Cohabiting and he wants to leave house to kids

headchef

I'm cohabiting with bf. Own the house as tenants in commmon so each has a percentage share of equity. It isn't 50:50 split and the other person does not inherit on the death of partner. I have no children and he has 2 (one each from previuos 2 marriages).
We need to make a will. He wants to leave his share to his children rather than me which would mean, if i survive him, moving out. My problem is i have nothing or no one else to help me out financially. He house is the only thing I have. I am currently paying the mortgage and bills as he is struggling to set up a business. I have no spare cash to pay into a pension and start savings.
His point of view is that it is the only thing he has to pass on to his kids. He does have a life insurance policy though and I'd assumed he would leave that to his children and leave his share of house to me. If I'm survivng partner I am happy to leave what I have to this children but he worries that might not happen for whatever reason (I guess that is a gut reaction from parents).
I want to resolve this issue in a decent and reasonable way. I want everyone to feel happy about the eventual outcome. If people think what he wants is fair then I need advice on how best to prepare for future (assuming I survive him!)

zzzLazyDaisy

My husband and I both had children from previous marriages. We wanted to make sure that the surviving spouse was protected, while ensuring that the children did not lose out. So we made 'mirror wills'. This meant that we each left everything to the other, but if the other had predeceased then the money was to be divided and left to the children (we specified the shares that each child was to have. I also left some to my nieces and nephews).

Of course this does depend on trust. There is nothing to stop the surviving spouse changing their will and leaving everything to Battersea Dog's home. But we did trust each other. Sadly the marriage ended and the house is up for sale - but if one of us died before the house is sold, I am confident that the other's wishes will still be carried out.

Of course he wants to take care of his kids. But surely he doesn't want to see you out on the street, either?

Good Luck

Debt_Free_Chick

headchef wrote:

He wants to leave his share to his children rather than me which would mean, if i survive him, moving out.

In practice, the property would be sold so you would have your share in cash and his kids would get a wodge of cash. Not sure if that's the best way to cater for young children.

Might be worth raising this point with him. If he wants to give the kids a "roof over their heads" then his will won't provide this.

If they are going to get cash this way, then a life insurance policy would achieve the same thing, leaving you the house.

The most important thing is who would take care of his kids? If their mothers, wouldn't it be best to provide for THEM i.e. make sure that they have cash to provide for their children?

A few thoughts .. .HTH

Spendless

headchef wrote:

He does have a life insurance policy though and I'd assumed he would leave that to his children and leave his share of house to me.

And have you raised that point with him? Have you talked about how difficult you would find it financially if he died?

headchef

Discussing the issues has become a bit sensitive so no I haven't mentiioned his insurance policy for fear of sounding a bit too controlling. Problem is Ithink I'm suffering the emotional fall out from two divorces - he lost TWO houses and I think he feels he has been over generous in the past. Also think he sees his children inheriting house as a natural process - he will no doubt inherit his mum's house. As one of five children with mum in sheltered housing 'inheritance' was never in my vocab so I guess we are approaching this issue from very different ideas of what we expect.
Thanks for the messages so far - I've been in turmoil for months. Can't talk to friends as they just don't have the life experience to discuss this! I'm alsways the one they turn to. I bet you are all agony aunts to your mates too. Just a hunch!

Bossyboots

If you are getting the wills drawn up professionally, discuss this with the solicitor. The provision you need is for his share to go to his children but for you to have a lifetime interest which would mean they can only inherit when you die or some other condition occurs (such as you cohabit or remarry). You should get a Deed of Trust drawn up in this regard and you should have it done professionally. I have seen a few "home made" ones go horribly wrong.

Spendless

headchef wrote:

Discussing the issues has become a bit sensitive so no I haven't mentiioned his insurance policy for fear of sounding a bit too controlling.

With all due respect. Men aren't mind readers (my own husband doesn't even get you being subtle you need to S P E L L it out to him!), so how would he know your concerns unless you tell him?

In my experience problems occur when communication dries up. You need to find the opportunity to raise the issue with him.

headchef

Bossyboots - do you know anyone who has done this? I mean does it work in practice? My main concern is if I become a bit doddery (like mum bless her) and need a different type of accom, would I have to release bf share to kids? Don't get me wrong - I don't want to sound money grabbing. It's not that I don't want them to inherit - I don't want to end up destitute.
My share wouldn't be enought to buy somewhere else (live in 3 bed ex-council) but does anyone know if I could buy a share in a Housing Trust home? I'm not on benefits, i work full time and wondered if that would count against me

Bossyboots

Yes, my friend's parents did it. They severed their joint tenancy and set in place inheritance tax planning. When my friend's dad died two years ago his share of the house passed to my friend and his four siblings. His parents had a Deed of Trust in place and the sons cannot do anything with the property while their mum is alive. I am not sure what provision they have made for her moving to a different property but I would surmise that technically she would have to pay her sons their share at that point. If she goes into a home, then the house could be sold for her fees and only half the value would be able to be counted. If you became old and doddery, you wouldn't need to keep on a three bedroom house I would imagine so your share would in all likelihood be enough to cover a move to, say, sheltered housing. The other alternative would be to incorporate into the Deed of Trust that if you have to move then you can take you share and "borrow" from the other half to buy something else, at that point having a fresh Deed of Trust or charge on the new property. That would be terribly complicated though and I do think that if you downsized in older age you will be okay. Again, this is something that can be discussed with a solicitor so they incorporate any measures into a Deed that are needed. The other thing to consider, is will the children get half of the value of the property at your partner's death or half of the value when their inheritance is realised on your death or otherwise.

headchef

You are right - I have just tied myself in knots and just don't know how to start the conversation agian. He does know my financial situation - he apologises for not being able to provide etc.
How do I start the topic without it becoming a battleground. How 'does one' kick start a sensitive subject with a man? I know they think differently and BF is very very sensitive on subject of money.
I know I should know by now - I'm forty and divorced and have several relationships under belt, but this one has always stumped me!
PS I will learn how to post quotes in the reply soon!

Bossyboots

headchef wrote:

You are right - I have just tied myself in knots and just don't know how to start the conversation agian. He does know my financial situation - he apologises for not being able to provide etc.
How do I start the topic without it becoming a battleground. How 'does one' kick start a sensitive subject with a man? I know they think differently and BF is very very sensitive on subject of money.
I know I should know by now - I'm forty and divorced and have several relationships under belt, but this one has always stumped me!
PS I will learn how to post quotes in the reply soon!

To quote, you click the quote button at the bottom of the person's post.

You say in your first post you are going to draw up wills. Start on that subject and say something like " we really ought to get that done". On the assumption that he agrees, I would then say "We ought to think about inheritance tax planning as well. Perhaps we could discuss that with the solicitor at the same time". Hopefully from there you will have a meaningful discussion or at least be at the point where you can make an appointment with a solicitor and you can raise all the issues about the property there by asking lots of "what if" and "what happens when ....." questions.