looking after nan

xyellowx

Hi Hope this is on the right forum. to cut along story short we are looking to move house september me wife and 2 boys, we look after my wifes nan shes 83 and gets about but we have her round ours on a sunday, get her shopping take her out for the day and on holiday, my wife speaks to her each day or pops round to see her.
she has a son (my father inlaw) but dosnt get on with his wife so he only goes around for a hour every 2 weeks and never phones her and has another grand daughter (my sister in law) she doesnt do anything for anybody other than herself.
we have tried to tell them they need to help out on a couple of occasions but made no difference with this in mind if she sold up and we brought a house were she could move in with us (me and wife both agree the house should go to her dad regardless of the will) so could we just get a legal paper written up saying when she passed away we owed her dad x amount? and would have to remortgage the house to pay him off? please dont think im being crude just know she will end up with us and dont want to move and then in a few years time have nan need to move in and regret not sorting it out now, also any future problems anybody can forsee id be glad if you could point them out to me.

xyellowx

when i said x amount i meant value of sale from house less fees

Treevo

Wouldn't it be better to follow her wishes rather than ignoring them which seems quite disrespectful to me?

She may not want to leave her estate to her son and his wife. You can deal with what happens to it if and when it is left to you and not before.

xyellowx

treevo they will kick up a fuss acusing me of all kinds thats why i want it written down legally beforehand (me and wife dont want anything we just look after her and know she will end up living with us at some stage in the future and need think ahead of whats to come

Treevo

xyellowx wrote: »

treevo they will kick up a fuss acusing me of all kinds thats why i want it written down legally beforehand (me and wife dont want anything we just look after her and know she will end up living with us at some stage in the future and need think ahead of whats to come

Then let them kick up a fuss. Allow the lady the dignity to make her own choices. If she chooses to leave her estate to you and your wife then you can then do with it what you wish, but until then it's nothing to do with you.

xyellowx

think you have mis read/taken the wrong way the post (we would be using her estate to help buy the larger house to enable her to come and live with us for the rest rest of her life ) so think it needs sorting out legally

they have no intention of doing anything for her and certainly wouldnt allow her to move in with them they dont give her the time of day we just want to plan ahead as we are looking to move anyway come september and i made the point we wouldnt want /except the estate we are just in a posistion were we cant afford a large 4 bedroom house big enough for nan to have her own space without using it to fund the move

Treevo

xyellowx wrote: »

think you have mis read/taken the wrong way the post (we would be using her estate to help buy the larger house to enable her to come and live with us for the rest rest of her life ) so think it needs sorting out legally

they have no intention of doing anything for her and certainly wouldnt allow her to move in with them they dont give her the time of day we just want to plan ahead as we are looking to move anyway come september and i made the point we wouldnt want /except the estate we are just in a posistion were we cant afford a large 4 bedroom house big enough for nan to have her own space without using it to fund the move

I've got the situation. She sells her house and buys another with you. She would presumably have a share of this property for her money? Which would be her estate.

I'm not sure what you think needs sorting out legally in regards to you? It is her estate to do with as she wishes and until such a time you inherit, it remains her choice. You've said you want to give her estate away to her son regardless of her wishes - I've said you need to allow her the dignity of making her own choices. She's elderly, not incapable.

Or you could end up in a situation where for whatever reason you can't raise a mortgage in the house, it falls in value, and your children end up on the streets after the son forces the sale of the your house because you signed a legal agreement bypassing this lady's wishes.

xyellowx

thats why ive come on here for the pitfalls and problems we can expect in years to come :-(

Treevo

xyellowx wrote: »

thats why ive come on here for the pitfalls and problems we can expect in years to come :-(

To do that you would have to know what your grandmother will do with her estate. She may wish to leave it to your children, rather than the son who ignores her. That would be her right. It would be inappropriate for you to then re-distribute the money to her estate to someone else.

By drawing up a legal agreement binding *you* to pay something, you're putting yourself in a very sticky situation should one or several of life's surprises happen.

It's not very clear but has she expressed an interest in buying a house with you? If not this is very presumptuous.

xyellowx

if she left it the grandkids that would be fine she has our 2 and another 2
me and wife just didnt want anything we spend alot on her and never have a penny back despite what the rest of family think they think because we take her on holiday she pays for it all couldnt be futher from the truth,

yes shes had a 2 new neighbours move in each side which has upset her and she had a couple of acidents recently and some problems with sight in one eye last couple of months dropped lots of comments about where she may may not end up if we didnt help the way we did, and how son daughter in law dont/wont bother with her when she needs there help most

Mojisola

xyellowx wrote: »

yes shes had a 2 new neighbours move in each side which has upset her and she had a couple of acidents recently and some problems with sight in one eye last couple of months dropped lots of comments about where she may may not end up if we didnt help the way we did, and how son daughter in law dont/wont bother with her when she needs there help most

Some older people do end up in residential care because their health conditions mean they need more care than family can provide. You need to allow for this option in your planning.

If she has enough capital - or a big enough share in a joint property with you - she would be self-funding. You might find yourself with a charge on your property which will have to be repaid at some point. Even if your property drops in value, the charge will be a set amount and you could end out of pocket when you sell up.

I don't understand why older people don't expect to pay their own way - they have their pensions and, if they need care, are usually entitled to benefits like AA or DLA, depending on their age. This money is provided so that they can pay for the support they need.

Why would one lot of relatives care for an older person and pay all their living expenses while the old person's income builds up and ends up being inherited by people who couldn't be bothered to visit or care for them?