I dont want to feel sad anymore!

gettingbackontrack

I couldn't read and not post. I just wanted to say - hang in there. It does get better, truly, and when you do come to the end you will have such a fantastic life with your heads held high and the knowledge that you can control your money, sort out your priorities and show your children a brilliant example.

You will be a better person at the end of it (though to be honest, you sound like a pretty fabulous person right now!:)).

I've been paying off my debts for six years and it's between one and three years until my journey ends, depending on my job situation. When I started out with £53,000 of debt on a £30,000 salary (and single) I don't think I ever imagined I could pay it off. It just seemed impossible but, like you, I believe that I borrowed the money and should pay it back.

What changed for me, and I hope it will for you too, was when I did the StepChange Debt Remedy online a few months ago. For the first time I realised I could afford full payments to my creditors officially (rather than having to live on the breadline to do so) so wasn't really eligible for a DMP anymore. It felt like a second light-bulb moment because suddenly I realised I had paid most of it off. I owe just over £10,000 which is still a lot of money but compared with where I was, it feels entirely different.

You will get there, too. Suddenly, you too will have turned a corner and be on that downward stretch.

Can I say I found your post - and the wonderful replies - quite moving. Last night I had a run-in with someone on bankruptcy board who told me that trying to avoid paying creditors was as normal as wanting a better deal in the supermarket and that "integrity is a thing of the past". That quite upset me but seeing your heartfelt, honest post this morning and the helpful replies from the other amazing people has restored my faith.

So thank you for that. You have made me feel less alone and I hope all the support here will do the same for you.

x

PS The diary section is a great way of getting and receiving long-term support, There are fabulous and inspiring people in there too.:)

davenport151

wannabee_in_credit wrote: »

I don't think that people who are not in debt (or not dealing with it) fully understand how hard it is, budgeting and making every last penny count. I was saying to my sister a few weeks ago that I really wished I could get an ipad, and she just came out with 'I have an ipad'. They have a combined income of less than £15000 a year - so I have no idea how she can afford it. But as my mother says, if you're not in debt then you can afford to do things like that.
:T

Actually I do. I think its called living to what you can afford. I have not been in debt, I can't afford an ipad (actually I don't want one). But all my pennies are spoken for. I save some each month (for yearly expenses). I know what i have to spend. If I want to save for something it comes out of my spend budget at the cost of something else. Its another lesson on budgeting. I know what I have to spend each month and its certainly not frivilous. I now get a kick out of not spending/wanting stuff. Amazing what you can do for free, on the cheap or with the help of offers/vouchers.
Good luck to all of you.
Cookiecat I am the same age as you and believe me I am still learning. I have only just begun to start putting money aside.

Indeed thats why I come on here to be with like minded people. Who don't throw their money away and consider where it goes.

Cookiecat_2

Hey there to you all, so many of you, what wonderful posts!! Thank you thank you!!!

I feel truly uplifted reading all your wonderful thoughts, and advice over my rather strong cup of coffee, tad too much red wine last night, hope I didn't sound too crazy!

Gallygirl, thank you for your amazing post, and your fantastic suggestions, I do feel empowered in my better moments, I know one day I will feel glad that this has happened to us, and in due course it will all be part of the rich experience of our life. There no way I ever ever want to return to the hell of telephone harassment, I was told this would happen, but the experience was far worse than I had ever imagined, and that is even without answering the calls!! To this day I now dont like to answer the phone, and operate call screening, my family get annoyed by this, but they truly have no idea what it was like day and night for months!! I am visualising right now....... I will make sure I do this daily from now on!! ...........................................................................


Thank you angelpye for your words of wisdom, I think like you I may be an emotional spender too, (and eater sadly) trouble is you don't know you have a problem until its too late, at least I know now, I guess, and am trying to do something about it. Its the guilt I find so hard to bear.

Hi wannabee I do believe that there is a possibility our circumstances may change, I still have some lee way with the childcare bill, and can in due course reduce this, also possibility of more hours at work, although resisting this for now, as only feel I am just about coping at the mo. I now have a glimmer of understanding that wanting a certain lifestyle, or having a certain product is not a right or a given. You can live without these things, and with the right mind set they can make no difference to your life experience or wellbeing (I am working hard on my mind set). Its the children wanting all the ipads, wii u's etc, etc, that completely does me in. My eldest simply can not comprehend why we don't have an ipad, and why we cant do all the same things as his friends... how can this be explained to a child? For Christmas I managed with help from my family (DH family have no idea so we still have to maintain a facade, that's another story) to get a great second hand deal on a wii, but now it appears it need to be upgraded!!! Of course i have said no, I feel so angry with all the marketing, and advertising directed at children, it seems every 6 months there is the new latest thing, set to torment them and the poor parents if they cant have it!!

Thank you Bevan for sharing your experience, it has helped me feel less alone it it lovely to know that there are so many of us walking down the same road right now. Gettingback on track, your situation sounds similar to ours, and you have inspired me that you are tackling it on your own, and getting through it! I like the idea of suddenly turning that corner and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. At the moment our tunnel is a long dark echoy place!!

Thank you all so much C x

antonic

I was in the same place as you Cookie, 89 months ago,

I now have 2 weeks to go till I`m DF (see my sig details).

You can get to the land of DF, just like I have.

Well done and I hope you get there !

newroadahead

Hi Cookiecat and welcome
I have been reading the start of your journey and along with others I am sure we can all relate to how you are feeling, I know I can
I am almost four years into my DMP and would be lying if I said it had been an easy journey but it has been a necessary one and like everyone on here I cant wait for that elusive debt free day
I wish you every success and I know all the great people on here will always be on hand to help
Good luck

NRA xx

PinotGrigio41

Didnt want to read and run Cookie. You have had some amazing advice already, so I wont echo what has already been said.

You are well and truly not alone in this. The amount of debt, the way you feel at times, up and then down, the need to Keep Up Appearances , the reason for the debt in the first place etc etc . These stories have been told time and time again and to feel as though there are people here who really do truly understand how you feel is wonderful.

My situation has some similarities to yours. An IVA or Bankruptcy were the solutions that we were being directed towards but like you those options werent for us. So we now find us on a very bumpy journey to repay. But repay it we will, through grit determination tears and laughter. I have no idea of my DFD date its far too scary to contemplate, the original date given to me was in 30 years time, now I don't even bother thinking about it.One thing I do know is that the day will come.

In a strange way this whole situation has made me a far better person and has actually been a godsend. I know that sounds odd, but it really does give you a different mindset and outlook on life. You can still have fun, still treat yourself time again and I can guarantee you will meet some amazingly wonderful people if you hang out on here long enough. The nicest bunch of people I have ever " met" .

Please keep posting and take care.

Mrs PG xxx

Hillbilly1

Well done CC, and everyone here giving support. You've done well so far, its a long road, but you can do it.

Saddened by the OP mentioning that integrity is gone and avoiding paying your debt is normal! Sadly have a friend who thinks this. Has avoided her debt, made poor life choices and pays nothing towards the debt. She really thinks it will never catch up with her!

You are on a far better road!

PinotGrigio41

Hillbilly1 wrote: »

Well done CC, and everyone here giving support. You've done well so far, its a long road, but you can do it.

Saddened by the OP mentioning that integrity is gone and avoiding paying your debt is normal! Sadly have a friend who thinks this. Has avoided her debt, made poor life choices and pays nothing towards the debt. She really thinks it will never catch up with her!

You are on a far better road!

I think your friends are my friends Hillbilly !!! :rotfl:

angelpye

Glad you have been comforted by us OP. we all have moments of despair and the early hours are a time I often am awake anxious...last night I fell asleep reading on the forum as it comforts me when I get panicked. I find there are always people lurking on here whatever time of day so type if you need to - better to get it out!

This thread as always reminds me how fortunate we are to have a place to come when so many things are unspeakable in the real world.

I joined a challenge on here more for the company and consistent support than the reward of reaching the targets although I have to say the targets help me keep on the right road and its nice to have cheerleaders in good and bad times.

Just keep swimming...

WifeandMummy

Hi CookieCat - Welcome to the boards. Whether your having an up or down day there is always someone around to talk to. Well done to the changes you have made so far and heres to the next seven years! xx