What did you do with your kids before Uni?

Savvy_Sue

We wandered in and out of DS1's room for a bit while he 'unpacked' all over the floor (so he'd feel at home!), we found the shop and bought a street atlas for us so we'd be able to find him again, offered to take him shopping but he was 'OK' (and I had packed some basics like Jaffa cakes already!), offered to take him for a last meal but he was 'OK', so left him to it! After inflicting a hug on him, of course! :rotfl:

He found juggling apparatus in plain view was a great icebreaker!

Angel777

Hi well my mum spent the few weeks before perhaps over a couple of months teaching me to cook really quick simple, healthy and easy food like pasta sauce- homemade, curry, rice, pasta, just simple stuff.
I was extremely popular with my flat mates.... wonder why!
My mum cried and that made me bawl my eyes out.
My dad was cool and they did some food shopping and settled me in really like my mum put my duvet on the bed although i could do this!
My dad did practical things like money, ;phone numbers, checked nearest shops, etc.
I soon stopped crying and didnt go home for 4 months!!!
Some of the students had not even learnt to do a proper shop! I was a born money saver... always looking for bargains etc but i get this from my mum.
I used to get sad when i had to go back home for hols! then the same the other way round... what am i like!

i did miss my family though but had a fab time at uni.

piglet6

My parents did the same as most others on this thread. Dropped me off with (stupid amounts of) luggage, but made up my bed with my own duvet set, made sure I was stocked with groceries, and then left me with big smiles on their faces (although I know now that they went back to their B&B and cried!:o), waving and encouraging me all the way!:D

Mum did make sure that I could manage basic recipes - she also wrote out a few basic recipes including simple instructions on a set of index cards, just in case I was unsure of things, being alone with no back up...:rolleyes:

Then, they made sure that I received post at least 2-3 times a week for the first few weeks until I had settled in - sometimes a letter, sometimes a funny postcard, sometimes a small parcel with a little treat in it - but mostly full of news at home, so that I still felt connected to my old life, whilst getting used to my new life!:p

One of the things I appreciated most was that they made me a collage of photos (friends and family, all pinking-sheared into funny shapes and stuck at odd angles in an A4 frame) - they left it in a drawer so it only had to be on display if I wanted it, but it cheered me up when I was feeling homesick in the first few weeks, and my new friends were also taken with the idea...after the Christmas holidays, there were several of us with this type of collage!;)

Piglet

Savvy_Sue

Actually, never mind how much you blub when they go, teaching independent living skills before they go is the best thing you can do for them. Mine have to start doing their own laundry once they're in the 6th form, so they learn not just HOW to use the washing machine but WHEN to use it, ie before you have no clean pants! They also have to get their own cash out for bus fares etc. And cook. And come shopping with me sometimes and learn to buy Product A because it's Xp per KG rather than Product B because it's 2Xp per KG! They already change their own sheets, wash up and use a vacuum cleaner on demand ...

cotsvale

I agree about that. She has had her own bank account since she was 14. As she is doing medicine they expect you to have done lots of voluntary work so she has done that and had a part time job so I have always done all her washing and ironing. I have told her that the day of her last exam is the day that I stop washing and ironing for her but she has already started and asks me if I need anything doing! She is going to have a week at home where she does everything for herself on the budget she will have at Uni. I have made her up a list of her favourite receipes and a file of ones that are cheap and cheerful that I have pinched from MSE. We have a rota for household chores but probably not enough because as I don't work I do almost everything..

Denise61

I've watched 2 daughters head off to Uni - the eldest has just finished - can't quite believe it's been 3 years since she finished school!

There are a few things you can do before they even leave to help:
- Make them fill all their own forms in (you can help by checking them after, but it gives them a greater sense of taking charge of their lives)
- Get them to start keeping track of all their official correspondence, bank statements, phone bills etc
- Don't pay for everything in the summer before they go
- Get them to find a part-time job at least for the last summer holiday
- Make sure they know how to do their own washing, cleaning and cooking
- Teach them how to cook a few of their favourite meals

When the leaving time comes, try not to get too emotional, but tell them you'll miss them and don't hang around too long saying goodbye.

When my eldest daughter went it was really straightforward - we took it all in two cars (this also helped me because her father and I had not long split up and spending all day including the car journey would have been hellish). On arrival, we collected the keys and then took all her stuff up to her room, made up the bed, helped her put away her things in the kitchen area and set up her computer - then we went for a pub lunch and left.

We planned to do things the same way with daughter number 2, but she went to Nottingham Uni and their admissions system limits the moving in to a single weekend - and we ended up queuing to get the keys for 8 hours!!!! So just got all her stuff in, made up the bed for her and made a swift exit. (She'd been chatted up by a couple of guys whilst queuing anyway and made it very obvious she didn't want parentals hanging around!).

Once they are there:
- Don't encourage them to come home for at least 6 weeks. Both girls hated us for doing this - but it helped them stick it out and get over the homesickness. They said the ones who dropped out in the first year, were usually the ones who went home too often in the first term.
- Don't keep calling them. They'll call when they want something and when they do, don't come out with the sarcastic 'Hello Stranger!' line.
- Forward on any mail that comes for them - girls like to get little notes with it as well.
- Arrange a time to go and visit them - after the first Christmas is best - but don't just turn up as a surprise. If they don't know you're coming, you might pick the weekend when they've just left for the Amsterdam 'field' trip!

And when it's all over:
- They will have got used making their own decisions and doing what they want, don't expect them to be like they were before they left.
- Don't expect them to automatically move back home.
- Don't let them expect to automatically move back home and behave how they used to - things have changed and they need to expect new arrangements, including paying for board and lodgings!
- Allow them time to get used to it all being over, they will be very disorientated, anchorless and probably find it difficult to adjust.
- Don't expect them to immediately get a 'proper' job - many of them will be opting for a gap year.
- Enjoy forging new adult relationships with them