What did you do with your kids before Uni?

Ms_Chocaholic

When my DS went to Uni last Sept, the days leading up to him going we hardly saw him as he was out partying with all his mates, saying farewells.

DS went on train to Uni (took bike on train) and me and OH drove up in the car (about 60 miles). Helped him carry stuff up to room, had a cuppa and left after about 45 mins. I started to cry once we were back in the car (managed to hold things together whilst with DS) but felt much much worse when got home and saw his bedroom and was upset on and off for around a week/10 days.

In weeks leading up to him going, bought extra cereal, tinned goods etc etc which took up for him and when he comes home (six weekly ish), he often gets a food parcel to go back with.

Nenen

When my eldest ds started uni 3 years ago (he graduates this year) it felt exactly like it did when I took him for his first day at primary school.... at 5 I helped him ensure he had all the right kit and carried his PE kit while he carried his school rucksack... at 19 similarly... just included plenty of provisions and helped him lug all his stuff in from the car.

I used EXACTLY the same bight, breezy, Joyce Grenfell tone with him at 19 as I did at 5... making inane comments on his way in like,
'Oooh you're going to have such a lovely time.... ahhh you are going to have SUCH fun'!
Then I turned round and got away as fast as i could so he couldn't see me sobbing!


PS my ds says the best thing I did for him prior to going to uni was to teach him how to do basic chores like use a washing machine, handwash a pair of socks, cook a basic meal from scratch and clean a toilet!:eek: He was amazed at the number of students he met who had absolutely no idea how to operate a washing machine!

holstar

be flexible about going for a meal...I got there and there were loads of other students around to chat to, and had I been taken off for lunch by my parents, I would have missed a lot of initial bonding.

My mum didn't cry until she got in the car and was driving home (dad was driving!...and then cried for 3 hours, eek!

My parents came back to see me after 4 weeks or so, bringing anything I'd forgotten and some bulky/heavy food..took me out for a meal then, and had a better look round uni etc...I'm not sure how far away you are from her uni, but is this an option?
You could always make a weekend of it if its a long drive...any siblings could stay in her room with her (I thought it was fab when I stayed at my elder sisters uni for a night!), and you get a B&B/hotel...might be worth thinking about?

Good luck for when she finally goes, I hope she has a wonderful time

melancholly

oh - and i forgot on the last thread - leave an extra hour to get there as finding a space close to halls/student housing area on the first weekend will be a nightmare. you don't want to carry things very far and knowing that in advance will avoid everyone in the car getting stressed out and snappy!

Sus1e

All I can say, is that as a recent student, all of the above advice is spot on.

My parents drove me, unpacked me, had a quick look round, bought me food and left me in my room once the others in the hall started to come to say hello.

It was only later that i found out mum had cried most of the way home - and I wasn't the first child to go!!

grozz

When I went to Uni I think I did things wrongly. I arrived, unpacked and then went shopping....all this is fine. It was good as people kept coming over and introducing themselves, however as a family we decided to go out for a meal. On returning back to halls I found everyone had gone out to the hall bar, which was fine only I couldnt remember what they looked like. So my first 3 weeks at Uni were not the best as I didnt know anyone from my floor in halls. It took about 3 weeks to myself into the group, which was great and I had the best time....memories never to forget.

So my advice...

1) Have a nice meal out the day before
2) Take them to Uni, help them unpack and go shopping.
3) Leave them to have a great time

Penny_Watcher

I cried like a loon when DD1 went to Uni :rolleyes:

I'd been a single parent for the first 12 years of her life so our bond was possibly a little closer than usual.

My mistake was taking her by myself. I should have said my good byes at home and got my husband to take her

I was fine until it came to saying bye-bye, tried not to cry but the tears came anyway. DD1 was fine (quite used to be embarrassed by her Mum - my kids will tell you it's an occupational hazard in my family). She gave me a big hug and a smile and told me to "flippin' go home" :rolleyes: Bless her!

She did ring the following day saying she was very lonely as the hall of residence she was in was full of Chinese students . (Obviously not the fact they were Chinese being the problem, but that communication was difficult.) I had to resist the urge to drive down there, bundle her up and bring her home

Anyway, the loneliness thing lasted about another 4 hours until she discovered the union bar.:rotfl: And she joined every club she could.

She spent a brilliant 4 years at Uni. The best thing you can do for your kids before they fly the nest is to equip them with the skills to have a happy and fulfilling and independent life.

Loubee_2

When i went off to uni, my mum and dad drove me up, we went for lunch and then they took me to my halls (no need for shopping as I was in catered hall). They helped me take my stuff in and then headed off. I didn't cry and neither did they (or if they did, they have never told me). I had a great time at university, though i did feel like an unfeeling freak for the first week as everyone else seemed to be homesick and i didn't feel it at all :rotfl: . My mum then told me not to be so silly when i said that, and said that all it meant was that i had left home at just the right time.:D

cotsvale

Loubee wrote: »

When i went off to uni, my mum and dad drove me up, we went for lunch and then they took me to my halls (no need for shopping as I was in catered hall). They helped me take my stuff in and then headed off. I didn't cry and neither did they (or if they did, they have never told me). I had a great time at university, though i did feel like an unfeeling freak for the first week as everyone else seemed to be homesick and i didn't feel it at all :rotfl: . My mum then told me not to be so silly when i said that, and said that all it meant was that i had left home at just the right time.:D

What a cool mum. I hope that my daughter will be just the same. She's been away from home a few times - last year to China with the school for 2 weeks (that did seem like a long way away) but it was so short that I didn't have time to miss her!

belfastgirl23

For yourself, I'd say get in and out fast. Bring the groceries with you, get in, check if she needs anything and then leave. Dragging out the goodbyes can be painful for everyone and it is much easier to forge relationships with people if you are on your own in that situation. I really liked the idea of going up a month or so later - your DD can show off to you her new places and people and it will be something for you both to look forward to!