Dealing with jealousy

whatwillbewillbe

I'm struggling with a bit of jealousy at the moment and wonder if I'm the only one. I'm currently on a bit of a career break having had a child a while back. It's giving me a lot of time to look up people from my past. Not boyfriends or anything like that. Old schoolfriends and colleagues so on. I was done over pretty badly in my last but one job, and now some of the people that I coached and mentored have been promoted above where I was. I'm pleased for them, I know how hard they've worked, but at the same time I'm jealous that the promises made to me about promotion were broken time and time again.

I'm happy with my decision to stay home with my child for a while, I just feel like other people are living these amazing lives and that it should have been me.

Is this normal or am I going a bit doolally?

jayII

Other people's lives can appear wonderful, but in reality the grass is very rarely greener. In my experience everyone has problems and very few people's life really is perfect. I know I'd rather have my life, my kids and my problems than anyone else's, no matter how perfect their life seems.

Maybe 'Jo and Fred's life' seems great--holidays, new cars, great house, and so on. But the reality may be that they argue non-stop at night, or had abusive childhoods and struggle with constant flashbacks, or one of them is a gamling addict... Those are extreme examples but really, no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

I find it is better to be grateful for what we have and treasure the good things in our own lives, however few they seem at times. The jealousy will soon fade if you focus on what you do have, not what you don't have.

Macca83_2

Think of it this way - whilst you're getting all green eyed over your ex colleagues, I can well imagine that one or two of them could be feeling jealous over your own situation. Looking from the outside in, they're probably seeing someone who's enjoying a break from the stresses and strains of working life, who's getting to spend quality time with their child, who's able to catch up with old friends.

Try not to worry about it.

McKneff

Forget it, focus on what you have, the gift of a child which is a thousand times better.

Would you choose to go back there to that time and be without your child, no, course you wouldn't, you cant anyway so why waste precious time thinking about that when you could be spending quality time with your family.

gibson123

Why focus on what you don't have when you are so blessed, appreciate what you have, you could have what they have if you made other choices.

duckeggblue

You sound like you are doing such a great job.YOU ARE AMAZING.Having a bad experience in one job,perhaps you need some support, and fun. Go for it.Are you lacking support?x

ruby-roo_2

You are in a position of strength right now. Being on a career break whilst raising your family, is enabling you to sit back and re-evaluate where you are at.

There are people out there, who due partly to your mentoring and help, have been promoted in their roles. How much of that was down to you only you know. If it was by a long way, due to your input and expertise with them, you have to question what kind of company you are all working for. Why did they overlook someone who has such potential and ability as yourself? Are these other individuals really so well off if they work for a company that doesn't always recognise these traits in people. A step up the career ladder could be short lived and lead to very little else.

If you dont feel valued or respected at this company, you could use this time before returning to work to look at moving elsewhere. The experience that you have and the things you have achieved would look impressive on any cv. Looking at this from another angle, your colleagues may well be jealous of you. They could be thinking, wow look how well she is doing. She feels confidant enough in her career, to be able to take time off for a while and concentrate on raising her own lovely family, I do envy her.

Bangton

I'd swap with you in a heartbeat. My job is depressing me. On the outside I bet I look dandy and happy with a great income and sometimes I am but other times id love to get away from the rat race. Point being we all get jealous. .. you'd go a long way to find people who don't x

whatwillbewillbe

ruby-roo wrote: »

You are in a position of strength right now. Being on a career break whilst raising your family, is enabling you to sit back and re-evaluate where you are at.

There are people out there, who due partly to your mentoring and help, have been promoted in their roles. How much of that was down to you only you know. If it was by a long way, due to your input and expertise with them, you have to question what kind of company you are all working for. Why did they overlook someone who has such potential and ability as yourself? Are these other individuals really so well off if they work for a company that doesn't always recognise these traits in people. A step up the career ladder could be short lived and lead to very little else.

If you dont feel valued or respected at this company, you could use this time before returning to work to look at moving elsewhere. The experience that you have and the things you have achieved would look impressive on any cv. Looking at this from another angle, your colleagues may well be jealous of you. They could be thinking, wow look how well she is doing. She feels confidant enough in her career, to be able to take time off for a while and concentrate on raising her own lovely family, I do envy her.

Thank you. I worked in the public sector. 10 years ago I was doing brilliantly. I was told that going to work for another organisation (involving a move of 220 miles) for a couple of years would guarantee me promotion when I came back and be a real springboard for me. I went, I slogged my guts out, worked my magic in a few different roles and did everything I could to help colleagues. Whenever I was given more responsibility I was told it was "for my future promotion prospects". I was earning around £40k in a job that was graded at £50k and doing the same level of work as those earning £75k. I gently nudged a few times and was promised the opportunity to apply for the jobs at the higher grades. It never happened. I was there for 7.5 years, with no pay rise for the last 4 of those (top of scale for my grade).

When I said that I wanted to come back home, I was told by my new boss that there was a job at the grade I wanted ready to be advertised. I agreed to go back on that basis. That was a lie. I went into work everyday and had my soul ripped out of me. I fell pregnant 8 months later.

I realised while on mat leave that I couldn't bear going back there, putting my baby into childcare for 9 hours a day even part time, for a job I hated with liars for bosses. And to top it off, one of my retaibed allowances was going to expire so I'd be earning 10% less as well. So I quit at the end of my mat leave.

And now it's 2 years later and my life is more different than I could ever have imagined.

It just hurts that I let them take me for a ride for so long. I wish somebody would have looked out for me the way I/they looked out for my colleagues.

But you're right, I am blessed. And I am thankful for what I do have. I promise I am.

ruby-roo_2

whatwillbewillbe wrote: »

But you're right, I am blessed. And I am thankful for what I do have. I promise I am.

I can understand you feeling that you were taken advantage of. It sounds like the company you worked for had little scrupals and were happy to mess around a talented individual for their own ends. Whilst not bothering to promote someone, who it comes across to me would be a huge credit to them, in more challenging and responsible roles. That is ultimately their loss.

The time you spent with them though was not wasted. Think of all the skills and experience you gained by your own motivation. Their conduct has also made you wiser and I doubt very much that you would put yourself in that position again. When you are ready to return to work, you have so much to offer an employer who has the insight to appreciate you and all you can bring to them. In the meantime enjoy raising your child. It is a wonderful experience to be there for little ones and see them gradually reach all those little milestones.

nlj1520

Is this your first child? If so you may still be adjusting to the switch from working life to home based.......it's a huge change to lose all that structure (and let's face it there's nothing much structured about a mum's life!) and the status you had at work. could it be that you miss some of that? I know I did! I was SO jealous of people who went off to work and dealt with the practical problems faced there and were part of 'normal' life. My situation was different in that my son is disabled so when he was a baby life was a constant round of medical appointments, physios etc etc and lots of emergencies. I settled into it and am so glad I had that time with him. He has grown into a lovely young man, secure in the face of a world that terrifies him and that he doesn't understand. I am sure that that time I spent loving him, working with him and making sure he got all he needed gave him a firm base to spring off into the world.
These feelings of jealousy are normal and will fade. Try to make sure you get something in your life that is just for you and helps you feel your role in the world if you see what i mean.
the very best wishes to you