I need advice

birduk

justme111 wrote: »

She might been advised not to get in touch. Really , dont you see that an employee who went of work sick for 5 months with stress who she been a line manager to is a mine for her and safer to be avoided ? specially if that emploee 2as unhappy with her management style.

This. How would it have looked if she, as your manager, whilst you were off sick because of her management style, depression and stress contacted you? Even if to say, how are you? When are you coming back? If you weren't friends, then surely you could see how this would add more pressure to an employee? She wouldn't have wanted to do that and would most certainly be advised by HR not to contact you at all.

When employees are off sick with depression and stress you have to be very very careful about the contact you send them so as not to pressurise them and make their condition worse.

Despite what you think, she would not have been allowed to separate friend and manager. She could have got in plenty of trouble for this.

Glad you are feeling better now.

BitterAndTwisted

You were the one who put stress into the relationship by taking so much time off sick. Partly due to her management of you. What was she supposed to do? I think you put her in a very difficult position indeed.

And now you're b i t c hing about her behind her back.

You are rather naive and very, very foolish.

Make-it-3

I'm confused by your relationship with this woman - but I'm not surprised she has stayed away. What an awkward position she was in, being accused of contributing to your workplace stress but at the same time being there for you as a shoulder to cry on as a friend. I just don't understand how that would work.

In the cold light of what happened she probably realised she needed to draw a line under things for the sake of her career (even if she hadn't been told directly by her managers/HR to do so). She may have been equally offended how you could accuse her when you were supposedly such good friends.

Anyway, it months on since then and you are in a new job so try to learn some lessons from it and move on.

kloana

I think it's usually a bad idea to become too friendly with your boss. It's great to get on well, to enjoy a natter, etc., but to consider your boss a friend outside of work is sometimes (not always) a risky move for all parties involved.

I've been 'friends' with my bosses before, both on a mutual basis (where we'd both considered each other friends), as well as on a one-way basis (where boss has considered me a friend, but I'd tried desperately to dodge such attention!).

In the former circumstances, I've found myself taken advantage of. As a 'friend', I'd be expected to do extra tasks, above and beyond, to 'help out a mate'. I'm also ashamed to admit I've also (when much younger and less experienced in life) abused my position as a 'friend' of the boss, too.

My current manager of 3 years is fab. I really like her, and it's a pleasure to work with her. However, I think she views me as a friend. I don't view her as a friend, though I have no objection at all to being friendly with her. I'm not taken advantage of at all, like in the previous situations...rather, she's accused by others to have picked me as a 'favourite', for various reasons that I best not go into. It makes for uncomfortable situations, sometimes, and my fear is that if I was ever sick/committed misconduct/made a mistake/facing redundancy, etc., her 'favouritism' of me would come back and bite us both on the bum!

I try to keep my distance, but it can be hard, and is a tried and tested minefield.