Worried about 5 year old

saving123

I am really concerned about my daughters behaviour. At home she is really cheeky and tells us she hates us. Recently she has started getting in trouble at school. They have a system where if they are good they are on the smiley face. If they are a bit naughty they are on the sad face and if they are really naughty they go on a really sad face. She was always on the happy face but a couple of months ago her teacher spoke to me and said she had been on the sad face a few times. I spoke to my daughter and told her she needed to behave at school etc and we had a reward system which seemed to work and her behaviour improved. However last week I found out she had been on the sad face again and this week again too. Whereas before she seemed to regret it by the time she got home and seemed genuinely sorry, she now just laughs about it. I have been putting her in her room when she gets home as a punishment. There was also a party she wanted to go to and I had said if she misbehaved at school she wouldn't get to go so she wont be going to that either. I know when the party comes she will be bothered but just now doesn't seem to care. Me and my husband spend a lot of time playing with her and so I'm not sure where we are going wrong? The reasons she ends up on the sad face seems to be for either being silly or talking. Any advice would be appreciated?

krustylouise

Hi,

I too have a daughter who's 5 and we have been through something very similar. Unfortunately you are playing into this by giving her lots of negative attention. To me a child being naughty a couple of times is ok, after all they are 5. When I found out my daughter was on red (they have a traffic light system) I too did the same and was distraught thinking I must be doing something wrong but please remember your child is just that, a child. And as long as she knows wrong from right and her behaviour isn't anything like wielding scissors at another pupil or physically violent constantly, I think you should pick your battles.

She may just be finding her boundaries. Good luck x

mrcow

Who's she talking to? Can't the teacher move her next to someone who won't be a distraction for her?

saving123

Thanks - I feel like I go back and forth thinking whether to punish her or whether that is making the situation worse. Its her attitude - she can flick from one minute to the next. One minute she is being brilliant - so helpful, polite, kind, lovely to be around. The next minute she says she hates me or my husband or her brother etc.

aridjis

saving123 wrote: »

The reasons she ends up on the sad face seems to be for either being silly or talking. Any advice would be appreciated?

Aaaw, she's 5. Surely being silly and talking is just something kids do. It's more concerning that she's being rude to you at home and telling you she hates you. She should be disciplined for that.

krustylouise

saving123 wrote: »

Thanks - I feel like I go back and forth thinking whether to punish her or whether that is making the situation worse. Its her attitude - she can flick from one minute to the next. One minute she is being brilliant - so helpful, polite, kind, lovely to be around. The next minute she says she hates me or my husband or her brother etc.

Yes my daughter is exactly the same. I searched online when dd was t her worst and found a saying that helped. When dd did something like lash out at the cat I'd say "we don't do that" instead of "you don't do that" making her see that it isn't acceptable behaviour from anyone and most children want to emulate the behaviour of their adults. It does work with dd. don't get me wrong she can still be a little monkey but I ignore the slamming of doors etc so when I do raise my voice or do discipline over something it isn't just "mums at it again"

saving123

mrcow wrote: »

Who's she talking to? Can't the teacher move her next to someone who won't be a distraction for her?

I think it must have been when they were all sitting in a group together meant to be listening to the teacher.

saving123

I find in the house that when she starts to get over excited/silly - the only way to calm her down is to put her in her room for 5 minutes. When she is speaking to us in an unacceptable manor I have been putting in her room for that too. I never know if I am doing the right thing or making it worse. When I put her in her room she says things like " you really hate me that's why you are doing this" or "you wish I wasn't here" - I always just respond by saying we love you very much are sad that you are speaking to us/me like this so that is why I am putting you in your room. I feel she can be really angry and I don't know where that is coming from

go_cat

3 months ago I could have written this about our now 6 year old. He was suddenly getting into trouble at school for not sitting still and talking and not concentrating.

I probably went To the extreme but I confiscated his iPod which he used to play on as it made his listening and concentration a lot worse. I also put him on omega 3 supplements and told him they were to help him concentrate and sit still. I also reduced the amount of tv time he had and since all these things, his behaviour has improved ten fold. He started to get stickers regularly for good behaviour at school, etc was more attentive at home.

He still has days when he is a bit silly, and I am not sure if it is a stage they go through or if the changes I made had a real effect however I am sticking with them

Own_My_Own

saving123 wrote: »

I am really concerned about my daughters behaviour. At home she is really cheeky and tells us she hates us. Recently she has started getting in trouble at school. They have a system where if they are good they are on the smiley face. If they are a bit naughty they are on the sad face and if they are really naughty they go on a really sad face. She was always on the happy face but a couple of months ago her teacher spoke to me and said she had been on the sad face a few times. I spoke to my daughter and told her she needed to behave at school etc and we had a reward system which seemed to work and her behaviour improved. However last week I found out she had been on the sad face again and this week again too. Whereas before she seemed to regret it by the time she got home and seemed genuinely sorry, she now just laughs about it. I have been putting her in her room when she gets home as a punishment. There was also a party she wanted to go to and I had said if she misbehaved at school she wouldn't get to go so she wont be going to that either. I know when the party comes she will be bothered but just now doesn't seem to care. Me and my husband spend a lot of time playing with her and so I'm not sure where we are going wrong? The reasons she ends up on the sad face seems to be for either being silly or talking. Any advice would be appreciated?

Maybe at that age instant punishment is better than long term. At that age the only thing that matters is today. The party is in another universe to her at the moment.

If you really want to use the party, tell her she must get x amount of smiley faces at school. Although my dd is nearly 16 and still gets in trouble for chatting too much, so that may not work. A chatty child is a chatty teen, is a chatty adult.

I would be concerned about her being rude to you, but again an instant punishment would work best. Maybe a naughty step would work better than her room. Does she have a tv in her room or toys ? She may not see going there as a punishment.

Own_My_Own

saving123 wrote: »

I find in the house that when she starts to get over excited/silly - the only way to calm her down is to put her in her room for 5 minutes. When she is speaking to us in an unacceptable manor I have been putting in her room for that too. I never know if I am doing the right thing or making it worse. When I put her in her room she says things like " you really hate me that's why you are doing this" or "you wish I wasn't here" - I always just respond by saying we love you very much are sad that you are speaking to us/me like this so that is why I am putting you in your room. I feel she can be really angry and I don't know where that is coming from

She has just learning which buttons to push. She is angry because you are not responding in the manner she wishes. 5 year old are smarter than we think.

You are not a bad parent.