Is it wrong to use Children's savings...

loracan1

srcandas wrote: »

Can you give quotes from my posts where I have said £1500 will not impact the children's lives and where I have said Amber should do something illegal?

Possibly you have me confused with someone else or have missunderstood?

<sigh> The only comment I've made in this thread is on your apparent psychic abilities.

"I don't think anyone in here knows enough to be confident it's the right thing either way" from JohnRo....

"If your kids where adults they'd beg you to use the money." from yourself...that really is quite a leap isn't it?


Or are you confused?

srcandas

loracaqn1 these are comments from two distinct people so can't see why any leap is required

I think most opinions are valuable no matter how variant they are. I certainly value JohnRo's contributions along with many others. But we of course all have different views. However as long as we express them with kindness and good intentions that is the main thing.

Of course being a forum our posts are generalised. Unless the OP offers 'war and Peace' how could it be otherwise?

Perhaps I should have said 'most certainly' to allow for circumstances where children grow up with issues with their parents. But if that is the case then £1500 is the least of the issues. And from the OPs posts and my general desire to see good in people I feel my optimism well placed. After all within my experience I know of no children who would not desire to help their parents when the sole aim was to help them - but perhaps I have had a sheltered life

While I'd rather you picked up on those who assummed illegality when none is proven (another thread this morning demo's this odd habit in the second post!!) I will accept your chastisment in good spirits as I think you are probably a good egg (that conclusion based on assumptions of course)

bigadaj

Interesting moral debate, I wouldn't have a problem with this money being used if there is confidence in it being returned in the future.

The thing that concerns me more is theOPs apparent ability to manage money, I a, obviously generalising widely based on minimal information but the bit of evidence here shows continued and ongoing borrowing rather than investment for ultimate return, and children's money being used for this, rathe as a short term stop gap with ultimate repayment. Seems to me to be the real problem.

srcandas

bigadaj wrote: »

Interesting moral debate, I wouldn't have a problem with this money being used if there is confidence in it being returned in the future.

The thing that concerns me more is theOPs apparent ability to manage money, I a, obviously generalising widely based on minimal information but the bit of evidence here shows continued and ongoing borrowing rather than investment for ultimate return, and children's money being used for this, rathe as a short term stop gap with ultimate repayment. Seems to me to be the real problem.

bigadaj but all that happened when she had a partner. For sure a question for the OP to ask herself

dealer_wins

There is only one way to totally ensure that the money will be there for your children when they are older, and that is not to touch it.

You just have to forget it even exists, and manage/budget accordingly.

To take money that others have specifically gifted to someone else (ie your children), is morally and ethically very wrong IMO.

atush

Ok, here's my view (and i haven't read past page one because I don't want other people's prejudices and morals to affect things). There are a lot of people up on their high horses, flinging insults and making assumptions from what little i have read of this last page.

I am a mother of 3, and I take this VERY seriously. I have scrimped and saved in the past, and given them a good life incl a funded trip thru University.

Luckily for me, I found the right partner, married and then had children. I was lucky, in that I was never forced into the OP's predicament and had to make this choice.

If most of the money was given by your mother, discuss it with her. But I would be inclined to pay off the loan, and immediately set up a DD to repay this (plus say 3% interest) to the children. You were paying 190 per month, so could perhaps afford 20-25 per month to repay each child? This way you would have 140-150 extra wiggle room in your budget. The money would be repaid to your children incl interest within 2 years.

your children will not benefit from you falling behind in your bills, or from you being forced to take out another loan to put your flat on the market. The whole thing could collapse like a house of cards, although I am hoping and assuming their father will be contributing towards their upkeep.

Do go over to the budgeting and Debt forums and post an SOA and look into ways to cut your spending so you can repay them faster, plus build up an emergency fund for you and them and to perhaps fund putting the flat on the market in the near future.

What this thread does show, is that BTL is not a wise thing to do unless you have a large pot of other available cash and investments. But the OP is where they are, and unless she can borrow the sum from her family should probably take this route.

I am aware there may be legal issues, and we don't know all the facts here. but I also know, that unless she tells her ex and he complains, she will not be pulled up about this. I have moved money from my children's cash savings accounts (to invest in my case for their future) and was not asked a question about it.

Any

I can see this becoming Money moral dilemma of the week!!!:-)

tiger_eyes

I'm only here to comment on amberspyglass' excellent taste in books.

SevenOfNine

We have savings a/c's for our grandsons. I would absolutely NOT approve of any it being used to pay off the debt of either of their mother/father for the reasons you've given.

We have not worked and saved for them in order for the money to be 'borrowed' by parents to help pay off debt THEY have incurred.

With the best will in the world, you've said you'll repay it, but then how many more times will you feel you've yet another valid reason to borrow it again and again? Perhaps until there's a time you cannot repay it?

As the parent, you are in a position of trust regarding these savings, which you have said were family gifts and an inheritance to the children, it's not yours to borrow.

If you want the best view of your idea to 'temporarily' utilise your children's money, perhaps you should ask the 'givers' of their accumulated savings - and maybe the CAB regarding spending the part which is their inheritance, which could have legal ramifications should someone thoroughly disapprove of your actions if you 'borrow' that part.

Sounds like you have been a responsible parent thus far with these monetary gifts, tucking it away for your children to help them a bit later in life. Stay that way.

We saved for our sons, bits of Xmas and birthday money, their money. I can honestly say there was never a time or reason good enough for either of us to have 'borrowed' it - it never even crossed our minds. The same goes for our grandsons, we are joint a/c holders with them so no danger of parental 'borrowing' anyway.

Only you can do what you think is best though, the rest of us are just voicing opinions to be taken or ignored.

atush

We have savings a/c's for our grandsons. I would absolutely NOT approve of any it being used to pay off the debt of either of their mother/father for the reasons you've given.

And I suppose you would tell your daugther, who had been left by the father of her children to pay all the bills on her own. Which of course, is your right and I told the OP to ask her mother who gifted most of this money.

I would also think, as her parent you might help her out short term so she would not have to go down that route. Or at least lend her the 1000 quid needed to get a house sellers pack together to list the flat to be sold.

People can get all high and mighty and moral here, and I do too sometimes (esp with dead beat dads) but some practical advice might help over lashings of opprobrium.