are in serious debt and have taken the decision to do something about it so you can not afford to go abroad.

As an aside I think the current trend for getting married or having a hen or stag do abroad is a bit selfish, the bride expects that her close family and friends will go but in many cases it is just not possible.

I hope that your sister will accept that you can not manage and also see that there is a big difference between having to pay out £2000 for flights to her wedding is very different to being able to go to your SIL big day.

Completely agree.

I have had to be really open recently and kindly tell people I just can't afford their hen weekend in xyz holiday location or their £3900 per couple (seriously) Maldives wedding! Most were quite understanding about it and are having something smaller at home.

I've still given gifts and thoughtful messages but I just can't be there in person. I would fully understand if my sister told me she couldn't come (to anything) due to budgets.

Dovah_diva

It's a shame but you can't afford to go to your sister's wedding. I didn't go to my sister's wedding as she was marrying in Florida. You might be able to afford your sister-in-law's wedding, but no new outfits and a cheap Travelodge will be the order of the day.

You need to tell your sister honestly.

Bella73

I think you need to tell her what you've told us.

wannabee_in_credit

I agree with the other posters who have said that getting married abroad is a bit selfish. I would imagine that if your sister has chosen to get married overseas then she must also be able to accept that many people won't be able to attend.
My sister's fiance's brother got married last year in Cyprus - they couldn't afford to go, but the brothers' parents ended up paying so as not to disappoint.... their choice, but my sister was happy enough to say no. Thankfully, she has chosen to get married less than 5 miles from home.
We've also been invited to a wedding at the opposite end of the country at the end of the year - my husband's best friend. I was very open and told him that we couldn't afford it. The couple have come back to us and offered us free accommodation for the weekend. We're still thinking about that.
Be open. There may be some deal to be had - otherwise your sister needs to accept your decision, and your reasons for it.

Daedalus

Speak to your family, your parents may help out. Or, alternatively, what about speaking with your partner about just you going? I am sure he would understand how important it is to you to be there. The third being your child? I am sure they wouldn't mind too much.

Building_Surveyor

Can't you just go as an alternative rather than 3 of you if you really don't want to miss out?

dedoledo

its always hard when people choose to get married abroad, there's always an expectation that people want to spend their holidays going to the wedding.