Worried about 5 year old

saving123

She doesn't have a tv in her room but does have toys. However when I put her in her room she does seem to just stay sitting on her bed and not try to play with the toys etc. I tried the naughty step but she just kept getting off it. Now the rule tends to be if she is on the naughty step and gets off it she will be put in her room (not sure why she stays there but not on the step).

Own_My_Own

saving123 wrote: »

She doesn't have a tv in her room but does have toys. However when I put her in her room she does seem to just stay sitting on her bed and not try to play with the toys etc. I tried the naughty step but she just kept getting off it. Now the rule tends to be if she is on the naughty step and gets off it she will be put in her room (not sure why she stays there but not on the step).

Maybe because you can see her on the step and not in her room. I am not implying she is up to something in her room. I think she is sorry for what she has done and just wants to be alone. She doesn't want you to see her being punished even though it was you that did the punishing.

mrsgreenwood_2

we are having the exact same trouble with our 6 yr old son. one min hes lovely the nxt hes a nightmare.

they have a cloud and sunshine system at school, and seems to be on the cloud quite a bit. other times teachers will ask him to do something, but he wont unless he has a teacher sit with him.

i feel like all i do is tell him off. he never seems to listen, and has trouble concentrating. i just dont know what to do???

saving123

thanks for all the advice. Its always good to have someone else give their opinions. thanks everyone

saving123

mrsgreenwood wrote: »

we are having the exact same trouble with our 6 yr old son. one min hes lovely the nxt hes a nightmare.

they have a cloud and sunshine system at school, and seems to be on the cloud quite a bit. other times teachers will ask him to do something, but he wont unless he has a teacher sit with him.

i feel like all i do is tell him off. he never seems to listen, and has trouble concentrating. i just dont know what to do???

I feel the same, its so hard

Own_My_Own

As hard as it is sometimes, try seeing the world through the eyes of a 5 year old. They are now at school and are big girls and boys not babies. (so we like to keep telling them). It is very hard to concentrate when there is so much out there to do. As my granddad use to whisper to us, rules are made for breaking, boundaries are made for pushing.

At the time it might seem they are just being naughty, but are they really ? Take a step back and look at what they are actually doing.

I look after a 5 year old boy who supposedly has problems, he behaves like any other 5 year old boy if the truth be told. You just need 4 sets of eyes. The world is a big play thing to him and he wants to play with all of it.

Part of the problem is that people expect him to be naughty, so he get told off for every little thing.
He mums cousin told him off for waving a hammer round a while ago. I told the cousin off for leaving the hammer lying around where the boy could get hold of it.

I am not saying that this is happening here, but as I said, taking a step back often helps.

gibson123

She's five, she doesn't hate you, she hates the fact she has boundaries and is adapting to these. When she says that you hate her try saying this

But the thing is ... I really really love you, I always love you, even when you do things I don't like, no matter what you do I will always, always love you, you can't change that, no-one can, even superman couldn't change that, even batman or robin (put in whoever she hero worships) No matter what happens I will always love you, even if sometimes i don't like the way you behave, I will still love you.

z.n

Oh those were the days- it gets worse you know! These are a few ideas from my experience.

When my son was misbehaving at school age 6 it was because he was being bullied- he felt overwhelmed and didn't know how else to express his distress. Children can be absolute horrors. Some enjoy the mayhem that results from the reaction of other kids and/or the lengths kids will go to in order to better fit in with the group. With girls it can be particularly subtle. Even at age 5!

Another possibility (son age 7) is that your daughter is quite simply bored with the lessons. I know it is non-pc and will offend some but brighter or old in their year kids not challenged by the earlier years curriculum can mess about and it can be hard for the teacher to keep them fully engaged. If she is top of the class and being naughty then this might be the problem as at age 5 she will not fully understand that other kids don't 'get it' as easily. The opposite can also be true- a late developer might not be able to engage with the lesson so ends up messing about because they feel bad/a bit lost.

It could also be that her attention span is a bit short- she gets bored waiting for the bit where they get up and do something. This should improve with age but you could try doing something slow with her like jigsaws- or quiet maths type games so she is better trained to sit still and quiet for longer. Reading a book to her where she has to listen for a certain time and then talk about just the book might help. Keep the tv time down and see if having something to fiddle with (worry bead idea) might help calm her. My daughter had a piece of fabric to substitute for the cuddly toy she couldn't take into school.

Assuming she is just testing boundaries, I would second the posters saying encourage the good, ignore the bad so far as possible. Make it worth her while to be good-bribery is to be encouraged! Think of it a bit like herding cats rather than controlling or rigidly ruling. Click and treat works for kids as well as dogs as well- immediate feedback and immediate reward/consequence. After all, how bad can the punishment be? If your daughter is as stubborn as mine then on a bad day she would cut off her nose to spite my face. I think it is fantastic she has such determination but it means punishments don't work, and never did- so I rely as much as possible on carrots. Easier all round and the good behaviour becomes a habit (hopefully.)

BTW all kids at some point say they hate you- and 30 seconds later they are back for a cuddle. Don't take it personally- when the frustration is too strong it has to come out somehow and it is a compliment to you that your daughter is confident enough in your love to say these nasty things to you- if she couldn't she might be saying them to herself. Be the rock she can lean on - the rock she knows loves her unconditionally (even if she has been naughty at school.)